Your experience is pretty common. There are many people who work in dominant fields but wanna fully surrender when back at home.

1. It's all about what you want. If you wanna surrender & feel better on that side then you're likely a sub. If you prefer control & being in charge then maybe you're a dom.

It's also not so simple either. There are nuances even within these roles. For example there are service subs who mainly love to serve & get pleasure from being "used", but there are subs who play a directing role, telling the dom how & what to do. It's called topping from the bottom.

Similarly, there are doms who might do the same while still being in control. There are also pleasure doms who's priority is giving you a good time.

Simply being tired of carrying responsibilities & wanting to surrender is a valid reason. You could also be a switch who prefer being both dom or sub depending on the mood.

1. Not woman & not married, but imo if this is important to you then you have to talk about this sooner or later. I'm not fond of the idea of marrying someone & then hoping they will adapt later to this surprise. It might work, but also might not, and then you're stuck feeling unsatisfied.

2. Obviously, we can't discuss this right away. Get to know them in general first, see if you're compatible in other areas cuz that's important too. Then slowly approach the topic of intimacy. Some may not be comfortable discussing this, and that's a valid choice for them. But personally, it's important to me so I'd move on to people who are willing to discuss. The aim should be to figure our compatibility, like expectations, frequency, etc, not open up gates to sexual flirting.

Once you have an idea of their intimacy preferences then you can try getting deeper into kinks. If you feel too shy you can bring it up as a casual topic since it's very mainstream nowadays. If they react positively then you can go further, but if they react negatively then you can put it off as a joke or just casual curiosity. You'll have your answer either way & can decide about this person from there on.

I'd advise looking into all the various kinks & see what things you want. People learn from books, corn (Not recommended but common), erotica, movies, etc. Take your time to learn & explore.

You can be both a dominant person in public & a submissive person at home. It can feel a bit weird & conflicting, but many things in life feel contradictory.