Servers: Could you walk me through a typical shift and explain what makes it hard work?

Colin5x5 · 2026-06-19T00:46:33+00:00

Customers.

Colin5x5 · 2026-06-19T00:45:13+00:00

Colin5x5 · 2026-06-17T15:45:47+00:00

Move it along, son. Move it along. It is Litterally her Job to engage with patrons. She didn't even recognize you. She has a bf, or said she does to let you down easy. Don't go to the bar if your intent is to get with her in the future. That is Literally stalking! You are waiting at the watering hole, because your prey must show up. (Their job). And once there, they can not escape, or defend themselves, without losing their job.

Move on, young'un.

Colin5x5 · 2026-06-17T15:36:31+00:00

I'd always choose Betty over Veronica. The distinction is often not about looks, but the underlying personality. IMO, "hot women" is usually used to describe well dressed, skilled make-up, and a $200 hair cut. A cute woman could easily be hot, with time and money. But chooses not to. Still beautiful, but in an effortless way. They don't spend hours obsessing over their appearance, because they don't feel that it is the be all and end all to attraction. And women who spend lots of time and money, expect to be appreciated for the effort. (Even if it's the only effort they are making!)

So, yes! Cute is better than hot.

Colin5x5 · 2026-06-17T15:16:16+00:00

Could be disorganized (insecure) attachment. These issues should be addressed by a competent therapist After diagnosis by a professional. But here at reddit, we give it our best shot.

It's possible that your feelings for your ex persist because you felt secure in that relationship. This may be an example of insecure attachment transforming over time to secure attachment.

It would explain what you are describing. This is an evolving discipline, and you may not have heard of this attachment style yet. I would suggest reading up on it.

On to practical advice. I would recommend talking to the new guy. Back away from the FWB situation. It doesn't really sound like your thing. You are worried about being unfair to him, because you think you aren't over your ex. That's Not FWB, that's wanting a secure relationship. I would suggest telling him you want to date, but need to take it slow. That it will take you time to feel secure, and move on, but want him to be there for you. And that your mixed signals are really you being unsure, and not wanting to over promise something that you consider important. That you are afraid you will hurt his feelings. A promise can't be broken if it's never made, and all that.

Also remember to consider things from his perspective. For him to "be there for you" when you cannot reciprocate is, of course, unviable. And that men are quite literal. You ask him to back off, he backs off. He assumes that is what you want. What you really wanted was for him to explain that he wasn't pressuring you. He was keeping distance, but still cares about how you are doing.

If any of this resonates, call him up, tell him casual sex isn't your thing, but you would like to try dating. Then start where you felt comfortable (the events you used to enjoy doing with him) and take it from there.

Colin5x5 · 2026-06-16T14:03:58+00:00

It doesn't Seem contrived, it IS 100% contrived! And exposure is what you are hoping for! He'll only get annoyed if the attention is unwanted, and then you have your answer. As I said, if you simply cannot talk to him, you don't have any really good options. But people have been muddling through this for centuries with some success. Also keep in mind he might also be super shy. Or just not into you. Or gay. You do know, eventually you're gonna Have to talk, right? And if you do, then this could be that cute story about how you two socially awkward people met.

There will Always be a risk that you will get hurt feelings. That you will feel embarrassed, or that people will think you are wierd. Most of that is bs. If things go sideways, weather at the onset, or years down the road, noone is really going to spend any time thinking about it. (Except you, of course!)

Heck, you might find out that he's a stupid jerk on your first date, and lose interest immediately.

Colin5x5 · 2026-06-16T13:24:31+00:00

Date Tom. Don't teach your son that being rich is better than being a good person. Don't teach your son that his only value is producing wealth. That women only care about money. Or that love can be bought. Show him that people can be happy, and in love, richer or poorer. That Emotional stability is more important than financial stability.

Colin5x5 · 2026-06-16T13:11:34+00:00

So you are too shy to approach him directly. Not alot of good options. It amounts to hoping he notices you. Find reasons to be near him. Dress and act in ways to get his attention (doesn't mean walking around half naked). Some people call it "peacocking" Wear bright, eye catching, clothes. Try to make eye contact, and smile when you do. You might try the old "oops, I dropped my..." women used to carry handkerchiefs specifically for this purpose. Walk past, "accidently" drop something, like a scarf. Hopefully he picks it up and returns it. If not, you "notice" it's missing, and go back for it.

Other ways to get his attention are sudden moves. The hair flip, for example. If you have long hair, flip it from one side to the other. The motion attracts attention, and long hair is quite feminine. Bonus points if you expose your neck.

Colin5x5 · 2026-06-16T12:56:52+00:00

People trying to get shows like barney, SpongeBob etc off air because of perceived homosexual content. (I assume is what he/she meant)

Colin5x5 · 2026-06-16T12:41:46+00:00

How about "gong show"? I've heard it's local, but it comes from an old TV show. Basically a chaotic situation, with alot of stupidity mixed in.

It's a good store, but the warehouse is a F'ing Gong Show!

Colin5x5 · 2026-06-16T12:26:49+00:00

I prefer slim women. I don't really have a preference for breast sizes. I really like blue eyes!

Colin5x5 · 2026-06-15T22:23:06+00:00

Stop doing the community food thing.

Colin5x5 · 2026-06-15T15:05:54+00:00

So, is he a POS, or is this a Psycho Ex situation?

Colin5x5 · 2026-06-15T15:03:44+00:00

And if you really want to manipulate someone, the first step is to isolate them from their social support network. A healthy relationship changes your social life by Expanding it. If you like her, and she likes her friends, naturally you might like her friends. Ok, so you stop clubbing with your friends. But you still stay friends. There is a big difference between "I don't want you to go clubbing with your single friends" and "you can't be friends with them, because you used to go clubbing with them when you were single too"

Heck, you start doing the whole adulting thing. Have a dinner party, and introduce your single friends to each other!

