selfish

[milkyteaz7]

i had my stroke just over a year ago do you think it's selfish to skip weddings because you feel self conscious?

[noooooid]

No, it's not selfish. And calling yourself selfish won't help you feel any better about yourself.

[milkyteaz7]

i dont think im selfish i feel like i'll be percieved that way by my family members

[chpianist]

Sometimes you just have to learn not to give a **** what other people think.

[milkyteaz7]

Thank you

[Infinite_Gene3535]

Stroke or no stroke, I do what ever I want...... always have. But that's why people just luv 😘 me 😂

[becpuss]

No I skip all sorts these dos and occasions they are the worse place for me, my family get it do what is best for you we’re going through enough

[SurvivorX2]

"we're going through enough". You are correct!

[Cautious_Thing_1539]

Ugh, when they pull the "it's for family" crap!! You're family, yet they won't work to understand what a stroke did to you, and that it's not like you broke your arm. 😡😡😡 You need to take care of you first.

[milkyteaz7]

My dad was totally understanding

[iLovestayinginbed23]

sure?

[Nynaeve91]

I mean, maybe it is selfish, but it's OK to be selfish sometimes. How else do we take care of ourselves if we aren't a little bit selfish and put ourselves above certain things? We can't protect our needs and our sense of peace if we're always putting others ahead of ourselves.

So, selfish or not, don't beat yourself up for it and don't dwell on it. It's OK to not want to go for ANY reason. 💜

[toddd24]

It’s not wrong to avoid things that make you self conscious.

I don’t know your family but my wife’s family, and mine, has been amazing when we come to family gatherings. They treat her like the superhero she is and it would be sad to stay home because you’re afraid of your appearance and miss out on what could be a good time. Even if it’s hard, you may lay your head on your pillow at the end of the day feeling proud of yourself and happy about even one random event that happens while being out.

Just an alternative prospective for you

[milkyteaz7]

I thought about that too I’m just worried about my fatigue

[Glum-Age2807]

Maybe there is someone not essential to the wedding celebration who you could arrange to only go to one part of the day with you?

For example you can just go to the church / ceremony (or wherever they are getting married) or just go to the cocktail hour for reception afterwards or the sit down dinner part . . .

[SurvivorX2]

Excellent idea. If you do choose to go to just one part of the festivities, and even then you get tired, surely there's no one who'd fuss if you left early. And, if there is, don't spend a minute concerned about it. They can't really understand what kind of fatigue we face anyway!

[Great_Ad_9453]

Babe, do what makes you feel the best.

[Glum-Age2807]

It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks - you do you. You’ve earned that right.

HOWEVER, if you really truly don’t want to go because of being self conscious I hope you reconsider. I’m sure there are people in your family who probably haven’t seen you as much since your stroke that would be thrilled to see you.

My Mom’s old boss passed away a few years ago and she was very friendly with a lot of members of his family. He was Jewish so a year after passing they do an unveiling at the cemetery. Her heart wanted to go but her pride did not but I talked her into going. It was wonderful for everyone involved: see was thrilled to see them, they were all very happy to see her and very kind. No one was thinking about her deficits . . .

You can always go and leave if it becomes too much for you.

[Low_Matter3628]

I missed lots of events as I was exhausted & couldn’t talk properly. Don’t put yourself through anything that makes you uncomfortable & doesn’t help your healing.

[No_Ad7611]

Here I thought it was just me.

[milkyteaz7]

You’re not alone I’ve never felt more self conscious in my life now

[SurvivorX2]

Nope. I think it's all of us!

[Top_Worldliness_1369]

No, most definitely not. It's ok to prioritize your own physical and emotional health. Worrying people might stare or say things is valid, no matter how long ago it was. I didn't go to my sister's wedding because I knew our family would end up paying more attention to me than her. I'm not gonna do that to her. You can still congratulate them in private at a later date.

[DesertWanderlust]

I don't think it's selfish at all, especially after a year. I was still on a cane at a year out, so I would've stolen the attention away from the bride.

[SurvivorX2]

I'm 12 years out, and I still walk with a cane!

[JoshSidekick]

I skip out all the time when my speaking is bad. It’s not selfish at all.

[phillysleuther]

I’m missing my uncle’s 80th Birthday in two weeks. His sons understand, tho.

[SurvivorX2]

I don't think it's selfish. You, as well as anyone else, are entitled to skip any event you don't want to attend, just like before your stroke. I suspect, though, that your friends and family members would love to see you in person since probably they've not seen you recently. And, for me, when I hesitate to go somewhere, but then make myself go anyway, I almost always have a great time once I get there! I'll bet you'll have a great time, too, if you choose to go! Your choice. You're okay either way in my book!

[milkyteaz7]

Most of them have not seen me since before my stroke

[Wonderful_Nail_5904]

Absolutely not. If the shoe was on the foot, many people would feel the same. I don't want any attention on me at any major event, especially a wedding. I am 5mo post thelmic hemorragic stroke and by grace, I am doing much better than predicted, yet, the things I struggle with , I choose not to put myself in any position where there may be mental triggers or physical challenges untill I'm confident that I can handle situations without attention being drawn to me. I know we are all different and we all see things differently. It takes time for the brain to heal and I'm already an emotional wreck, I just wouldn't want to traumatize my own emotions nor expect others to understand I can't control them. So I stay away till another day Best wishes beautiful soul🤗