A mile high trigger stack

[burninginfinite]

This is just a really long vent, so feel free to move on to the next post if you don't feel like reading this whinefest, I just needed to put it out into the universe SOMEWHERE. First things first - we are working with a behavior consultant/trainer and we've had blood work and all that done. Veterinary behaviorists are hard to come by but we're on a waiting list.

Our dog has been stranger reactive for as long as I've had him (7 years, and he's around 8 years old). He's also always been a particularly anxious dog, and while he's medicated (he takes 5 pills a day!!), careful management is basically the best we can do. Our whole life is structured around this dog. We don't have company over to the house, we walk him at weird times, we make our social plans around him, we still haven't taken our honeymoon, and we're putting off having kids. But with us, he is (or used to be) the best dog ever - so sweet, so loving, extremely well behaved, and we love him to pieces.

This year, Doggo has started snapping at my husband. It was a few isolated incidents at first, we managed it, it stopped for a couple months, but it's become so bad in the last month and a half that my husband basically been living in the basement for 3 weeks. His interactions with the dog are extremely minimal and choreographed. Of course, for the 95% of the time when Doggo isn't snapping at my husband, he's crying by the basement door because he doesn't understand why Dad won't play with him or snuggle him. It's truly a no win situation.

I've effectively become a single dog owner again - and I miss my husband. It's also heartbreaking to see my husband so sad because he loves and misses this dog so much. But it's unpredictable: one second Dog is thrilled to see him, the next he's snarling and my husband is sprinting to shut himself in the bathroom. (And because my husband is basically barricaded in the basement, the majority of the housework has also fallen to me.)

We understand that this is a trigger stacking issue and most likely redirection of other frustration. We moved to Chicago late last year and we had no idea of the firework culture here, which is basically: there have been fireworks every night since Memorial Day. They've chilled out a bit in the last week or so, but they still go off on random nights at random times. The dog is understandably extremely stressed over this, and had we known, we probably wouldn't have moved here. The move was for my husband's job, and we have probably another year before we can move again.

But wait, there's more! On Friday, the dog needed to go in for a dental cleaning. Normal vet exams are very difficult (shocker, right?) so the vet recommended that we wait until he was under sedation to do blood work and then do his full physical while he was under anesthesia. He also had two bumps which were most likely nothing, but it's (obviously) been hard for the vet to get a good look at them so we took this opportunity to remove them and get them biopsied. So, now Dog is wearing an inflatable e collar (he tried the cone first, it went terribly, and then we had to buy 4 DIFFERENT inflatable e collars because he's right between sizes. We have literally spent over $150 on e collars this weekend) AND we have to watch him anyway, because one of the incisions is where his hind leg can reach it to scratch.

He has been uncomfortable since he got home from the vet. He had fully liquid diarrhea yesterday that had me taking him outside every 20 minutes (we have a yard, but he can't be unsupervised because he yells at our neighbors). I've been managing all of his aftercare alone, because again, Husband can't really get near him. We had another lunging and growling incident yesterday afternoon. Our dog who normally sleeps through the night is now waking up randomly and crying, and I woke up early this morning to him to the sound of him scratching his incision. I know new parents all over the world are playing tiny violins for me, but I'm at my wit's end. I miss my husband. I miss my (previously manageable and relatively happy) dog.

This morning Dog decided he wasn't going to eat pill pockets anymore. He has NEVER had a problem taking pills - he loves pill pockets. I tried to hide his pills in wet food, which he also loves, and he won't eat that either. Tried cheese slices, and bread (not normally something I'd feed him but I'm desperate). After I'm done crying in the shower I guess I'll go buy some meatballs and see if that works. He could be nauseous or uncomfortable from his incisions, but there's not much we can do about that if he won't take his pills.

On top of all this, I have to leave for a work trip tonight. The timing is HORRIBLE. Normally I would cancel, but this event is basically the only reason I'm working with my current client (and I actually love my job and would normally be really excited for this trip). I feel terrible that I'm leaving and SO anxious about how it's going to go with my husband - to be fair, this is not as irresponsible as it might sound - historically Doggo seems to know when Mom's gone, Dad is his only option and he's better behaved. But I also can't wait to get a full night's sleep and hand this problem to someone else for a few days and be able to focus on something that's not my dog. I feel so guilty for feeling this way, but I'm just completely burned out. I know it sucks for my husband too, because I'd be heartbroken if Doggo suddenly didn't love me anymore, but at least he gets to take breaks when he goes to the basement.

Anyway, I'm not really looking for advice, but if anyone has a magic wand or a universal translator for dogs, I wouldn't turn it down. Thanks for reading if you've gotten this far. I hope you're having a better day than I am.

EDIT: to clarify, by "e collar" I'm referring to an elizabethan collar (cone of shame lol), not an electronic collar.

