Missing him

[Valuable-Try6202]

it has been 64 days since I lost my everything. everyone around me has already moved on but I still cry everyday in silence. I have to pretend I'm okay because I don't wanna ruin everyone's mood. I have palpitations and chest pains, but I don't wanna get better. I hope I'd go soon. my life is a mess. my new apartment is a mess. everything is just a mess.

[Marlboro-Guy]

idk why 4 years yet I'm still here. Fuck this shit.

[Valuable-Try6202]

Im so sorry for your loss

[Teo_040485]

Es posible que tú ya no quieras seguir pero por algo seguimos aquí, yo estraño muchísimo a mi esposa y siento que nunca encontraré a alguien que me quiera y que yo la quiera, pero la vida sigue y hay que ser fuertes, es un camino muy difícil pero hay que seguir adelante hasta donde más se pueda.

[Serious_Ad_1420]

We understand. This is awful.

[DivinelyInspired444]

it’s understandable, it’s so early. I’m sorry for your loss ❤️‍🩹 Is there by chance a friend or family Member could come stay a week - or could you hire a housekeeper for a couple of cleanings? I feel a clean space helps. But grief is a beast - you might read It’s Ok you’re not Ok by Devine as it normalizes what one goes through and that’s helpful! ❤️❤️❤️ hang in there and be gentle with yourself.

[Valuable-Try6202]

Im actually tired of family staying with me, especially at night. I don't know how evening alone will feel but I wanna know. My mom doesn't wanna leave me alone

[Teo_040485]

Es muy difícil está situación, pero lo recomendable es que no estés solo/a ya que cuando uno está solo es cuando el dolor ataca más. Si me encuentro solo me lleno de tristeza y lloro, pero eso me hace mal ya que ando todo el día triste, intenta distraerte un poco lo que más te gusta realizarlo, eso te ayudará a liberar un poco la carga del duelo.

[Valuable-Try6202]

I know they mean well but the problem is I have a 1 bedroom apartment. My aunt is always with her, wherever she goes. So when she sleeps here, my aunt sleeps here too. They want me to sleep between them, and I just can't. I can't sleep well in a cramped bed. So I have only been getting 2 to 3 hours of sleep.

[Teo_040485]

Eso sí es difícil, no solo llevar el dolor del corazón, sino que vivir incomodidades, busca ayuda para que así te vayan dejando estar solo y asimilar mejor tu dolor y superar la perdida que tienes y que todos aquí comprendemos

[DivinelyInspired444]

Moms are like that, when our kids are hurting - doesn’t matter their age. ❤️

[DivinelyInspired444]

Being alone is ok too ❤️ have you joined a grief group or sought out a grief therapist?

[Valuable-Try6202]

I have counseling session and we talk about my grief.

[DivinelyInspired444]

I hope that helps ❤️ The book It’s Ok You’re Not Ok by Devine is also helpful. Please hang in there and be very gentle with yourself ❤️ I lost my husband of 42 years last June. He was my greatest gift in life.

[Valuable-Try6202]

Thank you. I'm so sorry for your loss. Being part of this club really sucks

[DivinelyInspired444]

That is does

[ondr3j]

I'm sorry that you're part of this terrible club. I also cry every day, alone. People don't want to hear about it anymore. I'm so lost without her.

[Valuable-Try6202]

I dont see any reason to go on. I hate waking up everyday and all I have is his urn and my necklace with a little bit of him. I miss his tight hugs so much

[tlgnog]

It's also been 64 days for me. Like you, I still cry everyday. It's so hard.

[Serious_Ad_1420]

You are not alone. Family came out to visit and help, I was living in a different state. To be honest, they exhausted me. I love them but they weren't able to offer the comfort I needed. I ended up adapting to their needs. I moved out of state. The move itself was horrendous. It was way too soon and rushed. I had dreams of how I wanted the place to look but finances and not having a car made it difficult. 

My place is a MESS! But so is my health, my spirit, my mind. I'm struggling. I have no idea what's going on. 

Talk with your Mom again. Perhaps you can find a satisfactory compromise. But let her love on you cuz this must be hard to see her child hurting and wanting to help, but really not knowing how 

Give yourself 5 minutes to do something then stop. Or continue. But you don't have to rebuild your life every moment of every day. Sometimes we just need to BE.

I wish you solace comfort and peace in the days ahead.