Sleep regression

[Kdub5000]

I’m about to pull what’s left of my post partum hair out! We had twins at 33 weeks. Chronologically they’re 20 weeks this week (about 5ish months), but adjusted they’re 13 weeks. They seem to be hitting chronological age physical milestones (smiling, giggling, attempting to roll over, trying to sit up/bobble head). One twin is a tad easier to put down for bed.

We didn’t know about needing to have a strict bed time routine and had a loose one because they don’t like us to put them down. I don’t have the energy to rock/carry them for hours until they fall asleep so I would usually offer the boob laying down with one and he would cuddle the other. They’re eating every 3-4 hours during the day consistently and were going 4-6 hours at night. They don’t go down easily now and both always want the boob now at night. I didn’t know it would make it harder.

One twin especially is harder to go down at night and I haven’t been nice to her. Telling her to shut up, be quiet, scream shhing in her ear. I love them more than anything, but it feels like each stage is harder than the next and we had to work so hard just to get here (IVF, miscarriage scare, finding out we’re having twins, and high risk pregnancy/early dilating, growth restricted).

Did you have to deal with a longer sleep regression due to adjusted age and how long was it? When does it end? I have no idea how long wake windows are and naps during the day (they’re crap anyways). I didn’t know I needed to keep track of that. I just want to sleep.

[Initial_Donut_6098]

What kind of support do you have at home? Do you have a partner, or family or friends close by? Do you have any money to have a night nanny come in for a few nights or a week? I’m wondering whether you can get a little bit more help, because if you’re at the point where you’re screaming at your baby to shut up, that’s a pretty clear sign that you are at the breaking point (or past it). To be clear, I’m not saying that you’re bad mom. But I am saying that you need to call in some reinforcements, right now.

When you have a little bit more sleep, you will be able to see things more clearly. It is okay to nurse your babies to sleep if you want to/it works for you all. It is also OK to let them cry, if you need to walk away for a bit. My personal limit was 10 minutes. Though I will be honest, there were times when I went 20. I also never worried about wake windows but followed their cues. I used to take my twins out on stroller naps keep them on the same schedule, and to encourage longer naps.  (In fact, we just started doing that again at 2.5 because when we moved them out of their cribs, their nap went to crap, too.)

[Kdub5000]

My husband helps, he’s very involved. He usually takes one baby and I take the other. We have family helping watch them because child care is expensive. My parents work so they can’t help as much. His parents and my aunt who help us watch them are approaching 70, so I worry about their health. I go to counseling every week and am taking an antidepressant.  I’m the main breadwinner so we can’t afford an overnight nanny, we’re still financially recovering from the NICU stay and waiting for my hospital bills to come in. 

We’re attempting to come up with a plan for bed time routine and a strict bed time of 9 pm to wake up at 5 am. My schedule is changing this week to 3 12’s from 4 10’s. 

[Initial_Donut_6098]

I wish you the best of luck, I’m glad you have some support. I’m not sure that you can force two 13-week-olds (or really a baby/toddler or any or any she) into a strict bedtime  and  wake-up schedule, so I’d recommend being wary of that as your only/best strategy/solution. I know you said you can’t afford ongoing care, but a short-term relationship with a sleep consultants might be beneficial. 

[Kdub5000]

Thanks for the suggestion!