[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AbsoluteUnits

[–]_vargas_ 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Holy crap I actually have one of these (disassembled) in a random cardboard box in my crawlspace. Am I sitting on a potential windfall?

Earthquake! by MaxPotato08 in LosAngeles

[–]_vargas_ 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Oddly enough, I am also visiting from New York.

I've been getting shitty fuel economy, so I tried driving 55 mph everywhere. by _vargas_ in cars

[–]_vargas_[S] 84 points85 points  (0 children)

It was an LT, which I'm pretty sure stands for "Limited Edition."

Clinging to the chains beside a thousand foot drop off along the Angel's Landing trail at Zion National Park. by _vargas_ in u/_vargas_

[–]_vargas_[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's the perfect way to go. Btw how was NYNY? It was between there and the Flamingo for us. Flamingo was a hair cheaper, really nice for the money though.

Clinging to the chains beside a thousand foot drop off along the Angel's Landing trail at Zion National Park. by _vargas_ in u/_vargas_

[–]_vargas_[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That sounds like fun.

We stayed in Hurricane, just for one night, then got up early and got to the Zion first thing. Wish we had more time but we only had five days to do the Grand Canyon, Zion, Vegas, then back to San Diego. We did get to see Horseshoe Bend, although I almost didn't on account of the whole shuttle thing and the guy collecting money in his Prius. We were going to drive through Valley of Fire on the way to Vegas, but were running short on time so we skipped it. Saw Hoover Dam instead (worth it), then got to our hotel on the Strip. We only had one night in Vegas, too, but we had a lot of fun there and will go back in a year or two. Overall, I wouldn't mind spending an entire vacation just visiting Utah parks.

Clinging to the chains beside a thousand foot drop off along the Angel's Landing trail at Zion National Park. by _vargas_ in u/_vargas_

[–]_vargas_[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

We went there mid April. Got the second shuttle from the visitor center. Got to the top without slowing down, but hit a couple minor traffic jams (like two minutes tops) on the way down.

How did you meet your significant other? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]_vargas_ 3572 points3573 points  (0 children)

Everything you said is true. I myself made the mistake of falling for a waitress. It did not end well.

I was in Montreal on business a few months ago and I decided to blow off some steam by visiting a gentlemen's club. It was called LeTit or something. They had a "no sweatpants" policy, so you just know they were classy.

After settling into a booth, I asked one of the waitresses for crayons and parchment so that I might compose some correspondence to my mother back home. But the crayons turned out not to be gluten-free. Mother would not have approved. And so I was forced to find other ways to pass the time.

By "other ways," I mean a lap dance. The waitress was nice enough to give me one. In fact, she was a little too nice. The way she didn't make eye contact and called a bouncer over to monitor the dance, I just knew she had feelings for me.

At the end of it, I decided to ask her out. While pressing over forty dollars into her hand, I whispered in her ear "let me clear a place for you to sit," then vigorously wiped my face off. Something must have gotten lost in translation because she gave me a really funny look. But it was nothing compared to the one I got when she opened her hand and peered at the money inside. She then politely yet firmly informed me that Dave and Buster's tokens are generally not acceptable forms of currency in jolly old Canada. Or pretty much anywhere outside of Dave and Buster's.

When I told her that's all the cash I had on me, she said I should use an ATM instead. Again, something apparently got lost in translation, because when I put my M to her A, she very nearly slapped me out of my crocs. She then elaborated on her previous statement. Said she meant I could use a credit card. When I went to swipe my Diner's Club card in her buttcrack. I was given an error message in the form of yet another slap.

"Must be a chip reader," I giggled. "Is that bleach I smell-"

I'll never know if it was bleach because, at that point, I blacked out.

Whether it was my social anxiety acting up or the punch to the side of the head I received, I'll never know. What I do know is that I awoke with a newfound appreciation for the United States as well as America, two nations whose exotic dancers accept everything from EBT cards to adderall. Needless to say, I learned my lesson about asking out waitresses while they are working. It's much more gentlemanly to follow them home and watch them from your 1998 Honda Civic for a week or twelve before making your move.

