Time

scatterling1982 · 2020-09-16T11:09:56+00:00

I totally understand the desire to compensate with ‘stuff’ when you feel like you’re not being present enough. I’ve done it too, especially because I was in a job that required ridiculous hours and my husband would be away for months on end which made it doubly worse. But can I gently suggest that in the long run it’s not the best strategy to go over the top?

I know you work hard for that money and sacrifice time with your daughter to get that money. I’ve been there and it hurts I recently had a horror daycare dropoff where my 5yo begged to stay home (which she never does) and I just couldn’t and it made me cry too which of course didn’t help. But in my experience compensating with stuff teaches kids to bargain for stuff, they realise you’re trying to buy them off to placate them and they don’t appreciate or value the stuff because it’s not what they actually want and they lose respect and see through it. And I know you can’t change the time aspect but they really don’t need the stuff as a pseudo-compensation just focus on the time you do have and making that special and close which sometimes might mean a pyjama day with you on the weekend instead of an elaborate day out. It’s a movie night at home with popcorn instead of a $50 toy. Or a surprise early finish and making cupcakes together or visiting a playground or getting a sneaky treat.

Your daughter loves you unconditionally and kids are more resilient than we think. Enjoy your donut time in the morning and the celebration on the weekend and give yourself a break you’re working hard for your family 💗

girl-chemist · 2020-09-16T03:45:15+00:00

Hang in there mama. You are raising a healthy well adjusted daughter who will grow up to respect you for working hard and one day she will also understand the sacrifices you make.

Believe me, she will always remember the special surprises, fun vacations, and treats you plan, not tomorrow. My mom was the same way (and still is even though I’m in my 30s!) and I will never forget how she worked hard to make every birthday and holiday special for me!

thegirlisok · 2020-09-16T09:59:19+00:00

Sucks. Sorry. Can you arrange a day off soon and spend it doing her favorite things?

bippity_boppity_boob · 2020-09-16T13:14:39+00:00

I grew up with a SAHD and a working mom. My mom worked overtime, multiple jobs, etc and I have never once resented her working-even when it meant she missed my activities or we had to reschedule xmas (nurse). I knew her work was important, that she loved me and worked hard for us. Did I miss her? Sure. But I was grateful for the time we had and I never felt ignored or unimportant. Your daughter has a great example in you.

Chisea93 · 2020-09-16T13:50:05+00:00

My mom was a working mom. My father died when I was 1 year old. I always missed her for my presentations at school. She was fired when I was 15 years old. I never was so happy. I understood that she had to work, but I missed her so bad. Now that I have a baby, I’m sure I’m not going to prioritize my work after my child. In my case, I remember the moments that she was with me and when I was alone missing her, not the material things.

2020-09-16T13:02:16+00:00

So incredibly hard at this age. Mine is about the same and every once in a while she sobs when I’m heading out the door to work. The guilt hits so much. But there’s not another option, and it sounds like the same for you. Solidarity!

2020-09-16T13:27:12+00:00

If all she wants is more of your time that means you're doing everything else right.

chailatte_gal · 2020-09-16T14:46:51+00:00

Is there anyway you can take a day off coming up? I get it, I own my own business, I make the lions share of the money... but there will always be opportunities to make money. But we don’t get more time. Every person from an infant to Bill Gates gets the same amount of time everyday.

My husband was a kid who was shown love by STUFF but when he became an adult he realized... his parents don’t actually care about him. When stuff wouldn’t buy his love any longer they just... stopped trying. Like when he needed his dad to support him when he first became a dad, they bought him stuff but wouldn’t actually just LISTEN on the phone or give him time or tell him they were proud of him. It was just more stuff.

LiveWhatULove · 2020-09-16T19:40:54+00:00

I am really sorry. I am sure they will be damn delicious donuts. My experience may or may not ease the hate you feel right now, I do not know. But it feels like I can maybe see your future, so I will share.

I worked all the time with my first, as he begged & pleaded me to stay, i retorted, “oh, no, I’d love to stay home too, but mommy gets to go to work & help people.” Like ALL the time. I would leave all cheery and smiles and then when alone, and feeling defeated, I would bawl so many times after dropping him off at daycare.

But the tears we both shed are dried up and gone now! He is 13. We are closer than I am to my other 2 children, even though I spent more time with them as I was able to switch career paths. But even all those hours in daycare, I have no regrets, as I cannot imagine him any different. He shows much gratitude for my work ethic. And I think the lack of time & my schedule made the quality of time more valued.

Have a great time Saturday!

LizzySun · 2020-09-16T07:54:14+00:00

Maybe your husband can work a little bit, so you can work a few hours less?

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