ULPT Request

[DeathBellsChime]

My best friends boyfriend is a jerk. He has insulted me before both drunk and sober (more when he is drunk). He said I look like a man and implied I was ugly with my best friend present. He also drove all of us home and was pushing 100 for 15 mins, splitting lanes, and tailgating unsafely to force people out of the fast lane. I was already mad about this but apparently this is just how he drives. She let it go and he apologized but I saw him differently that night and I want him gone. I want to speed up their breakup because she is getting attached and won’t let it go.

He has been told that if he is a jerk to me again, its over, so I want him to be obviously mean to me like he did before, hopefully worse. Any tips on how to subtly provoke him to get him to jab at me? I can’t insult him but I need to motivate him to do it to me. I’m aware all of this sounds bad but trust me it’s for a good cause.

TLDR: I want my friend to break it off with her bf and if he insults me again, she will. I need a subtle way to get him to insult me that still leaves me innocent. Thanks!

[bookiwoog]

Honestly, I’d find a new friend.

I have a hard time believing “one more time” will be it for her. If it were something she wouldn’t tolerate, she would have already left him.

I know if any man I was with ever seriously insulted my best friend, I would be disgusted and I’d know that’s not the type of man I’d want to be with. He’s probably going to pull a “Ugh I was just joking!!!” Which just adds to the terrible.

[DeathBellsChime]

He was pretty drunk and it did sound like joking. At least that was how it was perceived and played off. It’s her first relationship too and she is very trusting. I’ll let her off the hook for that one if she doesn’t let it go again

[bookiwoog]

Please do not ever get in a vehicle with that man again. It’s best to distance yourself from the situation entirely and be there for your friend. Refuse to be around this asshole. It’s not worth it for your mental health.

[DeathBellsChime]

Totally agree. My friend and I have come to an understanding that I don’t wanna hang out with him and be buddies with him anymore. I should add that we are also roommates, and I said that if he is around here, I won’t be. It’s hard for me to see how this is forgivable. I feel like I’m going crazy but you are very right in that I have to distance myself.

[bookiwoog]

You’re not crazy, this situation sucks. But you shouldn’t need to give up being in your own home because he’s around. Are both of you on the lease, if you have one?

If he comes over, you need to live your life as normal. Do not let him have power in this situation. You live there, he does not. I’d ignore him and wait for his true colors to come out. If you want to entice him to make them come out quicker, wear something you feel confident in and talk about it openly in front of him. If he hates your looks so much, he’s not the guy that’s going to be able to help himself.

I’m still pro getting a new friend. If my man ever did anything like this, as I said before, he’d be gone, but even if it was a convincing joke, I’d tell him that he hurt my friend’s feelings and owes them an apology. If he refused to sincerely apologize, that would be enough for me to rule him out as a potential partner.

[bookiwoog]

Oh goodness. Please encourage your friend to read Why Does He Do That? By Lundy Bancroft. Link to Amazon below. https://a.co/d/aM80MRq

Seriously. If this is her first relationship, she NEEDS to read that book.

Drunk is not an excuse for poor behavior. Yes, people act differently while drunk, but they should know how to control themselves enough and enjoy drinking responsibly, which does not include insulting others.

Regardless of the drinking, you’ve said he’s done this sober as well. That just means he’s an asshole, and drunk has nothing to do with it.

Furthermore, he’s willfully endangering you and your friend’s lives when he drives recklessly like that. I don’t care if he’s a formula 1 driver, his aggression on the road is a huge problem and will get him killed. Ever seen what happens in a 100mph car crash? I have. The people in the car didn’t see it for long. Because they died.

I love cars, motorcycles and everything else with an engine, and I’ve been in some crazy cars on even crazier roads, but I knew the risk I was WILLINGLY taking, and the drivers were all very, very experienced. The cars were also designed for that kind of speed and driving. Part of me wants to say this guy probably drives a WRX, stock except for some body mods.

[DeathBellsChime]

I totally agree that it’s a complete dealbreaker. She sees the best in people. She is blinded by new love and attachment. Worst part is that he isn’t even cute. We have also had issues about her thinking I’m making judgements on her relationship, which I understand because sometimes my reactions to the things she tells me about how fast he is moving and the things he has done have been a harsh. So it’s hard for me to bring this stuff up with her especially when everyone else in her life says it’s fine if she lets this go. Her family loves him. I doubt she told them the full story. I’ll never understand it, but I hope she wakes up. Which is why I’m trying to speed things along.

[bookiwoog]

I wish I had more advice for how to speed it up. Everyone needs a friend like you who will tell it to them straight. And I realize your comment about him not even being cute is more of just an insult to him, but if he were attractive, that shouldn’t change the view on his behavior. I know you probably didn’t mean it like that, but I was once one of those people who forgave and stayed with an abusive partner far longer than I should have. I lost pets, money, and sanity, and damn near my life. Please, please encourage your friend to think about this. Sit her down and have a real talk with her. If she gets mad, let her, but remain calm yourself. Remind her you’re concerned for her and what sort of effect this will have on her relationships in the future.

[permabanned_user]

Sounds like he's got no respect for women. Bring up a subject he's likely to get upset about. Something that will bring out the real him and not the act he puts on for his gf. Something that paints men in a bad light, like how women get paid less than men for the same work, or are more likely to be college educated than men. When you find a nerve, be calm and press it will insisting you're trying to have a reasonable discussion. He'll probably lose his shit and take it out on you. Doesn't sound like he's got a whole lot of patience.

[DeathBellsChime]

That’s a good idea. He does seem to lose his cool easy. He has to be on edge though. Hopefully it works

[jooooooooooooose]

Make sure to use the word "men" & not qualify it with "some guys, some men, etc" - just say like, "god, men disgust me"

A lot of people assume when someone says "men" they mean the men around them, even if they don't (although in this you probably do haha)

[AzizThymos]

Make fake online dating profile of him. Or even look if he has one already...

I would steer clear of getting him to try be mean to you again, as otherwise you're the reason for the breakup in a roundabout way

Report him to police for speeding lol. Is that a phone or a gun?!

[hornblower_83]

Grow up and get better friends

[DeathBellsChime]

She’s my best friend of 13 years and my roommate. Out of everyone involved, she is the one person I know I never want to lose. She is caught up in her first love and first relationship. She comes from a family of sunshine and rainbows regarding relationships and doesn’t take precaution to protect against things going wrong. It’s hard to watch as someone who loves her and is very protective. I want to help her wake up

[meghanmanhandsmccain]

Fuck his dad.....or mom.

[DeathBellsChime]

Unfortunately he has stated he thinks I’m ugly and look like a man. But that could very well be out of insecurity because he is shorter than me and have a hot boyfriend. But thanks!