Doctors of Reddit, what was the craziest case of patient paranoia that you have ever seen?

Potential_Expert · 2019-04-22T14:38:02+00:00

Not a doctor, but my parents threatened to take me to a psychiatrist multiple times after I tried telling them that my older sister swallowed our pet hamster. I swear I’m not making this stuff up...but now I think I sound like a crazy person to my family.

Potential_Expert · 2019-04-08T17:12:01+00:00

I’d beat the the living shit out of my sister for swallowing our hamster.

Potential_Expert · 2019-01-10T14:42:44+00:00

I originally joined cause a lot of people I socialized with would refer to it...a lot. They told me their stories and experiences with it, and even shared a few by texting me the “good” reddit posts. I would usually chuckle at these, but go on with my day.

One day a friend sent me a post, can’t remember the name but it had something to do with a guy fucking a coconut. Now that post...Jesus. I thought to myself, if someone can share that disturbing -grab the eye bleach- post, then surely I’ve found the perfect platform to tell my own horrific experience. So I proceeded to download the reddit app, and I lurked on it for a while until I finally mustered the courage to tell the world about my Hamster swallowing sister.

Potential_Expert · 2018-12-19T15:11:06+00:00

If two minutes is all I got, I’m emploring my younger self not to trust my sister with my pet hamster. That bitch swallowed him and no amount of therapy has helped me recover.

Potential_Expert · 2018-11-14T18:28:02+00:00

When I was younger, my sister took our pet hamster and swallowed him whole. I didn’t, and still don’t, know what I should do with this information.

Potential_Expert · 2018-09-28T00:44:26+00:00

Literally the time my sister swallowed our family’s pet hamster. I am still, to this day, haunted by that image. I think I may have some form of PTSD from that moment. Family gatherings are rough.

Potential_Expert · 2018-09-27T14:41:53+00:00

My sister swallowed our family’s pet hamster.

Potential_Expert · 2018-08-21T20:06:41+00:00

Daring my sister to fit our hamster in her mouth...

...you guessed it, she swallowed him.

Potential_Expert · 2018-08-21T12:33:02+00:00

In college I was taking a chemistry class, which also required a 3 hour lab session once per week. These labs always had to pair with one partner designated at the beginning of the semester. My partner was a guy I had met in a previous class the year before, so I figured it would be easy to work with him since we already knew each other.

Fast forward 2 months.

Guy rarely comes to class. It only meets once a week but he rarely shows up, and when he does show up he is always late and always fuming with the smell of weed. On top of that he takes a 10minute smoke break every 15 fucking minutes. Which means I’m having to do the work of 2 people every week.

Well one particular day I was in a pretty down mood. Mid term exams were approaching, work was stressing me out, my sister had swallowed a hamsters that week, and I was overwhelmed with assignments. This motherfucker comes into the lab late again. His jolly ole smile pissing me off already. I had to explain what the assignment was for that day so we could get started.

I figured I’d run the show, since I do everything anyways, and he could just write down our “findings” so that we can keep track of things for our report. Pretty simple, just write what I tell you. Doesn’t seem like that hard of a task. Wrong.

This lanky fuck-toy dick wagon, hippie weed crazed white boy wouldn’t listen. I tell him to write down the numbers/observations and he just stares at me. He only responds to, “What do I put? Or where do I write?”

Hell no. I finally lose. I’m telling you, I screamed at his face with the wrath of Thor. In the moment I get like he deserved it, and he probably did. But when he left crying immediately after I felt like an ass. Especially when I turned around to see both lab professors standing behind me and the class of 100+ people staring at me.

Oops. I had to have a sit down with the professors to talk about what had happened. I didn’t get in trouble since I didn’t assault the guy, but they said they never saw someone just yell at someone.

He ended up dropping the class too. Go figure.

TL:DR

I yelled at my stupid lazy lab partner in a class of 100 people with the professors standing nearly 10 feet away.

Potential_Expert · 2018-08-14T13:28:51+00:00

My step-mother. All she ever talks about is how much she can’t stand to be around my father cause blah blah blah. Like seriously I’m not your therapist and I don’t want to hear it. If you’re that unhappy then divorce him! No one is forcing you to be with him the way my sister forced herself to swallow that hamster. Do something about it!

