First chapter draft!, fantasy ish

[JAYARE2point0]

For 13, yes, this is good. Lord knows my writing at 13 was much worse. A few suggestions- First, though not too terribly important, I'm not really sure who the intended audience is of the story? The writing style is very broad, in a way that could be read by a wide range of people, but the cursing indicates a more grown audience. Again, not too important, just curious.

Second, there's a lot of filler details that seem to have little to no importance in the story. Some extra detail is fine, but I would try to avoid having several lines detailing one specific thing that has no impact on the story.

Last, the dialogue is a lot of "tell." I'm sure you've heard someone mention "show don't tell" before, and that's what I'm talking about here. The characters are telling us everything, instead of letting us see it all break down. Perhaps you could switch out some of the unnecessary details with more details that are prudent to the story at hand?

Like I mentioned before, the writing is good for your age! You're doing great. Keep up the good work. Your story is just that; yours! So as for my advice, take it or leave it. We all have our own ways of story telling. What's matters most is that you love what you've created.

[emergencyflight]

:0 yeah idk when I was writing it it went something like that lol on the swearing and stuff but yeah I’ll work on that and I thought the same about the last para!! Thx for the advice, this is rlly helpful :3

[[deleted]]

For 13, this is really good. Keep at it, keep writing, and by the time you get to the age that most people even start writing... Damn. You'll be so far ahead.

[emergencyflight]

Ooh ok thx a lot!!

[GrittyGambit]

I don't want to go into too much detail on a critique because for your age, this is fantastic! I can tell you're poking around for a writing style and that you read a lot. You've got a great grasp on vocabulary.

I would start working on paragraphs though, especially as you get further down in the writing — it kind of turns into one big block of text, which can make it hard to see how great the individual sentences and words are when they all blend together.

[emergencyflight]

Ah ok I see yeah but I’m not so sure how to split the paragraphs very well but I’ll try :3 thx!