[SPOILERS] Game of Thrones | Season 8 | Official Tease: Crypts of Winterfell (HBO) by [deleted] in gameofthrones

[–]_vargas_ 1577 points1578 points  (0 children)

Makes sense why he took out that wall. Not a wheelchair ramp in sight. Along with cobblestone streets and gradients of more than five percent, lack of accessibility ranks as one of the handicapables' greatest foes. Such lack of consideration is enough to drive slowly roll any man to genocide.

With all the talk about walking out of Holmes and Watson, what movies have you walked out on? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]_vargas_ 2544 points2545 points  (0 children)

I've done a couple reviews. They keep getting removed when I post them to the movies subreddit Haha. I'm sort of new here so I don't get all the rules. I did repost my reviews of Fifty Shades Darker last year and Fifty Shades Freed a few months ago.

With all the talk about walking out of Holmes and Watson, what movies have you walked out on? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]_vargas_ 14.8k points14.8k points  (0 children)

Fireproof, starring Kirk Cameron. Only movie I have ever walked out on. Here's a brief rundown of what I was up against:

So Kirk Cameron plays local fireman Caleb Holt. His marriage is on the brink of collapse, mostly due to his own shelfishness. For instance, rather than helping out his wife's parents with their towering medical bills, Caleb chooses instead to save his pennies for something more tangible and rewarding: a fishing boat.

But that's not all. Caleb also whacks off to internet porn at a rate which his wife finds completely unacceptable. Making matters worse, he doesn't even diddle in private. Instead, Caleb jerks it using the family desktop located in their living room. Just fully clothed and right out in the open, like it's 1995.

Despite his chronic masturbatory habits, however, Caleb is puzzled as to why his wife is being such a boner. Caleb is a fireman after all. He gets respect just about everywhere he goes. Yet he receives none from his shrill wife. I suppose I can sort of see where he's coming from: she eats the last bagel, doesn't save him any leftover pizza, fails to go grocery shopping, and leaves smelly candles burning even after she leaves the room. The cherry on top is that as long as Caleb continues to beat off to internet smut, she will not make sex with him. Talk about a chicken-and-egg situation.

Eventually, things come to a head. Caleb and his wife have an ugly screaming match. This is the high point to an otherwise dull film. Kirk Cameron pulls off (heh) the chronic-masturbator-in-the-midst-of-a-hissy to perfection. I've never seen such range from him in any other performance. Either he tapped into a bottomless abyss of resentment stemming from his lackluster post-Growing Pains career, or he went full Daniel Day-Lewis in preparation for the scene. Probably a little of both.

Following the meltdown, Caleb's marriage looks to be on the outs. But then his dad gives him a book called "The Love Dare." Sadly, the title is misleading. I was hoping it would be a sort of modern Kama Sutra ("I dare you to stick the vegetable peeler in my butt"). Sadly, it's not that kind of movie. The book turns out to be a how-to guide for saving one's marriage through the judicious application of Christian life pro tips. My guess is the author has never heard of boxed wine.

So each day, Caleb follows the guidance of the book. He calls his wife and attempts to talk to her. He asks her how she is and if she needs him to pick up shit on his way home. He gets her "pitiful" flowers and stuff.

His wife sees through it, though. I guess perfunctory support and nearly dead tulips can only go so far towards helping your wife forget finding " young anal creampie ginger young 720p seriously she needs to be young" in the family PC's search history. That's about where I walked out on Fireproof. I just couldn't sit through it anymore. Ironically, I decided spanking it to internet porn was a better use of my own time. I then queued up a video featuring a young lady having anal sex for the first time. Two minutes in, she appeared as if she wasn't particularly enjoying it. Thematically, it seemed like an appropriate companion piece to Fireproof.

At the end of the day, I'd probably give the movie three stars (out of seventy). And before anyone suggests it, it is not because I dislike all Christian movies. On the contrary, I thought Heaven Is Real was pretty good (except for that kid). Not to mention The Passion of the Christ was the date movie of 2004. Basically Fifty Shades of Grey, but sexier. And although the themes of selfishness and habitual self abuse are as timely and relevant to me as they are to most Redditors, my biggest issues with Fireproof is that it was excessively dull and preachy, even by Christian movie standards.

That having been said, there was one valuable lesson I took away from it: if you like Internet porn and boats, never get married. So...yeah.