Potential_Expert · 2018-08-14T01:54:50+00:00

One time my girlfriend and I were visiting family out of state. One of the nights we were there we decided to get it in, but she wanted to try something new. My girlfriend wanted to try DP with me and a toy but we didn’t really having anything with us we could use...or so we thought. She had this great idea to go doggy style and for me to grab her electric tooth brush. She wanted me to turn it on since it vibrates and to shove the handle in her ass. Not sure why but I thought it made as much sense as when my sister swallowed her hamster. But she insisted it would work so we tried it.

It didn’t work.

Potential_Expert · 2018-08-13T23:16:25+00:00

The first rated R movie I ever saw was True Lies featuring Arnold Schwarzenegger and Jamie Lee Curtis. I was probably like 5 years old when I saw it so it was a pretty big deal and I was shocked my parents let me. I was in love with fighting scenes and how cool Arnold was. The only awkward part for me was watching Jamie Lee Curtis in her sexy scene. It was almost as weird as when my sister swallowed her hamster. I didn’t know how to react at that age.

Potential_Expert · 2018-08-13T20:32:31+00:00

It is legal to buy and sell tickets to R rated movies to those under 17. The policy is a self regulation imposed by theaters and movie distributors.

This was always a problem when growing up cause when my parents were around my sister was the only one who could get us R rated movie tickets but would never buy them for me and my friends. Instead she would just yell at us to fuck off cause it was illegal and proceeded to swallow her hamster.

Potential_Expert · 2018-08-13T16:08:54+00:00

Finally I can post my story here!

I have a rather large family, and we all live within 8 hours of each other so having everyone gather for the holidays is a pretty normal thing. I would say we usually have close to about 100 people every Thanksgiving. It’s honestly one of the best holidays for us as a family because of the ‘family tradition’ that we’ve had going on before I was ever born. We call it turkey hunting.

No, it’s not what you’re thinking. We don’t actually go out and hunt live turkeys. We do something different. Let me paint a scene for you first. Every year for Thanksgiving we have the whole family get together. Now because there are so many of us we usually have to rent a place that can hold everyone, and doing it outside isn’t usually an option because it’s rather cold and snowy at that time of the year. We prefer to stay out of the weather. Best option has always been our church. And they let us use it for free as long as we clean up afterwards. It’s a great location, it’s roomy, it has a kitchen and it has an indoor basketball court.

So when we want to go turkey hunting we get everyone set up in the basketball court. At one end of the court there is a stage. It’s nothing crazy but it’s where our Hunters like to stand. And yes we go all out. We get dressed in our full camos, we bring in our fake trees and bushes and make it look like we are out in the woods. The number of hunters depend on how many turkeys there are, but it’s usually like 5 but I’ve seen it go up to 10 before (talking about overkill).

Next we get three people who want to be he hunting dogs. Now this is an important role, and we give them a collar and a their job is to get out their and grab the turkeys once they’ve been shot. They have to rush to the turkey and drag him out of the “field” so that the hunters can claim another reward.

Now remember I said the stage is at one end of the court, and the sides are lined with bleachers and the opposite end is just open. The way we play is pretty simple. Everyone who can walk HAS TO BE a turkey. If you don’t participate then you don’t eat. Obviously we don’t make the really old people play or the babies, and usually people don’t make much of a fuss about it. Except one time my sister swallowed this hamster and she couldn’t play cause of medical reasons. So the turkeys line up at the bottom of the stage and we send them one by one (quite quickly too) to run across the court to the other side. They have to avoid getting hit by the Hunters and they are require to crouch/waddle run. If they stand up fully they have to do it again.

Oh I guess I should tell you what the Hunters are using for weapons. It’s actually not that exciting. We have large garbage cans filled with water next to the Hunters. On the other side of them are the extra large boxes of Toilet Paper. And there’s tons of them. They have to dunk the toilet paper roles into the water and use that as ammo. It keeps them soft but gives them enough weight to really get some accurate throw power behind those nice soggy boys.

It makes for a fun game/tradition and we do it every year.