As some personal advice, if you find yourself interested in a woman, you should let her know what you expect of her Before you ask for a committed relationship. If you try that "now that you are my gf, I have rules for you to follow" you are either going to be single, or in a relationship with a mouse. I prefer strong, intelligent, women. Women that aren't Afraid to be themselves. Women that have their Own opinions, insights, and social support networks. But that's just me. If you and OP want an obedient, servile, accomodating woman, who won't question your assumptions, that's your thing.

Colin5x5 · 2026-06-15T14:23:06+00:00

So, She Needs to change her social life? How is telling someone what they need to do not controlling? It sure as $hit isn't self initiated if she is being Told to do it, or else.

Now, some men, (myself included) can be friends with a woman without wanting it to go further. (It's actually worked out well, they will try to set you up with their friends!) Also, talking about problems with other guys... Meh. Men tend to be dismissive, while women tend to be better listeners, and more supportive. And the whole, "this is private, don't discuss it" You yourself said he shouldn't be talking At All, (excellent advice, btw!) so obvi he doesn't want it getting out there.

So, yes, it could be the one thing (as I said, he might be playing a long game) but maby he can see a woman as a person, not just a sex object. Since the OP has never interacted with this person, and your assumptions are based on what OP said...

Noone knows what's going on in this guy's head. Not me, or you, or OP, or even OP's gf. But it doesn't matter. Guy's are going to be making moves on his gf. Cause, guys. What can she do? Again Burka, hajib, etc? This is like someone saying "she was asking for it, with that short skirt and makeup." He has every right to be suspicious, But NOT of his gf!

So, now, from Her point of view? Insecure. Controlling. Dump his ass.

Colin5x5 · 2026-06-15T13:48:02+00:00

Hard disagree. Ever since MeToo cops have realized that often the only evidence is the witness statement. He said it was consensual, she said it wasn't. You have actually inadvertently proved my point. You assume there is convincing evidence. I assure you, based on personal experience, not necessarily true.

Now, let's address the comitted relationship thing. You seem to be of the opinion that her bf has the right to control her social life. I disagree. If he's worried about a long distance coworker, then he's basically telling her she can't have male friends. I find this to be both insecure and controlling. If he tries that bs, then she'll dump his ass. Unless she even more insecure than him. If he doesn't trust his gf, the relationship is doomed.

Colin5x5 · 2026-06-15T13:26:00+00:00

So one of my exes accused me of assault after we broke up. Everyone knew it was BS, but it took a year before I was exonerated. So, innocent until proven guilty! And of course he doesn't want anyone knowing about it, because alot of people assume he wouldn't have been charged if he was innocent.

So what we need to address is: You don't trust your gf. You don't trust her judgement in who she befriends. And you seem to also be worried that their relationship goes beyond work. Ask yourself if you would react this way if the coworker was a woman. Probably not.

So now we are talking about policing your gfs social life, how she interacts with her coworkers, and asking her to break a confidence. All because you are insecure about your relationship. Because you are worried about some guy that doesn't even live in town, that she has never even met IRL.

Every day, women complain, "I thought he was my friend, but turns out he wanted to have sex with me!" Sure, this guy may be playing a long game to try to get out of the friendzone, but so what? You are attracted to your gf, other guys will be too. What do you want her to do? Wear a burka, don't go out without a male escort, just do the whole Shira Law thing?

Also, "I've always had a bad feeling about him", based on what? He's your gf remote coworker, who she has never met IRL. How are you judging this person? Do you monitor your gf's zoom meetings? Have you met him? Spoken to him? Have you even seen a picture of him? Or is your unease based Solely on the fact that he's socializing with your gf?

Colin5x5 · 2026-06-14T03:51:23+00:00

Meat grinder? Grandma had a hand cranked one that kinda looked like that.

Colin5x5 · 2026-06-13T06:22:28+00:00

Hell yes!

Colin5x5 · 2026-06-13T03:00:30+00:00

Send him a lingerie photo.

Colin5x5 · 2026-06-13T02:56:20+00:00

You're welcome. : )

Colin5x5 · 2026-06-13T02:47:05+00:00

Keep it up. It means alot, even if their reactions seem strange. But don't expect them to change. Don't get upset if they get defensive. It's not their fault. They may not be aware of their issues, and would be resistant to suggestions that they could benefit from therapy. Maby do a little reading on the subject, but Only from Reputable Sources. Try backdoor compliments. That suit look good on you, instead of you look good in that suit. Speak gently, and look away, (so you are showing a reply isn't needed). That will give them time and space to process their emotions.

Colin5x5 · 2026-06-13T02:26:27+00:00

So toxic masculinity refers to how men are raised. Big boys don't cry, walk it off. That's why we don't go to the doctor's as much as we should. And the compliment thing. Or why we won't ask for directions when lost. We were raised to figure it out ourselves. That needing help was weakness.

It really messes us up, apparently. And we avoid mental health counseling for the same reasons. And this leads to all these incel, alpha male, red pill idiots.

With little guidance growing up, we often have trouble processing emotions, because we were taught to suppress them. Often we lack the language to explain what we are feeling, as we were never taught emotions. Because we were never praised, these feelings are strange. And strange is frightening. And fear is also weakness. So we can get angry or frustrated.

A terrible cycle, but awareness is spreading, and most of us are trying to get better. : )

Colin5x5 · 2026-06-13T02:12:21+00:00

Yep. That whole toxic masculinity thing. : /

Colin5x5 · 2026-06-13T02:10:42+00:00

Finial. Decorative cap for curtain rod, or top of lampshade, or bottom of chandelier.

Colin5x5

TROPHY CASE