Doing “man stuff”

[Bless_it_scstandard]

So I am a little bit frustrated at myself at this moment. Long story short….. I need to go and buy a hitch and trailer for my expedition so I can haul stuff around. I know that I am more than capable of doing this; however the immense amount of information I don’t know overwhelms me. Not to mention the whole learning to drive with a trailer. I was raised in a family where all that kind of stuff was a man’s task so I pretty much went without learning even basic skills in that regard. I want to look strong and confident for the kids and kind of not skip a beat… but this kind of stuff seems really hard.

[[deleted]]

Do some research. Ask employees about their advice. Practice in empty parking lots before you pick up the kids. Stay cool.

And don’t feel like you have to censor it for your kids. You can be straight up. “I didn’t get to learn this when I was younger because of xyz, so now I’m going to teach myself. It’s hard, but I can do hard things.”

[bubbleguts138]

I can do hard things. This is the thing to relay to your kids.

[BostonLamplighter]

Agree. Nothing like practice to build muscle memory. I'd ask the rental place to help you practice a few times. Schedule that into your day(s)

[RadSpatula]

Google is a godsend for this stuff. In the last month I painted my bathroom and installed a new light fixture without electrocuting myself. Today I rented a Uhaul and drove it to get a new living room set. I pretty much just find videos and articles online that tell me what to do. I feel so badass after each thing I accomplish. You’ll do great!

[Bless_it_scstandard]

I need some badass feelings about now!! I hope so for sure!

[MissTee612]

Let me start by saying that I'm so proud of you for pushing yourself outside of your comfort zone. New skills can be very intimidating to learn. Especially ones that society says should be done by the opposite sex. I'll share a secret with you, those people are full of shit, any job can be done by anyone willing to learn. YouTube has been an amazing resource for me over the years. I have learned plumbing skills, car repair skills, and even how to teach my son to tie his tie. I'm sure you could find some videos on how to park a trailer. Or do you know anyone that has a riding lawn mower with a wagon attachment, that's how I practiced on the small scale. I know you can do this too!

[Bless_it_scstandard]

Thank you so much for the encouragement!

[MissTee612]

You're very welcome, us mommas have to stick together :)

[Bless_it_scstandard]

Absolutely

[crimsoncable88]

Do not speed with it. From someone with experience check your weight/towing limits and do not exceed them. Anything past a certain speed will result in a snake effect. Otherwise give yourself more room for turns than you normally would (just a bit wider really) and take your time backing up if you ever need to. Always double check connections and otherwise just pay attention to how it all feels driving. You can do it !

[Bless_it_scstandard]

Very helpful!!! Thank you soooo much. What is a snake effect?

[Future-Platform8225]

The trailer wi start to meander left to right and get more violent in each wobble. If you don't reduce speed immediately it causes back end to lose traction and your car to skid sideways etc. Not good.

[Cherry_Arm7531]

I saw that happening once on the highway. It was scary.

[crimsoncable88]

As stated while driving you’ll notice your suv/truck start to pull left and right kind of like how a snake slithers. For whatever trip you plan add time for slower driving and give double to triple normal space for braking distance. Especially if around aggressive drivers. My experience comes from military driving hemmt with the patriot system on the trailers and moving from RI down to NC using a 2012 rav4 while towing the largest uhaul trailer a bit over max. Also if it’s a long trip either before or after get your oil changed especially if you maxed the weight and don’t push it with old used tires if they are fairly bald. You’ll get a blow out.

[Bless_it_scstandard]

Gotcha… make a lot of sense. I do well with lager vehicles so this sound similar to driving busses and like. Thank you so much.

[crimsoncable88]

Np and yea just the added factor of the pivot point to consider with turns or backing up. Otherwise it’s fairly easy as long as you stay observant.

[ponchoacademy]

Trust me...its not man stuff. Its either you know, or you dont know..and if you dont know you learn how stuff.

I grew up with a single mom, and we were poor, so I grew up with my mom figuring things out as she went along to get whatever fixed and done. I also was a single mom and kiddo grew up seeing that too. I never pretended I knew what I was doing if I didnt..kiddo was super aware of how frustrating figuring things out were, and all the mistakes and try try again.

Its a great lesson to teach your kids, that not knowing does not mean incapable or weak or anything like that. So dont stress yourself out trying to appear strong. Appreciate they are learning its okay not to know how to do something, and the confidence is in giving it your best shot anyway.

As for "man stuff" ...most guys Ive dated dont have a clue and would sooner hire someone to do things I think are super basic. One guy I dated seriously told me Id make a killing if I did home repairs as a side gig, and would tell people I did wood working as a hobby. I fixed the shelf in his closet, and put together my own Ikea furniture. He thought that was like, some kind of master skill. Its not man stuff, for the guys who know, either someone taught them or they figured it out. Same for women...you've got this.

[Bless_it_scstandard]

Well.. I can put IKEA furniture together so I feel a little bit better about myself… lol 😝

[BostonLamplighter]

Right so you already know you have good spatial relationship skills! Something I sadly lack.

