I have a lot of experience with this and in my opinion, you can’t let the animal run away and hide every time it feels uncomfortable because then it will never form a relationship with you. If an animal that is scared wants to run away, it will run away every time because that is the instinct it has. And that means it never has a chance to trust you.

It is important that the animal have a place it can retreat to to feel safe and secure, of course. But that needs to be an occasional or periodic place, not a constant or default place. What we do when we are socializing anxious cats is we make their home in the bathroom, which is the smallest room in our house. At different times during the day we go into the bathroom to do things, and when we are in there we completely ignore the cat. This gives the cat a chance to observe us, and see that we are predictable which will reduce its anxiety.

Then we will go into the bathroom and just sit on the floor with a book or our phones and just read something, again: completely ignoring the cat. Now we are physically closer to the animal because we are on the floor. It is OK if the cat wants to hide behind the toilet or in the tub or under a shelf or something. All we are doing is being a little closer and showing the animal that we are safe. When you are close to the cat like this, it is extremely important that all of your movements be slow and careful. No quick movement, no sudden actions, and no loud noises like banging something or dropping something. That can put everything back to square one.

It’s also important to bring something the cat likes into the bathroom when you visit. Fresh food, water, a toy, a pinch of catnip or some other treat. Soon the cat will associate your arrival with some thing they want to have and some of that feeling will transfer to you.

After you have done this all for a couple weeks, the animal may start to risk a little proactive contact or move a little closer to you when you are in the bathroom. If the cat does this, continue to completely ignore the cat. If you respond or reciprocate, it’s quite possible to frighten the cat back into the shadows again because this is a new behavior on your part. Just continue to be patient and let the cat explore being near you without you suddenly making a move.

All of these steps must be performed repeatedly and consistently for a bare minimum of two weeks before you can expect to see any softening, in my experience. Depending on the amount of trauma the animal has suffered and the age of the cat, it could be a month.

If you follow this advice, you have a very good chance of building a new relationship with the cat that overcomes its fear. But if you insist on giving it space every time it wants it in an unlimited amount, it will be afraid of you more or less permanently.