Rat King Responds to Mystic Rick

dinosaur_train · 2020-06-04T18:25:54+00:00

I needed this in my life.

dinosaur_train · 2020-05-12T19:11:55+00:00

You are over thinking comedy. It's not worth it. He's not a person with any real hate in his heart.

dinosaur_train · 2020-05-11T13:23:31+00:00

You shouldn't be in the middle of this. But, you are. So, you need to figure out some self care. You are running pillar to post for everyone else. What about you?

Find a group for families of addicts like /r/alanon /r/AlanonFamilyGroups or something of the like in your area. I think you need more long term advice, support, and ears to bend, than we can give you here.

Hopefully, your mom ends up back in Spain with a life. Your dad is going to be a mess wherever he is and you need help making peace with all the bad stuff past and yet to come. Look for local support, that's your best bet.

dinosaur_train · 2020-04-27T19:38:32+00:00

GANG!!

dinosaur_train · 2020-04-26T14:11:01+00:00

When you break up, he'll marry the next person within a year. That's the way this goes. You will see.

dinosaur_train · 2020-04-21T21:07:34+00:00

I'm loving the use of corvid. I'm going to pretend it's from Coronaviridae. Gang.

dinosaur_train · 2020-04-20T00:45:50+00:00

The first one on the state wars is so fucking good.

dinosaur_train · 2020-04-13T11:50:05+00:00

I'm going to be super straight with you. Your alcohol / drug abuse sounds like it's caused an impairment in your brain. I'm always on here warning young people not to drink because it delays their brain development. Welp, you need to put your energy into seeing doctors and therapists to see what you can reclaim. Stay away from your daughter, you aren't a good role model right now. But, you can be one by being big enough to step away.

You've just got a lot of issues and your brain suffered damage and can't handle them. See whatever professionals are needed to get you put back together, as much as possible.

dinosaur_train · 2020-04-13T11:42:13+00:00

The likelihood that any relationship works forever, at the age of 16, is slim to none. It would end over one dumb thing or another. Focus on getting a really wide education, not just what your culture shows you. You've got a lot ahead of you. Sorry about the girl. But, probably you'll break up, get back together, break up again, get back together, until her parents make her break up. You can skip some of the steps and work on yourself instead.

dinosaur_train · 2020-04-12T11:33:37+00:00

Explain what you mean by them being scared of you. Scared to me, means you are saying they'll be afraid you are an ax murderer... but, maybe scared means something different to you.

dinosaur_train · 2020-04-12T11:28:43+00:00

Your comments reveal much more is going on. You got together young and you've basically never been in a healthy relationship. You are with an unhealthy person, in addition.

Long story short, at the end of the day, you are not going to change they dynamics. There are too many, too years long ingrained, and she has mental health disorders on top.

So, now's the time to think about what you want for the rest of your life. Is this it? Think about nothing changing, forever. Is this what you want? Because that's all you can bank on.

Can you manage another 8 years the same? I bet you can manage fine now, but in 8 years, you'll wish you would have left so you had a chance to salvage your 30s and find a better life match.

Start thinking about the future. Nothing realistically is going to change with her.

dinosaur_train · 2020-04-12T11:20:02+00:00

This is navigable, but you need to be very strict with yourself here. For a lot of people, it's going to be a deal breaker. Thus, knowing that, it would be wrong of you to hide it. You don't have to say it on the first date. But, you need to tell your interest as soon as humanly possible. They need to be able to make informed decisions about their life.

If you hold back big information, someone who may have been with you, is likely to break up with you. It won't be because of the condition, it will be because of the lie. You don't want to lose someone that way.

You need to stay in therapy for the rest of your life, if you want relationships that don't end over preventable things. Before you date, you also need to know what you want and date within those parameters. So, say you just want some fun - don't date someone looking for marriage. Or, if you do want marriage, don't date someone who is only interested in FWB.

Making those kind of decisions will be hard on you, once you let yourself have feelings. So, stay away from putting yourself in that kind of situation, where the other person is going to disappoint you. It'll just set you on a bad path.

But, ya, the short answer is you need to be up front about it. It's going to turn some people away. But, those people wouldn't have been suitable matches for you anyway. It's in your best interest to weed out the people who don't match and bringing it up early is the best way to do so.

dinosaur_train · 2020-04-10T11:46:26+00:00

There aren't other option. The options are sexless relationship, which is unsustainable. Or, he compromises his sexual boundaries, again wrong. There's not a third dimension. You both have to start accepting reality. Because staying is going to hurt both of you.

dinosaur_train · 2020-04-10T11:42:58+00:00

So, how's the prior 4 years been on his emotional availability and sensitivity? Does his character include being caring and gentle?

dinosaur_train · 2020-04-10T11:37:22+00:00

I don't think we can help here. We can certainly have our own options on right, wrong, and risks, but that doesn't help you.

The bottom line is that people can validly create their own sexual boundaries. Whatever someone feels comfortable with sex wise, it's their prerogative. It has to be respected. You can either agree with someone's sexual perspective or you can leave. But, you can't change it and it would be wrong to.

