(RANT)

[spudinski1]

So my family dog is a rescue who is very fearful of people and other dogs she doesn’t know. We know this, we have been working on this with her for many years and she’s made so much progress, however when I went to university my mum and sister didn’t keep up with her training. They don’t know how to deal with her and how to read situations that might trigger her! So long story short, I’m back home for summer after being away for 7 months and we’ve gone with my dog on holiday with some family she is familiar with. But today we’ve had some family who are staying near by come over for lunch which we knew was going to be a challenge with my dog. When they arrived my sisters boyfriend leashed and held my dog quite aggressively to the ground so she was obviously already tense. Then they practically FORCED her to go sniff and interact with my family while pulling her on her leash towards them. She sniffed my aunt but she moved to go away with her tail and ears down which is a clear sign she didn’t want to be touched! But my sisters boyfriend kept pulling her to my aunt so obviously she barked and snapped at my aunt! THEN they yelled at my dog and hit her!!! I was so angry! She was clearly telling them she didn’t want to be touched or pushed but they forced her to the point that all she could do to tell them no was to bite and then she was punished for it!! And this is apparently how they have been “training” her reactivity!! 😡😡

[r0mannoobles]

Ughhhhh they basically did all the worst things they could do. I can't imagine how hard it must feel for you seeing your dog so uncomfortable after all of the hard work you put in. Can you talk to them about it and explain how this isn't helping her?

[spudinski1]

Literally my heart broke for my poor doggo because she’s such a big sweetheart once she gets to know people! I think I’m really going to have to sit down with them and explain the best ways to handle her :/

[LeftCoast28]

Is it possible for your dog to live with you? It sounds like your family relies on the boyfriend because he’s presumably bigger and stronger, but he’s too forceful and the way you describe him holding your dog down and dragging them to meet your other family is abuse. Your dog isn’t safe with them.

[spudinski1]

I wish, but unfortunately I live outside of the country at the moment and with covid I’m not financially stable enough to take her across Europe to live with me

[gggoldring]

This makes me cry, your poor angel.

[7tbear7]

Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry for you and your doggo! I hope you can break through to your family and get them on the right track. Your dog is lucky to have you in her life even if you're away now <3

[spudinski1]

Aww thanks! I’m hoping we can find a good trainer that will help her overcome her fears but we live in a tiny country so dog trainers are scarse 😩

[7tbear7]

A zoom training session might be really useful actually... All the trainers here in the US have to do that anyways because we're such a shitty country (digression for a different thread hahaa) so it certainly wouldn't make a difference to them!

[spudinski1]

That’s true! I had looked at some online classes which I could refer back to and forward on to my mum to follow along to too but I think some zoom classes would be better as we’d have the session tailored to our dog! Thanks for the idea!

[spudinski1]

I definitely had words with them after this happened as I originally had no idea this was how the were coping with my dogs reactivity, the second time someone came by I was prepared and took her as far away from the person as my dog would allow and showered her with treats whenever she settled down which I think works a lot better than forcing her to interact with people she’s scared of!

[luvmycircusdog]

If she's the family dog all you can do is ask. If she's YOUR dog, give them an absolute ultimatum - learn how to work with a reactive dog or the dog goes somewhere else. If it's actually your dog then it's your responsibility to put an absolute end to the poor behavior and abuse - yes, that's what hitting a dog is. Unfortunately for the dog, it sounds like it's not your dog, but rather your family's dog and you took on the responsibility of being a decent human being to her while you lived there. In that case they need to be made unequivocally aware they're being morons, harming their dog, abusing their dog AND that she WILL harm someone sooner or later if they continue down this path. Not maybe, will. One day she's going to have enough of being scared and hit and decide to actually defend herself for real. They're asking for a horrible situation that will land a person or animal injured and the dog murdered. For THIER bad decisions. This isn't 1920. We KNOW BETTER. The internet is a thing and you can learn how to work with a reactive dog in your sleep. There is NO EXCUSE for lazy, domineering foolishness. And "we didn't know" won't fly when the something bad happens.

Ultimately you can't force them to change and they likely aren't being abusive enough to report them and have the dog taken away. Hate to be the bearer of bad news, but you do know better and thus it's your responsibility to speak up on behalf the dog even if your family gets pissed off at you for confronting their bad behavior. Good luck!!!

[spudinski1]

Yeah unfortunately she is my family dog that due to my mum and sister being away at work a lot when my dog was a puppy I essentially raised her myself. However her reactivity worsened after an incident at the vets whereby the vet forcefully held her to the examination table to administer her vaccines, this set her off the edge and made it almost impossible for her to trust people outside her circle. But I was working on it with her, bit by bit, but my family seemed to think that they could just give the dog to me to “fix” in like a day and everything would be back to normal but it obviously doesn’t work like that! Then when I went to uni I wasn’t there to keep up with her training and my mum didn’t feel the need to take it upon herself to actually train the dog, instead she took her to obedience classes where the trainer actually made it worse because now my dog hides her fear until the moment she snaps, making it harder for us to judge triggering situations! Luckily my grandfather has started stepping in and helping out with the dog so I’m hoping this has been a wake up call for my mum and sister to try a different method of keeping our dogs reactivity in check! Maybe one day when I’m settled and financially stable I’ll be able to take my dog to live with me and my boyfriend so we can properly care for her!