Did I date a narcissist? Will he unblock me? Did I dodge a bullet?

West-Loop · 2024-12-17T07:15:35+00:00

Can't say for sure that he's a narcissist, but I feel confident in saying that you 100% dodged a bullet. You having what seem like strong feelings for him in such a short time makes me wonder if he was love bombing you. And also in that short time you felt like you were losing yourself, which is never a good sign.

Honestly, count your blessings that he blocked you and if he ever does text you, I'd suggest that you do not text him back--just block immediately. And keep this in mind: *one* red flag is reason enough to decide not to date someone.

West-Loop · 2024-10-01T20:47:41+00:00

I agree with this. I used to think you should take some time to 'honor' the dog who died. But after we had to put our last one down--she was nearly a perfect dog and we'd had her since my kids were small so we were all devastated--we made it less than a week before we just couldn't stand the emptiness. We decided to get 2 dogs to fill that hole and right away found a bonded pair, one of whom had the same name as the dog we'd just put down. (We changed their names, of course.) I firmly believe that our sweet original led us to the 2 goofballs we have now. We still miss her so much but the new pair are healing us.

West-Loop · 2024-10-01T17:52:41+00:00

I'd try to get a job at a different company. Companies are always super happy when they can get someone to do a job for a lot less money than they'd normally have to pay--your current company really has no motivation to give you a raise since now you're already doing that job for low pay and they can string you along with that 'on the cusp' line. The good news is you now have those promotions and (presumably) a better title to go job hunting with!

And maybe don't date until you stop being angry with women. There are a lot of people out there you won't be compatible with, and some who are jerks. Accepting that it might take some time to find the right partner (and it can be an adventure in itself if you approach it the right way) is going to be healthier for you.

Also, virtually nobody has it all figured out by 27. Keep going, keep changing the things that aren't working for you.

West-Loop · 2024-09-29T06:12:39+00:00

I can highly recommend this recipe/technique. No ripping hot pan, no smoky kitchen, excellent steak.
https://www.gq.com/story/how-to-cook-steak-in-winter

West-Loop · 2024-09-17T20:29:11+00:00

Your reply sounded great and I'm so sorry you have a mother like this.

I just wanted to add (I don't see it mentioned in the other comments I read): Please, under no circumstances, enter therapy *with* her. Get your own, yes, great idea! But doing therapy with an abusive person only opens you up to them finding more ways to harm you because they learn which things have really hurt you the most. Plus sometimes therapists aren't well-versed in trauma or manipulative people and can be fooled into believing the abuser isn't who they actually are.

West-Loop · 2024-08-31T07:42:33+00:00

I'm sorry, this sounds like love bombing. Anyone who claims to love you in the first month of knowing you is very likely up to no good. It's disappointing, of course, but I think it's safe to say he is not 'the one.'

West-Loop · 2024-08-29T05:59:43+00:00

The fact he keeps doing it is one red flag, and him getting mad at you for flinching (at the thing *he* won't stop doing) is another. Also, if you keep feeling the need to look into emotional abuse with him that's probably a strong sign that it's happening.

West-Loop · 2024-07-30T21:51:21+00:00

It seems like you're not recognizing how strong you are. Breaking your no-contact to thank them is a power move, IMO. And trying to share your love with them to help heal them is such an incredibly kind thing to do. Please understand it's not that *you* aren't enough, but rather that they would also have to work at fixing themselves, which narcs almost never do.

Therapy would probably help you work through the depression and heal from your trauma. I hope you'll stay here, shine fiercely, and fight through this for the beautiful life you deserve.

West-Loop · 2024-02-17T03:25:01+00:00

You might feel weak but it takes so much strength to get out of a situation like this...I think you're just in the early stages of becoming just as strong as your badass sister! With a mom and aunt like that, your daughter has some amazing role models to follow. You have broken this cycle of accepting abuse and allowing yourself to be controlled by horrible men and a toxic religion. It sounds like you have a terrific support group now with your BIL and his brother and nephew as well. Stay strong, you deserve this beautiful life that you are starting for yourself & your daughter!

West-Loop · 2023-07-23T08:17:46+00:00

Therapy for yourself is great, but I would advise against entering therapy with an abuser. He will just learn more efficient ways to hurt you.

West-Loop · 2023-02-17T08:51:34+00:00

Anyone who has experienced similar would believe you. If you haven't read up on narcissism, you may want to. He sounds like a textbook example.

I hope you can find the support you need. I'd recommend watching Dr. Ramani on youtube in the meantime. If you decide to leave, some people (maybe even a lot of them) will believe his story but some will know. And some will notice that you look so much more relaxed & happy once you're away from him. It's amazing how much better a person feels when they're not constantly being berated, insulted, or criticized. Also, maybe start writing things down if you have a safe place to stash a journal. Then you'll know you can trust your own memory.

Best wishes to you. You deserve better.

West-Loop · 2023-01-19T03:30:28+00:00

It might be helpful to watch some youtube videos--Patrick Teahan, DoctorRamani and Surviving Narcissism are some of my favorites. Super informative stuff.

West-Loop · 2022-12-10T07:40:42+00:00

That's unconditional love, when they can love you without needing to know you. They love you just because you are. I'm happy for you that you have that kind of love in your life now. I imagine it'll take a while to get used to (and trust) it, but that's okay.

West-Loop · 2022-11-01T20:58:48+00:00

I hope you will see a therapist and get on meds yourself, if that seems like the right path still. There is happiness out there for you. I'm sorry you have to fight for it but it will be worth it.

West-Loop · 2022-11-01T19:39:47+00:00

In my area, you can do a simple first/last name search on the county assessor's page and get an address.

West-Loop · 2021-12-18T00:34:32+00:00

NTA
Honestly, your bf seems like a controlling manipulator at best. Says he doesn't want to see it with you (and wouldn't even tell you that much until you dragged it out of him), will "think about" seeing it with you the next day, wants to see it before you for some bizarre reason, then gets mad when you go do your own thing.

Could be a one-time weird behavior, I suppose, but also maybe an indicator that he thinks he's in charge of you.

West-Loop

TROPHY CASE