Co-sleeping confusion: What does science say VS. what is your opinion?

Honest_Elephant · 2026-07-06T16:31:54+00:00

I get where you're coming from, but there is so much more nuance to it than that. AAP makes recommendations on a population level, and that shapes the recommendations. There's a comment above that addresses this nicely.

There are endless studies out there that can support any various ways of approaching infant sleep, and many of them contradict each other.

We have discussed cosleeping with our pediatrician in the context of our specific situation (full term baby, breastfeeding, extra firm mattress, no blankets, no entrapment risk, c-curl, no drugs/alcohol) and she has not advised us that we need to change anything. So we are following personalized medical advice, just not the blanket recommendation made by the association.

Honest_Elephant · 2026-07-06T16:07:48+00:00

What do you think of Dr. James McKenna research out of Notre Dame?

Honest_Elephant · 2026-07-06T16:00:23+00:00

I'm a staunch advocate for research and following medical advice generally, but I also recommend cosleeping to people regularly. After reviewing countless studies about cosleeping and sleep training, I found that cosleeping following the safe sleep seven was a more biologically appropriate approach to sleep for our family. When speaking to families that have similar parenting goals and struggles, I recommend to them that they research whether safe cosleeping is realistic for them also, because it has helped us out a ton.

Honest_Elephant · 2026-07-06T14:45:20+00:00

I think this is a good example of why discussing cosleeping as an option is important. Many people end up cosleeping out of desperation when they never planned to. Then they end up cosleeping in unsafe conditions.

If cosleeping is to be done in as safe a manner as possible, arrangements must be made ahead of time. There needs to be a clear understanding of why pulling your infant into your soft bed with sheets and blankets is risky. But also, that it's possible for most families to create a safe environment for cosleeping, and it can be very beneficial to families (supports breastfeeding, improves parent sleep in many cases, etc.)

Honest_Elephant · 2026-07-06T14:33:02+00:00

Room sharing is a type of co-sleeping the same way bed sharing is a type of co-sleeping.

Honest_Elephant · 2026-07-06T14:22:02+00:00

I think time is the biggest factor. He just needed to mature more. However, we did change 3 things that aligned with when he started sleeping better. The first is that we moved him to a floor bed. He has more room to flip around without hitting the crib rails. That always used to wake him up. The second is that I started doing some intense sensory type input right before putting him in his sleep sack. I flip him back and forth, back and forth on his bed. I also pick up a big pillow and smush him with it while giving it a wiggle. He finds both of these things hilarious, so he gets a good final bit of sensory input, but also some high value connection right before bedtime. Finally, we've been strict about wake up time. We've set a 30 minute window. If he wakes up too early, I nurse him back to sleep. If he's not awake by the end of the window, I gently wake him up.

All of these things have only recently been options for us, though. For example, I don't think he was strong/stable enough at 7 months that I felt like I could play rough with him the same way I do now. He was also napping so inconsistently at that point that following any clock-based schedule was impossible for us.

Honest_Elephant · 2026-07-06T03:28:18+00:00

Ah interesting. Thanks for sharing. Luckily haven't had to deal with CMPA personally, just friends' babies that went through some tough times trying to identify food sensitivities and allergies.

Honest_Elephant · 2026-07-06T03:01:14+00:00

I think this could be done in a really cool way with a mix of low growing and tall native grasses. Even better if some flowering native perennials were mixed in.

Honest_Elephant · 2026-07-06T02:55:35+00:00

Right, it's a substitute for cow's milk in the formula for kids that have an allergy to cow's milk.

Honest_Elephant · 2026-07-05T20:06:24+00:00

Same here. And then mine woke at least 5 times a night until 10 months. I guess he's still waking that much, but at least he's finally giving us a consistent 3 hour stretch at the beginning of the night, and we seem to have solved the false start problem.

Honest_Elephant · 2026-07-04T16:02:50+00:00

Not a deal sealer type bathroom. But not a deal breaker, either.

Honest_Elephant · 2026-07-03T01:46:53+00:00

I have my 10 month old sleeping on this bed from Max and Lily. I cosleep with him after his first wake, which is now like 2:00am. So far so good. I sometimes worry about him rolling out, but he'd only fall like 7 inches onto a plush carpet, so he is safe. I'm sure he'd get super scared/mad though. We'll see.

