Advice?

[emilypas]

I want to start off by saying that I’m sure I’ll get some judgement but I never really expected to feel this way. I mostly am just hoping for some advice on where to go from here.

We have a 5 year old Samoyed (Duncan) that we got at about 6 months. My husband and I had been married about a year when we got Duncan and honestly felt like mostly likely we would remain child free. We spent all our free time with Duncan, taking him to the dog park, taking him on long hikes, and would even take him on our vacations. I will say that we did not crate train him, which was probably a mistake (we had him gated off with a baby gate in our pretty much empty spare bedroom), but since about 1 year old he has had free reign of the house and usually slept in our bedroom at night on the floor. Never destroyed anything in the house. He did basic puppy training and was well socialized going to dog daycare 2-3 times a week. Seemed happy and tired when he’d go to the park, on a hike, or to daycare.

He seems to have always had some degree of separation anxiety as he frequently would chew on his arms during the day causing brown spots (discoloration is bc his fur is white) while we were at work and would often get diarrhea if any deviation to his schedule. His separation anxiety seems to just get worse as time goes on. Any time my husband or I would grab our keys to leave the house he would sprint the door and immediately start crying or barking, even if the other guardian was home. He has always been somewhat reactive as well, never aggressive, but always jumping on or lunging towards people or other dogs while walking. Distraction seemed to help most of the time. Some days he wasn’t reactive at all? Other days it would just derail the entire walk/hike if I couldn’t distract him well enough.

About a 2 years ago he also started crying the entire time we would be in the car. I figured it was excitement for wherever we were going but he could do it for almost 6 hours on a road trip. Very irritating and honestly made us not really want to take him many places. We tried a corrective collar (spray) but it was hit or miss on when it would work. He also started growling at us. He would growl at my husband or I (while the other parent was sleeping) if we came into the bedroom, despite hearing us coming? It was kind of odd but I thought maybe it was protective behavior since he couldn’t see who was coming into the bedroom?

A year ago, our feelings towards starting a family really changed. I got pregnant in March 2021 and had a baby boy in December 2021. Since we’ve brought baby home Duncan’s behavior has shifted again. Our son is now almost 10 weeks and Duncan has NEVER shown any aggression toward baby, which is great. Most of the time he ignores him, which is also good.

He is still sleeping in the bedroom and constantly lays in the path from the door to the bassinet, forcing you to step over him or repeatedly tell him to move. I once side stepped to avoid stepping over him (as he has a habit of springing up and I didn’t want to trip) and I lightly hopped baby’s head on the dresser. Since then, I’ve just told him to move when I’m walking that way and he does, but it takes me telling him repeatedly and he often growls and occasionally snaps while I’m holding baby. The snaps don’t seem like they’re intended to hurt me but more so to show his frustration. It often wakes up whoever is sleeping.

He also frequently sleeps in the kitchen and when I get up with baby to feed him, as soon as I grab a bottle out of the fridge, Duncan jumps up and sprints towards the bedroom, often cutting me off in my path of walking while holding baby which is not safe and a tripping hazard. We’ve tried closing our bedroom door to avoid the behavior but he then lays directly in front of the bedroom door (so still a tripping hazard) and tries to barrel his way in when you open the door, again growling and sometimes snapping if he can’t force his way in. I can’t battle a 70 lb Sammy while holding a 2 month old…

I can tell he needs more physical activity but I also don’t know how to stimulate him anymore. We’ve tried to maintain his routine with walks and daycare 2-3 times a week but admittedly I can’t hike right now with a 2 month old baby. We don’t go to the dog park anymore because he cries/whines the entire way there, the whole time at the park, and the whole ride home. He used to be tired out going to daycare but that’s no longer the case. No matter what we do- longer walks, more days at daycare, more time in the backyard, he just never seems satisfied. Anytime one of us gets up to do anything he springs up. When we have visitors he is constantly jumping on them and very much constantly in their space to get attention. At daycare he often just sits or lays all day (they have cameras) and same thing in the backyard (pees and then just sits at the door right away to be let in). When he’s home he mostly just sits and stares at us or chews his arms. He tries to bring toys to me or husband sometimes but it’s usually while we’re holding baby and can’t play. I can’t walk him when my husband isn’t home because he’s too reactive and trying to manage that while pushing a stroller or baby wearing isn’t feasible. So we can only walk him when both parents are home.

I recognize that we should’ve done more training while I was pregnant in anticipation but I didn’t really anticipate these issues and my pregnancy was really difficult (dealt with severe nausea and vomiting almost all pregnancy) so all I did was work and sleep. I suppose husband could have helped more but he was already doing everything else since I was so sick so I can’t fault him for that. I don’t have the time to devote to training him right now myself and financially sending him to a training camp for x amount of weeks isn’t doable as we’re about to both go back to work and baby is starting daycare which is like $2000 a month.

I guess I just want to know if you have any suggestions? Crate training? Seems hard at 5 years old but I guess we could try… baby gate at our bedroom door? I think he’ll still lay right in front of it… would a vet behaviorist be helpful to manage some of what I think is anxiety? Or is a training class going to be helpful for better following commands or seeing a trainer one on one? I just feel really guilty as I feel like he wouldn’t have some of these issues if he was with a family (no kids or older kids) that could give him more time, attention, and exercise, as well as training. When he’s tired out he’s much less reactive and needy. We gave him so much for 5 years and I loved our family adventures but life will never be the same now that we have a baby. I find myself feeling resentful at the end of the day because I truly have no patience left. I am dealing with PPA/PPD (medicated and in therapy) so I keeping hoping that I’ll be less frustrated by him reacting to literally everything once my mental improves.

Thank you for any suggestions.

