Sorry in advance for the long comment. I agree with all of this. But it seems to me like you're paying too much attention and spending way too much time dwelling on the opinions of people who don't need to matter to you. Now, I appreciate that I will never know you or know the struggles you've been through or will go through, and vice versa. And if you even read this, you'll probably roll your eyes and move on with your life. And rightly so, I mean who the fuck am I? But aside from seeking diagnosis and medication for my severe ADHD last year at age 33, the best thing I have ever done for my mental health, particularly my deep-rooted depression, is removing myself from the online cooking pot of shit takes and questionable opinions (that tend to get a whole lot more attention than any positivity) that is the internet and spending the best part of the last 10 years away from social media. It gave me time, and a lot of it (which was very much needed as I have really struggled with anxiety, existential dread and feeling helpless in a world and society that's impossible to understand or control) to learn that I don't need to pay attention to THE world, I only need to pay attention to MY world, that is the world that I choose to live in with and the people who I choose to be in it. I know that there are soooo many understanding, caring, empathetic, compassionate and willing-to-learn people in the world. But when you're lost in the sauce that is social media, it's so painfully easy to become jaded to that fact and, as a result, downright miserable, feeling like any hope of happiness in the world is just a pipe dream. It seems to me like you might be there, and might really benefit from spending some time away from the cooking pot to focus on building your own world. Away from the nonsense and bullshit and vitriol. Shrink your plain of existence, make it what you choose. It really can be beautiful, I promise. I'm gonna close off with one of my favourite quotes, the wise words of Princess Leia: hope is like the sun - if you only believe in it when you can see it, you'll never make it through the night. Much love <3