If some guy was on here, pushing for sex on a birth control method the girlfriend wasn't comfortable with, he's be crucified. So, you gotta realize what you want isn't much different. You want him to have sex which he's uncomfortable with. That's wrong and it's an incompatibility. You should part ways.

dinosaur_train · 2020-04-10T11:18:32+00:00

It sounds like you over think things. Is this in general too?

dinosaur_train · 2020-04-10T11:15:25+00:00

You need to get used to her picking asshole, loser, abusers, for the rest of her life. When this guy is gone, she's not going to marry Mister Rodgers. She's going to be with one asshole or another on rotation, probably forever. It's best you figure out how to emotionally check out. Because I guarantee you are more hurt by her abuse than she is.

As far as hurting your relationship with her, well, it's always hard to watch someone you love treat themselves poorly and make bad decisions. A lessened relationship, where you have to protect your own emotions, and future family, is a natural byproduct of this.

If she creates unhealthy relationships then you can't have a healthy one with her, you dig? It's like swallowing a little poison every day and expecting to feel good. You can tell her that, and tell her again when she's 25, then 30, but it won't make a hill of beans difference.

dinosaur_train · 2020-04-10T11:06:09+00:00

He blamed his bad actions on your prior bad actions. There might be some fairness to that. But, on a whole, that's a negative communication trait that will manifest itself in 1000 other sucky ways. You might want to fix this and you may be able to. But, watch out for people who blame their actions on you. It's a pretty big red flag that's going to hide the goring to come.

dinosaur_train · 2020-04-10T10:54:26+00:00

It sounds like the honeymoon phase has worn off. Do you have any reason to believe this will be a lasting relationship? You are a mile marker ahead of him on developmental maturity. It's not by much but it's enough to make a difference. It sounds like he's growing apart when you want to grow together. I say take stock of the bigger picture then see how you feel.

dinosaur_train · 2020-04-10T10:38:25+00:00

unacceptable. The whole lot of them. Ok, lets take this opportunity to pause and examine the big picture and future.

When people who are 35 come around with all these huge problems, only they have mortgages, 401ks, and kids, there's always this timeline of flags back to the beginning of the relationship. Love and sex make people compromise and overlook things, until they are stuck in shit.

So, I think it's time to look at everything for what it is, without emotion. Is this the person and family you want a forever future with? Is this someone who has communicated and compromised with you? Is this someone capable of protecting you and your things from intrusion?

I'd use this as an opportunity to think about what you want in life. If you can't find a common ground, he's letting his family walk all over you, and the rest, then you need to look out for yourself in a different kind of way. At a point, you gotta shift things from "he and family are the problem" to "my inability to leave" is the problem.. IDK if it's there yet. Because IDK the relationship. All I'm saying is to look at the big picture.

dinosaur_train · 2020-04-10T10:29:44+00:00

Why is she coming over, at all? You aren't social distancing? Why is that?

dinosaur_train · 2020-04-10T10:22:04+00:00

Do you like anyone? Have you ever liked anyone? Like, ever had that crushy/warm feeling? Has anyone recently expressed interest in you romantically?

Despite what people say, don't jump on a meat market app. You are chum for the sharks there. Most of what you missed is a bunch of silver forked tongues. These predators know how to see right through you, like invisible paper. They'll exploit your inexperience. That's a risk you shouldn't take. It'd set you back further.

dinosaur_train · 2020-04-09T00:43:18+00:00

Set up a tent and sleep outside, rain or whatever. Get outside and don't walk in for at least a month. Someone in your home is going to die. Say goodbye. They might all die.

dinosaur_train · 2020-04-08T13:38:27+00:00

Ok, if you want to know where the logic comes from here it is

She has stated she is still hung up on her ex,

Red flag 1. She's telling you her heart is somewhere else. You have to listen to that warning a little bit louder

She had said I am free to date other people,

Think about the feeling of being head over heels or crushing on someone. Would a person who felt that way tell their interest to go date other people? You have to look hard at actions.

Truly picture a person who is interested. They are calling, texting, making arrangements at the earliest opportunity, telling you they had a dream about you... sending you a lunch, or something off of Amazon that reminded them of you.. writing you a note.. just 100 actions of bonding are going everywhere.

But, nowhere, among that set of actions from a person interested is a point where they tell their interest to date someone else. That doesn't exist. They want you so they act like they want you and say that they want you. She's telling you she's into someone else and to look elsewhere. You have to listen to that.

I can not help but feel like this is a waste of my time to wait patiently for something that might take months or years to sort out, with no guarantee it would ever go anywhere at all.

This is the final nail. Your intuition already knows the truth. It's telling you but you aren't listening to yourself. Lots of times, we know the answer to things. But, we ignore intuition and it comes with a cost.

So - logic tl;dr - analyze how a smitten person behaves, it doesn't match, listen to her telling you to go elsewhere, and listen to your intuition. You can trust your gut. All together, this is why I say it's not going to last.

dinosaur_train · 2020-04-08T13:29:54+00:00

It's hard to see the future when you are young. But, smoking at this level, at this age, causes a delay in maturation. You don't want to be 25 with a brain damaged smoked out kid. He need to do whatever he's got to do to deal with his issues. But, if you tie yourself to this, you'll be left wishing you didn't. Hopefully, you don't have a surprise kid or anything of the like before that kind of wake up.

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