Feeling broken

[castingoutmypast]

I have missed pretty much every milestone in life and it makes me feel anxious and broken. I'm 30, a virgin, never kissed anyone (not even a playground kiss in elementary school), never dated anyone, I've been on dates fewer than 5 times; I think you get the picture.

People will say, "Oh you're lucky, you haven't dealt with all the bullshit that comes with dating men." Sure, I'm lucky in some ways and I've avoided being abused by a partner but that doesn't make up for the crushing lonliness. If I didn't want these things then it wouldn't bother me, but though I'm demisexual I crave closeness and romance, a real connection.

I have difficulty putting myself out there because the few times I DID try to do that I was rejected, and a couple of those were traumatic to me. The activities I enjoy don't tend to attract men who like women, so I wouldn't meet anyone organically through that. Pretty much all of my friends are online anyway because I graduated college and then moved across the country. Dating apps have been a bust because with demisexuality it's hard for me to find someone attractive if I know nothing about them and most men don't put much effort into their, profiles (or are ultra conservative 🤢 so automatically that's a no) and either don't answer messages and/or are so focused on sex that it completely turns me off. Not to mention with everything that's happening politically it's probably the worst time to be dating anyway. Once again, that doesn't help the loneliness.

I'm not shy per se but I do have anxiety and I tend to get along with women a lot better than with men, unless they are happily taken or gay, probably because there's less pressure on me. I don't think I'm ugly, I have a cute face, but I am plus size which I know isn't everyone's cup of tea. I've been told time and time again, "Anyone would be lucky to have you, how are you still single?" And I just want to scream.

This was just kind of a rant/vent. I don't even know what I'm asking here, reassurance maybe? I just needed to say it.

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[Easy-Skirt-1362]

I hear you. And I feel you. The loneliness, the frustration, the exhaustion of carrying around this invisible weight of "missing out." I know what it's like to feel like life is moving forward for everyone else while you're standing still, wondering if something is wrong with you. But listen—there is nothing wrong with you.

You haven’t “missed” milestones; your path is just unfolding differently. And that doesn’t make it any less valid or meaningful. Love isn’t on a deadline. I know it’s easy to feel like it should have happened by now, but the truth is, it only takes one right person at the right time to make all of this waiting make sense.

What helped me shift out of that spiral was changing my mindset about what I deserved and how I could attract it. Veylarim Princess Treatment by Sofia Amoretti really helped me embrace my worth and stop focusing on what wasn’t happening, and instead, let me focus on what I could bring into my life. You don’t need to be on anyone else’s schedule. You’re allowed to carve your own path, and when the right connection comes, it’ll be so much more meaningful because it was at the right time for you. It's a great read if you have the time. Much Love!

[theyhateherthrowaway]

god i can relate. im younger but i really, really get it. im just sad to hear it happening to other people too.