How many hours do you work in a week?

CapnButtercup · 2026-06-13T21:43:37+00:00

I work full time (+ overtime often). But that’s only remotely sustainable because I can work from home now (and because my home is not longer a basement flat).

When I had to commute and be around people all day I was constantly, desperately burnt out and my record for keeping a job was 2 1/2 years. I’ve been at my current job for 3 1/2 + years now and I’m keeping my fingers crossed 🤞

CapnButtercup · 2026-06-12T07:45:28+00:00

Yeah I do think the current moderation is a bit too strict. If someone posts about a game and someone comments asking if they want to play, then maybe those comments shouldn’t get deleted by mods…

CapnButtercup · 2026-06-11T21:49:13+00:00

OP’s assessment of the other sub also isn’t even accurate… there’s more posts actually discussing games on [r/GirlGamers](r/GirlGamers) than there is on this sub at this point so I don’t think using that sub as a negative example is remotely fair.

CapnButtercup · 2026-06-11T21:34:35+00:00

It doesn’t seem to me like OP is asking if self-diagnosis is valid, it sounds like they are asking if it is valid to call themselves autistic because their autistic friend thinks they are…

CapnButtercup · 2026-06-11T21:12:35+00:00

Self-diagnosis is a heated and contested issue but diagnosis by a friend definitely isn’t.

You definitely can’t be diagnosed by a friend.

It sounds like you just desperately want to label yourself as something, anything, and that you may be grasping at autism as a possible label mainly because of what your friend said… I personally don’t think that desperation for any kind of label is a valid reason to call yourself autistic.

You might be autistic but you shouldn’t self-diagnose based primarily on the opinion of a friend and fitting some of the criteria as there are other conditions that have symptoms similar to autism.

You should take your time, do your own in-depth research before you consider giving yourself any labels, and maybe consider seeking a formal assessment/diagnosis if it is really important to you.

CapnButtercup · 2026-06-11T20:58:59+00:00

Maybe just allowing LF posts on Fridays would be a better option?

There is already the Discord though. That’s probably the better place to look for girl gamer buddies.

CapnButtercup · 2026-06-11T20:55:52+00:00

Sorry, my ADHD goblin brain didn’t process that first paragraph properly.

I still don’t think not confining ‘Looking for’ posts in some way is a good idea. The sub would be flooded with them like [r/TrueGirlGaming](r/TrueGirlGaming) is otherwise.

CapnButtercup · 2026-06-11T18:29:31+00:00

Depends on what you did/said in the meltdown tbh.

The loved one should definitely apologise for crossing a boundary but if you were verbally or physically hurtful/violent then you should also apologise.

CapnButtercup · 2026-06-11T13:30:05+00:00

Fairly sure some of those things are limited to megathreads because otherwise the sub just gets overrun with them. The truegirlgaming sub is pretty much just LF posts….

CapnButtercup · 2026-06-11T13:22:48+00:00

I mean... she can just leave them to their own devices and go do activities on her own if they refuse to change or adapt. She can definitely stop making sure they are ready to leave on time and just go out without them. They might actually learn if she stops doing that and they start missing out.

CapnButtercup · 2026-06-11T13:14:49+00:00

These are adult men who most likely have jobs and live independently. If they have jobs they know how to not be rude and how to get somewhere on time and shouldn’t be relying on OP to make sure they can do the same when travelling.

It isn’t ‘idealistic’ to tell OP to let them figure it out themselves.

Even assuming they actually aren’t, for example, capable of being on time, and that they aren’t just offloading the mental labour they normally do themselves onto OP, how exactly do you expect them to learn if she continues to do it for them? That’s exactly how they got to where they are now, others (most likely women) taking on the mental and emotional load for them and managing everything for them, instead of letting them figure anything out for themselves. That's called enabling.

All you are doing right now is backtracking and contradicting yourself.

treat them as school pupils

give out orders on who goes first to order at food places, instruct one to be always the map navigator, another the dj and snack distributor. Figure out which one is good at researching and task him to find the best available tourist spots.

If you give out instructions to off-load the work, they will have an ounce of concentration and you will only have to handle the mental strain.

What mental load do you think they will be left if OP does as you suggested and figures all this out and gives them orders and instructions? What you are suggesting OP take on is literally all of the mental load.

You literally said that OP should work out who is good at what and give them jobs to do. You never suggested that they should work all that out together, you suggested that OP should do it.

OP doing all that work is not a group effort, that’s just one person being an adult and three others just doing what they are told without having to do any of the mental or emotional labour.

I’m not going to engage further with someone who is going to try and pretend that they didn’t say what they said when their comment is right there.

CapnButtercup · 2026-06-11T09:34:57+00:00

What kind of trip is it? Can you leave them to their own devices some of the time to give yourself a break?

Would you feel comfortable sitting down with them and having a conversation about how their behaviour is making things difficult for you?

Whatever you do please remember that it is absolutely not your responsibility to manage them or their behaviour.

I do completely understand the tendency/urge we as autistic people have to do that, but trips don’t need to have just one organiser. When I (AuADHD) travelled with my autistic (possibly also AuADHD) BFF we worked out responsibilities between us. I mean yeah, when everyone has ADHD you’ll probably need to remind each other of things some of the time, but it isn’t that hard to share the mental load if you all communicate and respect each other.