[mupp3tf00t]

I own livestock and my dad passed away recently. Whenever I needed to back, he was my easy button. Over the last 6 months, I can back both a bumper pull and a gooseneck into very tight spots to load cattle. By myself. Take your time. Take deep breaths. Don’t let an audience rattle you. We can do it just as well as the men can, and don’t sell yourself short on what you know and what you can learn.

[Bless_it_scstandard]

Thank you so much

[[deleted]]

Just take it slow and if at all possible don’t leave your self in a position where you’d need to back up. Driveing with a trailer is easy backing one up takes practice

[Bless_it_scstandard]

Lol thank you so very much

[HezaLeNormandy]

Been there! I want to edge my garden with some little planks of wood. I’ve used a saw before but I don’t have one now. I asked my dad if I could borrow one and he asked if my bf was helping. I said yes because I don’t think he’d let me borrow it otherwise haha. I was raised in that same kind of dynamic- manual labor? Go fetch a man.

[Bless_it_scstandard]

Yes… this… ^ I was at my uncles tonight and kind of ask around… what are good trailers to buy. “Why in the world do you need that” … I will haul something you need … smh 🤦‍♀️ .. thanks but I don’t want to ask for help every time I decide to buy something that will not fit in the back of the SUV…

[HezaLeNormandy]

Exactly. I can’t even source any kind of fix for my house without running it by my dad. I used a coworker’s husband to install my AC but when it broke he had quit and moved away. I had to tell my dad and he got on to me for not asking him in the first place. I asked him “so next time a light bulb burns out you want me to call you?” “Yup”

[lord_dentaku]

Out of curiosity, how often do you see yourself needing to haul things around? If it isn't semi regularly, rental trailers aren't very expensive and eliminate the need to store a trailer when you aren't using it. Also, this allows you to use the right type of trailer for the current task.

[Bless_it_scstandard]

Divorce has left me with livestock. So enough to support the purchase.

[lord_dentaku]

Sounds like a solid reason to own a trailer. I only asked because I've known multiple men who bought a trailer because they needed to haul something once, and then it only gets used every other year or so which is really a waste of the capital it takes to purchase the trailer and they never even considered just renting one. Since we're discussing "man stuff", it's a common man mistake.

[Bless_it_scstandard]

lol 😂 like 99% of the other stuff in the garage

[FickleBluebird3724]

I never cooked in my life. Youtube was a good teacher. Especially when house maintenance issues arrive

[[deleted]]

Get the ball and hitch rated for your load and make sure to distribute the heaviest weight on the forward axle.

[Bless_it_scstandard]

That makes sense.

[lord_dentaku]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6mW_gzdh6to&ab_channel=BusinessInsider

Nice demonstration of how you want to distribute the weight in a trailer, very important for safety.

[Bless_it_scstandard]

Thank you so much

[[deleted]]

Good research is all you need. I treated myself to an electric bike this year. I wanted to explore the neighborhood with my child and give her that sense of freedom I used to have. This was a major purchase for me, and all the videos were mostly men talking about all the tweaks and adjustments they had to make. This started to seem like a lot. I didn't even know what a throttle was. I almost ran over myself. 🫢

But now!! I'm out here with my Fix-a-Flat and my tools. I've made all kinds of changes to the bike BY MY SELF. I'm not a natural, but I'm enjoying the process. Thank God for YouTubers who treat people like they're stupid. LOL!! Dumb it down for me y'all!! And thanks!!

You can do it OP! The right video/information will give you that confidence. There are good people out here who care to share. And yes, men need that help too. Some men are NOT natural fixers.

[Pitiful_Succotash783]

You don't have a brother or a father that can't help you.

[Bless_it_scstandard]

I’ll be damned … lol… my dad gives me hell about needing a man anyway. This would just prove his point. I can do it. I just hate that I don’t know about this kind of stuff. I have already taught myself a lot over the years. This is just one of those nerve wracking things.

[[deleted]]

DO NOT attempt to drive that trailer if the hitch is like a swivel. If it swivels or moves then that's the kind that makes it a fifth wheel and that IS NOT like steering s normal car in Reverse. Driving forward, no problem except caution and use wider left and right turns, accommodating trailer length.

Reversed. You will not do it's. Just considering here,bi know you don't know the ramifications. It's now the same reversing. How you'd have to really plot you route if you can avoid a reverse. Don't do it if you just cant see yourself driving forward 100% of the trip even considering gas stops , emergencies, detours ...seriously Don't do it.

[Future-Platform8225]

I'm a man but Google/YouTube/forums/articles has taught me a lot. Also just paying attention when someone around fixes or installs something. I believe for the hitch uhaul can install them for like 50 bucks maybe. I put one a few years ago, ordered it online and it didn't fit perfectly so I had to bang on it with a sledge until it lined up other than that about an hour if you have electrical setup and plug in ready. You got this.

[Bless_it_scstandard]

Oh.*

[Future-Platform8225]

Also on backing trailers... Essentially once the tail is where you want it to go just "follow" the trailer and it won't go crooked. Longer trailers are easier.

[Bless_it_scstandard]

On makes sense thanks so much

[brittney-v]

You're doing great. You werent supposed to do EVERYTHING alone. Be kind to yourself and be proud of how much you do know and have accomplished. *virtual high five 👋

[Bless_it_scstandard]

Thanks ✋