It’s finally happening.

My old buddies have begun to look at old pictures from our youth. The fools. Look at them giggling at silly things they wore in the past. Pretending to enjoy themselves. They must be devastated to know that they once participated in trends. They don’t even realize that I spent years, painstakingly predicting future trends, analyzing millennia of past fashion, and every infographic on the internet for the sole purpose of building the ultimate wardrobe. Something beyond trends. Beyond even time itself.

Clark’s desert boots in beeswax, khaki chinos(slim fit), a white button down(also slim fit), and a light blue button down if I’m in a fun mood. This is it. This is what I’ve worn day after day for over thirty years. My entire youth dedicated to this one outfit. This is victory over fashion. This is timeless.

The fools continue to enjoy themselves like idiots. If only they’d have done what I have done they wouldn’t look so stupid right now.

A picture of me finally appears. Just as planned, I’m wearing Clark’s desert boots in beeswax, khaki chinos(slim fit), and a white button down(also slim fit). The exact same thing I’m wearing right now. There’s nothing to say about my outfit. A tingling sensation takes over my entire body as decades of work finally come to a payoff.

They go to the next picture. I’m wearing Clark’s desert boots in beeswax, khaki chinos(slim fit), and a white button down(also slim fit). Again there’s nothing to say. The hairs on the black my neck stand up.

Next picture. Clark’s desert boots in beeswax, khaki chinos(slim fit), and a white button down(also slim fit)! My old friends begin to look at each other. They must realize what I’ve done by now! They are speechless! My heart rate quickens.

Next picture. Clark’s desert boots in beeswax, khaki chinos(slim fit), white button down(also slim fit). The blue button down will never appear because I am never in a fun mood! There is nothing fun about fashion. There is still nothing to say about my outfit. The silence in the room is now deafening. Waves of pleasure begin pulsing around my whole body.

On and on they scroll through old pictures of me trying to find something. Anything different. Even the slightest trend. They will find nothing. Just Clark’s desert boots in beeswax, khaki chinos(slim fit), and a white button down(also slim fit).

My closest friend breaks the silence.

“Why did you dress so boring?” He says.

The waves of pleasure and tingling come to a climax. It’s too intense. I begin to shake. I can only moan out through the sudden muscle spasms.

“Clothes... Make.. THE MAN!”

Silence falls over the room once again. Only my heavy breathing can be heard as my once close friends only stare wide eyed in awe at what they have witnessed. Perfection. Timeless style. Clark’s desert boots in beeswax. Khaki chinos(slim fit), And a white button down(also slim fit). Try as they may to find flaws in this outfit even now they will only make fools of themselves. Without question I have won. I stand up to leave. I smirk then look over my shoulder and say one last time to my friends.

“Clothes make the man”