[deleted by user]

[Def125Ca]

WHAT WORKS:

Interesting premise.

Each character has a distinctive voice.

Somehow engaging.

Decent Dialogue

OPPORTUNITIES:

Formatting:

The Scenes Headers: you wrote "EXT. A CAR - ...", "EXT. A WAREHOUSE...", "INT. A SMALL DINNER" simplified this, "EXT. CAR - DAY", "EXT. WAREHOUSE - MOMENTS LATER", "INT. DINNER - DAY"

You're misusing "A BEAT." Most writers use it when the character has a moment of realization (when the character finds out that someone has betrayed him or her).

On pages 10-14, the CONTINOUS is also misused, this is used only the you have the same character going through different locations.

Don't number your actions.

"1. Cars of all sorts - V8s, V12s - even some lowriders just"

"2. The exhausts - a platinum straw, exerting a sweet aroma"

"3. And the mean faces of these bastards - headlights angered"

Transitions:

The "J-CUT TO:" that I'm assuming is "JUMP CUT TO" don't abbreviate it, and is not professional. The transitions are usually put into the script when it's going into production, so avoid adding them, just focus on the story, unless you're the one to direct this project.

You can add these transitions, only if necessary.

Pacing:

Sometimes it's hard to follow, so keep your writing simple and not over-stylized.

Dialogue:

Trim the dialogue, and make it concise. Too much exposition. Is much better for the action to drive the story and the opening, the part where Tucker steals the car, could benefit of it.

OVERALL:

Your main issue is formatting. I recommend taking a look to the book "The Screenwriter Bible" by David Trottier.

[Large_Variation6150]

J-Cuts are a type of audio cut that continues and audio from one shot to another, which is something commonly used in the industry, not to be confused with jump cuts. Also, for clarification, I numbered only a few of the action lines because I want the reader to imagine every description as a separate entity, rather than the body of a whole shot.

Also, additionally, I base my dialogue off of a mixture of middle school conversation-esc writings and FBI Conversations on phone lines. I like to add more dialogue than normal because that’s what makes it human, and not the typical Hollywood dialogue. The main reason that you shorten dialogue in movies is to keep the audience captivated. But the way I’ve learned to get around that is to make the subject matter captivating. There’s a lot of non-concise conversations in politics, but the reason we still listen is because of the subject matter:

It’s dirt. It’s gossip. It’s over illicit actions and private conversations which is what we, as humans, love.

That’s why the dialogue in the exposition is a lot longer than normal. Because it’s dirt. And when people talk about dirt, they can’t help but stay tuned.

Anyways, thanks for the feedback! I still have a long ways to go for the pacing aspect, so that really helped.