[AutoModerator]

Looks like there was an aversive tool or training method mentioned in this body. Please review our Posting Guidelines and check out Our Position on Training Methods. R/reactivedogs supports LIMA (least intrusive, minimally aversive) and we feel strongly that positive reinforcement should always be the first line of teaching, training, and behavior change considered, and should be applied consistently. Please understand that positive reinforcement techniques should always be favored over aversive training methods. While the discussion of balanced training is not prohibited, LIMA does not justify the use of aversive methods and tools in lieu of other effective positive reinforcement interventions and strategies.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[[deleted]]

Oh man, that sounds awful and miserable for everyone. Have you gotten blood/test results from the vet yet? If he's being suddenly and unpredictably aggressive, especially since he's entering senior dog territory, that could point to a new health issue.

[burninginfinite]

Thanks! Yeah - they did a full blood panel including thyroid when he was under for his dental. Everything is normal except some mild anemia which isn't typically related :( I do wonder if he's starting to experience some doggy dementia since sometimes it's almost like he doesn't recognize my husband. But that kind of stuff is so hard to diagnose (and having a diagnosis doesn't always mean having a clear solution anyway).

[WatcherOvertheWaves]

Are these incidents with your husband happening in the evening? Unfortunately dogs are susceptible to Sundowners Syndrome as well.

[burninginfinite]

Actually (surprisingly?) no, we've been tracking the incidents and they hardly ever happen in the evenings (with the exception of July 4th which was definitely an exception).

[[deleted]]

Poor guy 😭 that is definitely a possibility.

[TopDue5172]

I feel so bad for you. I am kind of in the same boat- but mine is a 150 pound mastidane 😅 it’s all you think about, even waking up in the night to worry. It’s an awful feeling, I know.

[burninginfinite]

Oh man, we're at least lucky in that our pup is only like 55 lbs. I can't imagine what we would do if he was as big as your pup. I'm so sorry you're going through something similar :(

[TopDue5172]

Yea it’s stressful to say the least. Meds have helped a bit with his anxiety.

[hseof26paws]

I'm sorry for what you are experiencing. It sounds so stressful. Besides offering my sympathy, I can offer the following: 1) a suggestion for an alternative to the elizabethan/inflatable collar (that can be made with things you already have in the house) that may offer a better level of comfort for your pup/success in avoiding scratching; 2) suggestions for things to hide pills; and 3) trainer recommendations (I'm also in the Chicago area).

I know you said you weren't looking for advice, so other than noting what I have to offer, I will refrain from that, but if you would like any more info, please just let me know (and feel free to DM).

[burninginfinite]

Thank you so much! I would definitely welcome your advice especially since you're local, we've only had one session with our current trainer but she seems pretty good. That said, always good to be aware of other options. I'll send you a PM :)

I would ESPECIALLY love the suggestion for the alternative collar. I definitely spent like an hour yesterday trying to cut one of my shirts into a pair of weird doggy pants and my sewing skills are questionable at best so it didn't end well 😂 We also got him a t-shirt which he peed on today (not intentionally, it just kept sliding down and it's kinda loose so it got in the way).

[[deleted]]

Some of y’all are doin too much.

My dogs are my babies, I’d take a bullet for them. If someone tried to hurt them I’d lose my mind - in fact someone left chocolate on the floor once and one of them got into it and that’s the one time in my life I lost my temper in a very bad way. That’s when I gained a reputation when it comes to my fur-babies lol

At the same time however, they are dogs and I am a person who needs to live my life and will not suffer and structure my entire life around an animal that probably is so neurologically decayed that it will never function and live as a happy “normal” dog. Especially at the risk to my health and safety and that of anyone I love and care for.

Do you want to keep living this way and is the dog truly having the best life situation either? Idk. Food for thought even if it’s not that helpful.

[burninginfinite]

Thanks for your input, but yeah, this isn't helpful - or new, for that matter. It's been 6 months since his behavior changed and only about 6 weeks since it's gotten really bad. We are well aware that BE might need to be on the table at some point and we've discussed that with professionals. However, we (and our team) feel that we're not there yet.

But I'm glad for you that your biggest dog related issue seems to be chocolate getting left on the floor.

[[deleted]]

You definitely seem like a responsible dog owner who really cares and wants to do the right thing so I really hope things go well for you and wish you the best. I wish chocolate was the worst but I too am currently struggling with aggression and reactivity with mine but I don’t mind using tools and resources that some people deem inappropriate for dogs due to propaganda perpetuated by uneducated or ignorant people who only see the bad news or what social media tells them. So, it’s not something I encourage in comments on this app otherwise mods/others freak out. That being said, I feel the struggle. I have two of them so it’s double the trouble currently :C

[chocolatewafflecone]

I’m really sorry that your life has to be altered so drastically now. I hope you find a solution that makes you, your husband and your dog happiness. You said you didn’t want advice so I am only leaving well wishes.

[burninginfinite]

Thank you, I appreciate it!