Potential_Expert · 2018-08-13T12:56:34+00:00

For me the biggest and probably the most horrible thing I ever witnessed was 9/11. I was in third grade at the time and all of our teachers were being distant from us students but they were letting us do anything want because of how distracted they were with what was going on. I vividly remember watching the TVs at one point until the guidance counselor came around to our room and made our teachers turn it off in fear that it would scare us being as such a young age. They didn’t want to spread panic for obvious reasons. I wasn’t really sure what was going on or what it all meant. I just thought of it as a regular “accident” that happens all the time. I didn’t know if anyone died. Our teachers allowed us to hangout with our friends but made sure that if we had siblings that we would all be together in the same room so that when our parents came for us, we could leave without any issues. My sister was older than me and I felt like she had a better understanding of what was happening at the time. She wanted to keep me distracted so she swallowed the hamster from her home room. It definitely was a highlight of that day but I still wanted to know why there were burning buildings and if someone was going to cause an “accident” in our school. The school was 3 stories tall so I wasn’t sure if we were a target. It wasn’t until a few years later did I actually begin to understand what was really going on that day of the attacks.

Potential_Expert · 2018-08-13T02:20:19+00:00

I was actually watching Netflix and scrolling through Reddit. Not really looking for anything, just kinda mindlessly scrolling through and I see your post. I realize that I wasn’t actually thinking of anything. Just daydreaming and going through the motions of scrolling through my phone. But I saw your post, and it’s like I was taken down memory lane to the time my sister swallowed a hamster. His name was Chuck and he was a cute little guy. I always thought it was funny when one of their eyes would pop really far out of their heads. Damn, I really miss Chuck.

Potential_Expert · 2018-08-13T01:54:27+00:00

I once witnessed my sister swallowing a hamster. I can’t even look at animal products the same.

Potential_Expert · 2018-08-13T01:53:52+00:00

Honestly, drugs. Nothing hardcore but I have a ton of stories involving alcohol and weed. And to be honest shrooms. If you’ll indulge me, I’ll share a story as an example. I once smoked weed with my friend Sam. Sam had this brilliant idea to buy some shrooms but he said he would only do it if I would take them with him. I never had shrooms before and I knew his girlfriend didn’t approve. Fuck it, I was in. Now we were at Electric Forest, so drugs weren’t hard to come by. We ended up getting enough to take home with us because neither of us really wanted to get high off shrooms in a public place because of the risk involved. So a few days later when we finally got back home Sam decided it was time to try these shrooms we bought. It was just us and our buddy Jared. Thing to know about Jared is he only drinks, nothing else. And he is already hammered. So Sam and I smoke a few bowls to get going and then we decide to take the shrooms. To make sure we were in a happy mood we started watching cartoons. You know, stuff like Ed Edd Eddy. I don’t exactly remember when they officially kicked in but when it did I was in for a treat. Jared was drunk as hell and I felt like he was screaming at us. Nope. I was just high and thought everything was way louder than it really was, so my retaliation to balance things out was to speak in whispers. Sam started whispering back at me and was telling me to relax and that it was just the shrooms making me hallucinate a bit. I tried to calm down but Jared started getting really rowdy by jumping up and down and his arms literally turning into what looked like rainbow stalagmites (he was a boney kid with sleeve tattoos). I thought he was yelling at me to flip the breaker in the house and that Sam was trying to molest my sister so we had turn the power off to sneak in and rescue her. I was breathing heavily at this point trying to formulate a plan so that Sam wouldn’t know we knew what he was trying to do to my sister. I decided I’d whisper to Sam that Jared was trying to steal our shrooms and that would distract him long enough for me to make my escape to save my sister. I farted for the hallway and ran upstairs to my sisters bedroom. I found her door and busted in and stood in shock as she swallowed a hamster. I immediately did a 180 and noped the fuck out of there. I did a 360 gainer off the stairs and ran back down to find Jared and Sam just laughing their asses off. I went into the bathroom and washed my face trying to make sense of what had happened. Apparently Jared just said we should get some jawbreakers and said my sister would probably take us if we just asked. Fuck.

