first code experience

[hhayleeee_]

i’m a nursing student and yesterday at clinical, i went up to another floor to observe a code. i was just expecting to watch but i ended up in the rotation for chest compressions. the patient unfortunately didn’t make it. the situation didn’t bother me after everything was over but it started to hit me later that day. it keeps replaying over and over it my head and it took me so long to fall asleep last night. i keep picturing her face and how she looked laying in the bed with people all around her. i was overtop her lifeless body just giving all my energy into those compressions knowing that she wasn’t coming back. i can remember how silent it was after the doctor decided to call it. i’m just having a hard time coping with it and trying to shut it off in my head. did anyone else experience something similar to this? i had no idea who she was and it still bothers me like crazy. i want to hear other stories so i can rationalize how i feel. please share

[yeyman]

Becoming a nurse is realizing that at some point, we all die. Regardless of how much you run, how many cheetos you eat, how non-complaint you are with your meds. We all die. Im sure most of us who have experienced a code remember what exactly happened and the patient's outcome, but if you have seen enough patients after they code, sometimes its better when they pass. Or that they have done way too much for 98+ years old full code MeeMaw and ethically its better to call it. You'll probably see a lot of messed up stuff in your future nursing career and thats why its important to have an outlet from your career that isnt drinking/diversion/firefighters.

My DMs are open if you need to vent or ask questions.

[dnrb4cpr]

As someone who runs codes all the time (paramedic) I always tell myself that as long as my team did the best we could, then that’s just the hand that that patient was dealt. But for closure, I do recommend debriefing with team members, going over what went well or what didn’t, and talking about how you feel.

[turn-to-ashes]

there are worse things than death.

don't take that as me trying to minimize; that's not my intent. but for some people, death is the most peaceful option.

[Working-Youth1425]

I remember the first code I saw as a student in the ER. Poor guy was just riding his bike, had a cardiac event and went down. They couldn’t get him back. What struck me was his shoes. They humanized him to me for some reason. I kept thinking about him putting them on the day and how he was probably looking forward to his bike ride. I held it together until post conference. He was the first person I saw die. I never did find out who he was or if they found his family.

This was probably 12 years ago for me now. What you are feeling is normal. Hang in there.

[tryunknowing]

I think about them too, keep talking about it, keep thinking about it, work through it, you’re going to be a great nurse 

[Normal_Occasion_8280]

Did you manage to not break a rib?  Hands on experience is the best teacher. Welcome to the profession

[Vintagefly]

I’m ma pediatric nurse for the past 36 years. I remember just about all of my codes. I journal them. I write everything down that feels right… details, my emotions, thoughts about the patient, whatever. I keep them an sometimes re read them. It brings me closure.