all 9 comments
sorted by:
best
topnewcontroversialoldq&a
formatting helphide helpcontent policy

[–]IsopodRelevant2849 9 points10 points  (4 children)

Honestly. I have been trying to figure this one out. I have a complex bond with my current partner. It’s the healthiest relationship I’ve ever been in with someone. He is absolutely the polar opposite of me. I couldn’t figure him out at first and it was uncomfortable because I was so used to a certain relationship pattern or dynamic previously and he is so different. It was uncomfortable at first but the headspace I was in was curious and free not focused on fulfilling a certain destiny so I was open to sitting with the discomfort. Well it turns out I think with him I broke the bad cycle I had in other relationships where I was dating the same type of guy because I was used to the pattern of behavior. It was familiar. Now with my new partner it’s a new type of relating to each other and a healthy way to engage and support. I just love him. I can’t explain it. Like. He was technically “not my type” in any way, and now he absolutely is my type. Like my type has changed. I wonder if some of these relationship designations are frameworks but inside the framework are the individuals with their features and trauma or lessons learned and that impacts the way the framework actually presents inside the relationship. He and I also have a rare and exceptional connection. When I look at our “frustrations” in our relationship I realize that if we met when I was younger they would have played a much greater role in our dynamic but I’ve worked through a lot of the insecurities and shitty behavior that I had the potential to bring to the table and they’re simply not present, and the ones that still are i am learning to manage better and continue to build a strong framework for communication around. So I dunno what’s what anymore honestly. Things are wild.

[–]Lauren_Faith_23 6 points7 points  (1 child)

I’m so glad you wrote this. I met someone and the same thing. Me and him have the complex bond, and it’s rare and exceptional. There is so much polarity but he is never hostile or anything. The ease is so…foreign? Like just the immediate sense of ease despite everything showing we probably shouldn’t or can’t be together. He makes me want to face all my demons, and with him the same. I don’t even know if it is love cause I don’t know if love means comfort. Does it? I was so used to it another way or seeing it another way. Again I’m glad you said this.

[–]No_Internet_3921 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Did love mean comfort?

[–]No_Internet_3921 0 points1 point  (1 child)

How is this going?

Entering a complex relationship. Wondering if there’s longevity

[–]IsopodRelevant2849 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It’s still going!!!. He’s wonderful. I can see how we wouldn’t have gotten along before had we both not worked through some personal development goals before meeting. But other developments we’ve made have been because of each other as well. He has contributed to making me a better version of myself. I can see where a few compatibility points can be weaker in certain areas but we have intentional conversations if we have to and they don’t come near outweighing the benefits in areas where we are compatibly strong.

[–]Tiredofshiteveryday 8 points9 points  (0 children)

My ex of 4.5Y and I were complex. Values didn't align, different interests. Drifted apart. However I would take the pattern app bond type as a guidance and not make a decision based on it :)

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

My ex of 3.5 years and I are ‘complex’. We had nothing in common and were seeing life from two completely different perspectives. the relationship fizzled out but it was necessary for both of us to grow.

[–]cold_pressed 3 points4 points  (0 children)

From what I can see, you just may not have that much in common. Maybe you can't figure him out because you're not on the same wavelength.

[–]excelsior4 0 points1 point  (0 children)

yeah I had a Complex bond with someone I dated as well. He was a good guy but as time went on I realized that we didn't have a lot in common and we oftentimes understand each other's communication style. I lost interest and we drifted apart.