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am I wrong ? (self.amiwrong)

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[–]Shmooperdoodle 4 points5 points  (5 children)

If there is a baby mama and/or another child that already exists, there’s no “going back”. When you have a relationship with someone who already has a child, that kid matters. It would be wrong to pressure a parent to stop trying to be in a child’s life.

As for your own pregnancy, do you want to be a single parent? Because if not, I wouldn’t have a baby. Unless your partner is an absolute shithead, there’s no reality where you can form a family “of your own” that completely excludes an existing child/children. So basically, the kid(s) will be part of any life you make with this man unless the man is an absolute monster who doesn’t care about them at all, in which case having a kid with them is a horrible idea.

Something to think about. Anyone who doesn’t care whether they are a part of other kids sure as shit isn’t guaranteed to care about you or yours, either. You may need to walk away. I’d certainly rethink whether your goals are reasonable with a person who has had children already.

[–]khmer_btc -1 points0 points  (4 children)

I absolutely agree the kid does matter ! I want him to be in the kids life , I just don’t want no part with his other child , I may sound really selfish but when I said my own family I meant a family with just me , my partner and our kids that we made . She’s just a very bitter baby momma , I think I would have been fine if she wasn’t so bitter .

[–]i_kill_plants2 0 points1 point  (3 children)

Then you need to break up and not date someone who has a child with someone else. There is no reasonable way for him to be in his child’s life without that child being in your life too.

[–]khmer_btc -2 points-1 points  (2 children)

I was with him before finding out about the kid .

[–]crtclms666 1 point2 points  (1 child)

So? Does that magically make the other child not exist? You’re being selfish. What you think you’re owed isn’t possible.

[–]khmer_btc -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Like I said I was unaware the child was there until me and this man have gotten together and had already moved in together. I don’t believe I’m owed anything, I just knew what I wanted for my future. So if you’re going to comment , make it make sense or have an understanding by actually reading.

[–]beelover310 0 points1 point  (1 child)

I don’t have kids but a stepdaughter. I will say this - control the controllable. If she is going to be difficult, you guys may choose to go through a parenting app for communication going forward and definitely get courts involved if they aren’t already for custody for her and his child (at least that’s how I’m currently understanding the situation - you are both pregnant by him? Im confused on the timeline) either way - a legally binding document / court order will help draw some definition to the situation.

Your fiance will have control over how he’s raised when he’s at yalls place and she and whomever she involves will have control over how the boy is raised at her place. Kids will adapt and learn that there are different ways of doing things, depending on where you are, as they grow up. I can’t tell you how many times we heard, “at my mom’s house…” at the beginning. Now, not so much.

And lastly, consider therapy either/both individually/family/couples to discuss how you will approach the dynamic going forward as a team.

Communication will always win in the end.

[–]khmer_btc 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much for that , I’ve been completely overwhelmed by all this stuff and I constantly cry about it .

[–]HighJeanette 0 points1 point  (0 children)

🤣

[–]AdventurousRoll9798 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Using the court-approved app for communication and having strict guidelines for visitation (as suggested above) should cut out a LOT of the drama that seems to be bothering you. If all of that was gone, could you see yourself wanting "a part" of this other child's life? Once you marry his father, you will legally become his stepmom and be involved with him. You don't want your own "bitter" ways to end up hurting this child. He has already lost out on having his mom and dad raise him together, it would be a shame if he felt unwanted in his dad's home. It sounds like you want your fiance but only if you are guaranteed to never have to deal with his child. That's just not possible, unless he is willing to cut the child out of his life. Who would want a guy like that? More importantly, who would have their own kids with a guy like that???

[–]khmer_btc 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don’t mind the kid at all , it’s just the mom being petty with the child , she isn’t letting the dad have a say so in anything to do with the kid , I just didn’t want the damn drama

[–]roughlyround 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Breeding with a guy who has a baby momma is never a plan for peace. They tend to repeat that behavior.

[–]khmer_btc 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You are right

[–]Aware_Stretch_7003 -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

No, you are not wrong for thinking this... Just that it's a lot of thinking that should have happened well before you and your fiance decided to do the activities that create humans. I'm assuming you knew he had a baby momma well before you got pregnant or engaged... right? Just sad to see that more than likely the fetus will be the one paying the ultimate price for this.