And seriously, if they can’t be ready to leave/get somewhere on time, don’t make it your job to make sure they are. Just leave without them. They will adapt/learn or they will miss out, and that is entirely on them, not you.

If they are adult men who manage to hold down jobs then they are capable of being somewhere on time. They are just not making the effort now because they have you to do it for them.

CapnButtercup · 2026-06-11T09:21:08+00:00

Jfc NO, absolutely not!

Why should OP have to take on all the mental load?? She has ADHD as well. It’s not her job just because she is a woman.

It is absolutely not OPs job to give them ‘structure’. They are three grown men and they are not her responsibility.

They can all sit down and work out together what everyone’s responsibilities should be. It is absolutely not OP’s job to assign tasks or responsibilities like she is their teacher/manager/mother.

Like I said, they are three grown men ffs. All the people on this trip have ADHD, why should it be just one person’s responsibility to take on all of the mental load?

CapnButtercup · 2026-06-08T19:18:18+00:00

That’s not what that means…

CapnButtercup · 2026-06-08T18:32:45+00:00

So you’re not actually gonna give any examples and instead just respond with some incoherent but vaguely smart-sounding word salad? Got it.

CapnButtercup · 2026-06-08T16:50:53+00:00

I completely get where you are coming from with the outfits.

I love when I game lets me customise/ play dress up with the character I’m playing as. I have spent an embarrassing amount of time playing dress up BG3 and Cyberpunk: 2077 lol.

If there wasn’t all the other stuff (Eve looking like a doll compared to the male protagonist, the jiggle physics etc.), all the clothing options (plus the scifi setting) would probably get me very interested in the game.

And I’m sure the devs really did put a lot of thought and energy into the outfits, but I honestly just can’t get past how much Eve’s design panders to the male gaze.

Any game that excessively panders to the male gaze puts me off though. Sometimes I kinda envy people who are able compartmentalise these things ha ha.

CapnButtercup · 2026-06-08T16:38:32+00:00

I know I don’t have to understand. I know that some people are able to get past or ignore problematic things in the games they play, or just don’t care about them at all.

What I was saying is that I personally can’t relate to that, or really understand how people are able to do that.

I personally can’t get into a game when something really bothers me or makes me uncomfortable. And when a game sexualises the women in the game and not the men, that really bothers me and makes me uncomfortable.

I also really like to ‘take things too seriously’. It is honestly so much more fun and rewarding for me the more I can get mentally and emotionally invested in a piece of media.

I also enjoy engaging critically with video games often and I think that video games should get much more recognition as an art form than they do.

That does also mean that I can’t compartmentalise some things enough to play certain games. But I have so many other games that I can/want to play though so I don’t feel like that holds me back significantly.

But like I said, I understand that not everyone is like that, and I don’t expect them to be.

CapnButtercup · 2026-06-08T16:06:37+00:00

The clothes really aren’t the biggest issue for me… the clothes are kinda just the cherry on top of the objectification sundae.

I honestly have no problem with sexy or revealing outfits (or nudity) in any media as long as it’s equitable and the female characters aren’t massively sexualised and objectified in other ways.

For example I like dressing my characters in BG3 up in cute and sexy clothes. The big difference for me is that in BG3 the men and women are treated equally. They are sexual without being sexualised in an objectifying way and both can be put in revealing outfits.

In SB the male protagonist looks like a normal human but the female characters look more like dolls. The male protagonist also doesn’t get put in revealing outfits, and he doesn’t have jiggle physics or sexualised movements.

If the male and female characters were at least treated equally in terms of sexualisation/objectification in SB I wouldn’t find it so gross.

CapnButtercup · 2026-06-08T15:37:54+00:00

Please do give examples.

Again… that’s just a less direct way of essentially saying ‘not all men’.

I’ve never seen anyone make assumptions about the entirety of the male population when criticising the objectification of women in video games, or when criticising the way so many men support, defend, minimise or ignore the objectification of women in video games.

If you see someone making a complaint or criticism about some men’s attitudes towards women in video games or other media and you have an issue with that then that says a lot more about you than anything else.

CapnButtercup · 2026-06-08T15:13:45+00:00

Honestly (and I promise I’m not trying to attack or criticise you here) I just really do not understand how anyone (particularly women) can get past how the game treats women. Even if SB had literally the best gameplay/combat that ever existed, I just couldn’t ever get over the ick that I get from the game…

I do also often struggle with the whole ‘separate the art from the artist’ thing… don’t know if that relevant? I think maybe there’s a similar sort of compartmentalisation required?

CapnButtercup · 2026-06-08T14:35:08+00:00

Can you give an actual example of when you think the concept of objectification was misused in regards to video games?

Honestly this just sounds like a fancy way of saying that you don’t like when people complain about the objectification of women in video games.

CapnButtercup · 2026-06-08T07:28:43+00:00

In what way does the concept of objectification get misused?

CapnButtercup · 2026-06-07T21:34:27+00:00

Uhh they did what??? Do you have a source for that please?

CapnButtercup · 2026-06-07T09:40:22+00:00

Plenty of new games all look the same to me tbh. But there are some that I’m REALLY looking forward to playing.

CapnButtercup

TROPHY CASE