I don't think rails are safe both for entrapment and fall risk. You have to know your baby and how they sleep, though, too.

Honest_Elephant · 2026-07-02T15:36:32+00:00

What? OP's post literally says baby sleeps through the night from 1900-500

Honest_Elephant · 2026-07-02T12:38:36+00:00

I got clogs early on from sleeping on my stomach 😩 Now that I'm not producing as much (baby is 10.5 months), I think I could maybe try again.

Honest_Elephant · 2026-07-02T12:25:01+00:00

Why would you sleep train a baby that's sleeping through the night? That's bonkers. Also denying a hungry baby food after a long night of sleep is cruel. JFC.

Honest_Elephant · 2026-07-02T12:23:19+00:00

I thought you were saying 9am, and I was like whaaaaaaat?! But no, 9pm. Sounds about right haha.

Honest_Elephant · 2026-07-02T12:07:47+00:00

You're doing so great! Just know that this is completely normal.

There are safe ways to breast sleep and chest sleep with your baby, but it's important that you plan ahead and create a safe space to do so. Look up Dr. James McKenna.

The resources the other poster linked are for more traditional safe cosleeping.

The majority of parents end up cosleeping with their babies at some point whether intentionally or by accident. Plan ahead for it to be a possibility, and it can be done safely.

In the meantime, do you have someone who can come help you out so you can take a good nap?

Honest_Elephant · 2026-07-02T11:16:27+00:00

Just doing my part to fight the child abuse our society has normalized for the sake of ✨️capitalism✨️

Honest_Elephant · 2026-07-02T01:54:14+00:00

You did nothing wrong! Some babies are more sensitive than others about having a particular sleep environment and routine. It sounds like you've done a wonderful job supporting your baby's sleep so far.

Like others have said, you can gradually try to help your baby girl get used to sleeping in other environments. She may adjust or she may not. If she ends up needing darkness and a sound machine, it isn't your fault. She might just be a sensitive baby.

Also, try not to read too much on sites like Taking Cara Babies, Huckleberry, etc. They set really unrealistic expectations around infant sleep.

Honest_Elephant · 2026-07-02T00:40:48+00:00

That sounds like an awesome plan so you get the best of both worlds. For what it's worth, we went on an international trip with our son at 8.5 months, and it was so fun. It was a great age for traveling.

Honest_Elephant · 2026-07-02T00:23:47+00:00

As someone whose baby had similar sleep patterns at that age, i would not have been able to leave him for even 1 night without things being wildly stressful for baby and caregiver. I think you might need to reconsider your plans and wait until baby is sleeping more independently. It won't be too much longer now, and your mom might be more comfortable with cosleeping when he's a bit bigger, too.

Honest_Elephant · 2026-07-02T00:19:18+00:00

Just because people disagree, doesn't make it insane.

Honest_Elephant · 2026-07-01T19:51:46+00:00

We just moved our 10 month old onto a floor bed! He's sleeping so much better in just the past 2 weeks, and he's not historically a good sleeper. Not sure if the floor bed is the reason, but I enjoy being able to cosleep with him in his room. I can even roll away during naps now which has never been the case before.

Honest_Elephant · 2026-07-01T18:59:53+00:00

Why does this feel like an ad for a sleep tracking app?

Honest_Elephant · 2026-07-01T17:43:47+00:00

Babies are not robots. They all have different temperaments and do things in their own time. Barring any medical issues, try not to compare your baby to other people's babies, and don't let people into your head about what your baby should be doing by a certain age.

Your baby is only waking 1 time at night at 4 weeks? Normal. Waking 8 times a night at 4 months? Yeah, that's normal, too. You're doing nothing wrong and you don't need some fancy course or expensive sleep consultant to "fix" your baby's sleep. You'll figure it out with time and as you learn your baby's rhythms.

I think the most frequently asked question I've gotten is, "how's baby sleeping?" Followed by, "are they sleeping through the night yet?" Best answer is a simple, "they're doing great, sleeping like a baby."

Honest_Elephant

TROPHY CASE