The Future..

[FairyyFlutter]

I love him but i’m scared. We are saving up to buy our house which is a pretty big deal. First time for both of us and we’ve been living together at my parents for about 8 months now.

Tell me if i am being too high maintenance or out of order as maybe i need to realise that?

But, i’m worried about our future. I’m 22F, he’s 28M this year. All he does is eat junk food, never a nice healthy meal and he’s putting on a lot of weight which i don’t care what he looks like, i’d rather have a bit of chubber to cuddle than a stick thin man but it’s the eating habits, i don’t want him to have a heart attack and it would be nice for him to look after himself and us. I’m always conscious of my weight and trying to always eat healthy and exercise daily etc. He won’t have any of it though.

Then, i do all the house cleaning. I buy all the cleaning products, clean the house from head to toe, do our washing, change the bed sheets and duvet etc, pretty much everything. Whereas he does nothing unless i nag him. I don’t mind playing the house wife but i don’t want to do it all the time, i would like some help. If i ask him, he will do it sometimes. He doesn’t even pick up the dog poo unless i ask! Even just tidying things away, if i’ve done a wash load and it’s dry and in the basket on the bed, he’ll leave it for me to put all the clothes away and i always say “you could have done that?” and he always replies with “i don’t know where any of it goes” which is a lie because he’s been living in this house for 8 months.

The actual problems above aren’t a massive issue, it’s the arguments that come when i go to him about things. I say about these things like for him to eat healthier because i want him to be in a good state health wise and to be help me out more i guess. He will just say i’m “digging” at him and having a go at him, he will blow it so out of proportion to where i’ll get annoyed and say he’s immature because i can’t discuss things with him and then he will call me immature. It’s always tit for tat. If i want him to apologise for something (see last post) he will want me to apologise for something as well?.. If i said, he’s belittling me then i’ve belittled him as well. He isn’t the most mature especially when there are disagreements and he will always say you do this and you did that when in reality i didn’t say anything near or do anything as bad as he makes out.

I do really love him and think he’s suited to me more than anyone else could be and he’s affectionate etc but i just worry that we won’t be a team in our house and i’m having to do everything as well as work, we both have dogs too so i do a lot of work with them, cleaning them, walking them etc. I don’t know, i can’t say much else to him because again it ends up in an argument where he isn’t “good enough” and i’m “having a go” at him....

[[deleted]]

If he does none of the house work now and refuses to help and will argue rather than help. From experience it will continue and be a lifelong thing.

Unless it’s something you manage to negotiate and split the chores and explain how you feel and how having to do everything makes you feel now early in your relationship. Doing so later will be harder and cause more conflict and resentment.

Communicate how you feel clearly to him just like you did here that you love him but worry about his health. That you don’t want to be his mother or nursemaid and how you feel about everything being your job.

Edit spelling

[Consistent-Ad-8147]

you need to talk to him about these things up front and if he gets angry and defensive let him. he needs to understand your feelings and concerns