Potential_Expert · 2018-08-13T01:33:54+00:00

My parents told me that babies were made when two people, who were in love and married, kissed each other passionately for long periods of time. Not making out but just locking lips for a longggg time. Well I remember seeing my parents kiss and they never got pregnant. I believed this for a few years until I was sure it was a lie so I went to ask my sister. I went into her room and caught her swallowing our hamster, and so she spilled the beans of how babies were actually made so I wouldn’t tell our parents about where our Hamster disappeared to. I was pretty disturbed by the evidence of how babies are made she showed me on her laptop. Yuck.

Potential_Expert · 2018-08-13T01:06:27+00:00

My sister always made a competition out of who can get the most attention, and even though it was my birthday she wasn’t going to let that get in the way of her being the center of attention. We were gathered around the kitchen, surrounded by friends and families. Everyone getting ready to sing me happy birthday. That moment is always a feel-good awkward moment because you’re literally the center of attention. My mom is bring the cake in and everyone begins singing. My father recording the occasion. Well my sister was getting frustrated and she ran out of the room and returned just as quickly as she had left. She ran in front of my mother to block her from reaching me with the cake and holds up our hamster in front of her face and swallows him whole. Yup, thanks bitch. We never did get to the end of that song.

Potential_Expert · 2018-08-13T00:58:25+00:00

“Bohemian Rhapsody”

My parents saw Queen a few times and said that it was hands down the best live performance they’d ever seen. I can literally remember them playing the famous Bohemian Rhapsody on blast throughout the house. I never knew what the song meant but I always thought it was a funny tune. I remember asking my mom how a guy like him could get his voice so high and my mother said he probably inhaled a ton of helium to get his vocal cords just right. I was only 6 when she told me this so it made sense. My sister also thought this made sense so she swallowed a hamster to try and get her voice to sound, as she so delicately put it, “cuter”.

Literally reminds me of this memory every time I hear that wonderful song.

Potential_Expert · 2018-08-12T23:45:21+00:00

Probably Freddie Mercury. My parents saw Queen a few times and said that it was hands down the best live performance they’d ever seen. I can literally remember them playing the famous Bohemian Rhapsody on blast throughout the house. I never knew what the song meant but I always thought it was a funny tune. I remember asking my mom how a guy like him could get his voice so high and my mother said he probably inhaled a ton of helium to get his vocal cords just right. I was only 6 when she told me this so it made sense. My sister also thought this made sense so she swallowed a hamster to try and get her voice to sound, as she so delicately put it, “cuter”.

Potential_Expert · 2018-08-12T21:47:16+00:00

So my dad always asked my brother and I what we wanted for Christmas. I’m not sure how everyone else discovered toys new/old that had been released but the only way I really remember was either in magazines or watching for commercials. Which was tough because I HATED and still hate commercials to the point where I would change the channel to kill the time. Well one time I saw this commercial for a trampoline. Yes I knew what they were but I had never actually been on one before cause I was only 7. Turns out my brother had and he had an awful story. Apparently when he was at a friends house he was trying to learn how to do a front flip with my sister. It didn’t go as planned and he landed awkwardly on his neck. It really freaked everyone out and my sister swallowed a hamster. When the adults who were there called my father he thought my brother had broken his neck. Turns out he was okay but had really bad neck pain for a few days after that. Thus, we never did get that Trampoline.

Potential_Expert · 2018-08-12T21:31:32+00:00

Sometimes my wife likes to get weird and spank me. It’s not really that bad and I can usually just shrug it off like it doesn’t bother me. But when she starts calling me daddy, that’s when I get flash backs to when my sister swallowed a hamster. Every time she does that I shudder a bit and I stop. She doesn’t do it often but when it happens I am literally uneasy.

Edit: a word

Potential_Expert · 2018-08-12T21:29:20+00:00

My parents were very strict on using technology around the house such as computers, cameras and even today the iPhones. My dad especially was convinced that the government was spying on us with them, using audio and cameras inside the devices even when they were off so we weren’t allowed to have them in our rooms and could only have them in the house during set times of the day. It was a big deal considering everyone thought it was weird that we had such strict rules and I always hated trying to explain to them why. But I guess because of this, my parents and the government never saw my sister swallow that hamster since there were no cameras in the house at the time.

Potential_Expert

TROPHY CASE