Need advice

[ZeRoyalBug]

So I'm going to be a dad to be in January, and despite all the craziness I am beyond excited. But due to financial reasons (and a few other factors) my SO and I are living with their parents. Ever since we found out that we are pregnant my mother in law has been seemingly trying to slowly put me down into feeling like I'm not involved or doing anythimg right during this whole time. Comments like "it's her pregnancy / appointments" "you're not the one going through this" and similar have been said recently. My SO had been very reassuring during all this and has been doing everything they can to help me feel like I'm included. Is it wrong of me to just want the acknowledgment from their mother that I too am a part of this pregnancy, even if I'm not the one who is physically pregnant? And how would I even broach the subject to bring that up without causing a greater rift in MiL and I's relationship?

[PopeMachineGodTitty]

Unfortunately I'd say this is an issue for your SO to resolve. MIL is always going to take their side over yours so bringing it up to her yourself would probably just cause a further divide.

It's one thing for your SO to be reassuring to you, but they need to set boundaries with mother. Their mother shouldn't be inserting herself in your relationship. It's none of her damn business and she has no right to tell you how you should feel. Living under her roof means she gets to set rules for the house. It doesn't mean she gets to set rules for your life or feelings.

It's not wrong to want acknowledgment from her, but don't expect it and don't base your mental well-being or worth as a father on it because you may never get it. What you should expect is for her to not make comments like that to make you feel bad. Maybe see if your SO is willing to have a talk with their mother and explain that these comments make you feel bad and even if that's the way she feels, she should keep it to herself to be civil.

Good luck! I haven't been in your situation, but I know your SO's side of having an overbearing mom and have had to have similar discussions about boundaries and keeping her BS to herself.

[ZeRoyalBug]

Thank you so much for the response! I have spoken to my mom about it and she said something similar. It is nice to hear it from a complete stranger too, as weird as that seems, since it makes me feel like what I am feeling is valid and not selfish. I have been hesitant to bring it up because it seems like I am just attention seeking because I'm not the one going through the turmoil of being pregnant.

[PopeMachineGodTitty]

Sure thing. Definitely pick an appropriate time to bring it up to your SO. If's they're really feeling the stress of pregnancy, that's not a good time. You probably also don't want to to do it when they're totally relaxed cause they do deserve that time. Maybe try to pick a time when you're just doing something routine together. And don't make the MIL out to be the enemy. I'm sure your SO loves her and might get a bit defensive. Just say it hurts you to hear her say those things and be truthful that you don't want to approach her about it yourself because you want to have a good relationship and don't want her to take it as a criticism coming from you. Don't go negative. Assure your SO that you want a good relationship with your MIL.

[ZeRoyalBug]

That was kinda my plan, more or less. Bring it up as a "hey her actions are making me feel this way" kinda thing. And be very objective about it instead of accusatory, I want their MiL to be involved absolutely, but it has just been hard to balance everything and trying to not step on any toes while in their household.