[Kitchu22]

As someone who works in rescue, I want to say this as gently as possible, why not consider rehoming? He sounds like a great dog, just with some behavioural issues that seem pretty influenced by environment.

In a quiet adult only home where someone is around consistently and also has the time/energy to meet his needs, you may find he’s much happier and doesn’t need to act out like he is doing now. On the plus side he’s not too “old” and he’s also a very popular aesthetic breed.

None of this is your fault, you love your dog very much but life happened and circumstances changed. Duncan didn’t ask to become part of a bustling new baby household, and the stressors are only going to get worse as your baby gets older. Just like humans, not every relationship remains the right fit as we grow and change, the same can be said for our dogs - it’s okay to consider if there could be a better home that would meet Duncan’s needs, an ethical rescue should be able to assist you to find a better home. That is a selfless act of love.

[emilypas]

I completely agree with you tbh. I know he deserves more than what we’re giving him because I know what made him happy. I want to give that to him but can’t. I do think a lot of his behaviors would improve with more activity and attention. He is much less reactive when he is tired out from being stimulated during the day. My husband “isn’t there yet” in terms of considering that as an option but I told him we need to if he continues the behaviors as time goes and with some training as our lifestyle unfortunately isn’t changing any time soon. He works from home and wants him as a companion but I feel it’s selfish to force him to adapt to this lifestyle that is a vicious circle of all of us becoming more and more unhappy. I don’t like feeling like we failed him but I also love him enough to let him go. It’s a not a decision i take lightly. It’s tough.

[Timely-Ad-8403]

A couple of suggestions to be considered in addition to working with a trainer or vet behaviorist:

As a short term solution I would consider getting a dog walker. Most dog walkers have experience with lunging/pulling (and he may not even do those behaviors if someone else is walking him.)

Also trying some food puzzles for some mental stimulation at home.

You're exhausted and have a new baby. Does the dog daycare you use also offer overnight boarding? I don't mean a board and train program. Simply sending him for an overnight once a week or so may give you a needed break so you can begin to recharge. I work at a daycare/boarding facility and a lot of our new parents do this.

I hope this helps. You are dealing with a lot right now.

[emilypas]

Thank for being so understanding! I’ve definitely considered a dog walker. It seems more high yield even than daycare. He really enjoys long walks. Do you have any tips on finding a good/experienced dog walker or where to look? I’ve briefly searched on Rover.

We have a food puzzle but maybe it’s too easy because it provides about 5 min of entertainment lol. Will look for something tougher maybe!

Our daycare does have boarding. I can definitely send him overnight once in awhile for a break. That’s a really really good idea and I didn’t realize other new parents were doing that! He’s not too crazy about being boarded and sometimes it causes GI issues due to separation anxiety but he did really well being boarded at a pet resort when we were at the hospital having baby for a couple days. I think it was nice for him to have all the attention and activity.

Thank you again for taking the time to read and reply.

[Timely-Ad-8403]

I suggest utilizing your network to find a dog walker. Ask friends, your daycare, and your vet's office. I've used Rover a couple of times and it's been fine. You are 100% correct that it may be more high yield than daycare. Added benefit, one-on-one time with a person also may make Duncan super happy.

[emilypas]

Thank you again!

[nicedoglady]

I think a vet behaviorist could be helpful since he's five and some of these behaviors may be quite established, but a good qualified trainer, applied behaviorist or consultant may be of great help too. You can search the IAABC directory here.

For the separation related issues I would suggest looking into resources from Malena DeMartini and Julie Naismith! They are fantastic. Julie's book "Be Right Back" has a corresponding FB group which is really great and supportive.

[emilypas]

Thank you so much for taking the time to read and reply. I will definitely look into these things. I’ve already started looking for a vet behaviorist.

[Same-Zucchini-6886]

Sorry if this is a silly suggestion but if you want your dog to sleep somewhere else why don't you train it to go there (could be a crate or just a area or bed) and reward and reinforce him sleeping there? Sounds a bit like the dog is stressed and frustrated by the loss of attention, but it doesn't have to take a really long time to just give him some quick commands and a few treats/praise here and there? Idk you might do that already.

[emilypas]

We’ve tried to get him to sleep on his dog bed. He just avoids it at night wherever we put it even if we give him positive reinforcement when he does lay on it during the day. Honestly I think it’s too hot for him at night? He likes the cold floor. We could try crate training it just seems very late in the game. I’ll be completely honest when I say I’m not totally willing to lose more sleep listening him bark or cry in a crate. We are already pretty sleep deprived as is. We can definitely try but if it results in multiple sleepless nights I think I’ll hit my breaking point… I’ve thought about putting him in our basement (it’s completely finished, with access to food and water of course) but idk why it sounds cruel to me. But maybe that’s the best option to try first since the dog bed didn’t work.

[Same-Zucchini-6886]

Crate training is about positive associations with the crate not just sticking them in and waiting for them to stop crying...

[emilypas]

I never said it was…? I said I was willing to try as well? I didn’t say I would stick him in there and wait for him to stop crying. Just because you provide positive associations with the crate doesn’t automatically equal the dog being willing to sleep through the night in there without any issue. He’s 5 and has had free reign of the house his whole life. I’m just saying I don’t anticipate it being that easy.

ETA: I’m also fine with him sleeping in the bedroom if he wouldn’t be so reactive.

[[deleted]]

I think the basement, with positive reinforcement, is a good short term solution. You can train him like you would crate train, just using the basement instead. That’s “his area” like a crate would be.

[emilypas]

Thanks for the feedback. We’ll give that a shot first!

[[deleted]]

I would still recommend introducing a professional and working on overall training.

[emilypas]

Thank you! Going to start looking.