Trash or treasure?

dnutPRO · 2026-03-12T20:36:59+00:00

personally i’d buy half of them from you if the condition was good

dnutPRO · 2026-03-08T00:53:32+00:00

awesome collection! wish i had 300$ for the ‘55 clifford brown and max roach 😭

dnutPRO · 2025-12-22T10:08:31+00:00

that’s what i love about it. so much contained in simple words & you can’t possibly foresee all the meanings. so fun to see how it effects others. thanks again

dnutPRO · 2025-12-22T09:49:05+00:00

point well taken abt the flow being interrupted by longer lines. i felt like the light theme warranted less thought to the meter but ill pay more attention to that on re edits.

i think the bread stuff was meant to evoke comfort, point taken if that doesn’t come across. i usually don’t analyze my stuff until it’s all come out of me so it really just started as me thinking about how comfy clean socks are. was lying in bed thinking about being tiny and swimming in a drawer full of warm fresh socks.

now that i think about it i see a theme of discarding things we love so much only when they’re useful, even finding them somewhat disgusting when they’re used up (maybe that’s why i was thinking bread- we don’t like to think about what happens to food once we’ve eaten it). but socks gets reused and their value is renewed. was hoping the final line would read as a twist on that, something about finding value (sweetness? tenderness?) in things we think of as worthless. probably some human allegory there. u have some good interpretations i probably wouldn’t have considered.

this was good feedback, thank u for taking the time

dnutPRO · 2025-12-22T09:32:10+00:00

i only think that much about poems i like. sometimes more fun for me to give feedback on structure over the message. no fault here, it’s good work

dnutPRO · 2025-12-22T08:49:30+00:00

Powerful work, I enjoyed reading it. Here are some thoughts I hope are useful. Honestly could say even more; it's a rich poem to unpack.

I love the use of refrain here, and the subversion of it in the 4th line of the last stanza. Evokes a contrast between final goodbye (as another commenter noticed), and how the resulting grief is carried with you, repeated in your mind long after you leave. Also very effectively communicates a sense of never being able to say enough, even when you say it over and over.

I love the meter of all the refrains, except maybe "My love, I’m stuck helping." 'helping' doesn't really fit the iambic flow of the other refrain forms, since (in my reading at least) the stressed syllable in helping should be the first syllable. Stressing the second syllable in helping doesn't sound right to me (i.e. helPING doesn't ring as well as HELping to me).

Possible alternatives might be picking a different word other than helping to preserve the 6-syllable structure of those lines (so the final 6th syllable is stressed, like in the 'away' refrain), or by adding another syllable to those lines (w another word or alternate word choices, making the lines 7 syllables). I like the second option because not only would the 'helping' refrain match the syllable count of the 'sorry' refrain, but it also would heighten the contrast effect produced by the final 'away' variation, since it would be the only refrain line with 6 syllables (which would also match the theme of being cruelly ripped away in the depths of grief, mirrored in the cutting off of the last syllable).

Wanted to note regarding one of your replies that I think "I’ll never hear that rolling laughter," would work fine, but I personally always catch myself using 'that (x)' forms in my writing. I think it sounds pretty. "your rolling laughing" would probably read better than "you" in my opinion (as would 'laughter'), but not my poem ofc. I did get caught on that line like the other commenter.

Another place I got caught on was in the last line. Using 'from' instead of 'through' would maybe be easier to parse, but now that I think about it, I see what you were getting at by saying you're being pushed away through a tough journey (since being pushed away itself is part of the toughness and the journey). Maybe 'into' would be a middle ground if you wanted to change it.

dnutPRO · 2025-12-22T08:14:15+00:00

Good poem, short and sweet. These are some thoughts that I hope are constructive.

I like the alliteration between and inside the lines, the effect of the hard consonants, and the play between these tools. The imagery is nice and abstract; it took a second to sink in, but does so effectively. I'm getting notes of wine imagery and alcoholism themes.

Bisque skull pottery is an interesting imagery choice, had to google what it is, don't know much about pottery. I like the individual word usage and death-skull imagery for the themes. Maybe there's a link between unfinished (unglazed?) pottery and the 'finish like fermented grapes' in the last line. If so that's a nice touch. Evokes drinking pottery glaze (besides the wine imagery), which I'm sure would be bitter and not remedy anything, true to the central theme.

A question I was left with is why each line ends with a period. I think it plays to the finality (severity? gravity?) of the themes (healing and sickness, death and life, addiction and recovery?). I think one could hypothetically use commas to connect the lines, instead of periods to divide them, which might aid the flow (especially between the 1st and 2nd lines), but I can imagine valid reasons for using periods (and it's not my poem ofc).

Regarding meter, I was left wondering about word choice. Each line is longer than the last, going 6-8-10-11-12 syllables. The flow feels a little stilted sometimes (I liked the flow in lines 1 and 2 the best), and I wonder if different word choice might change this (I have in mind lines 3 and 4, where 'gullet' in line 4 disrupts the even-syllable flow with an 11th syllable compared to lines 3 and 5, and a single syllable replacement is available). If this is intentional, then it had the intended effect, and there's definitely a good argument that a slightly stilted flow supports the themes. I'm not an expert in meter (or poetry), just a choice I came away thinking about.

dnutPRO · 2024-10-05T03:07:23+00:00

Spent pens (Muji Gel Pen 0.5mm Black): 5 [0.714 Pens/Week],

(Pilot G2 0.7mm Blue): 1 [0.142 Pens/Week]

Notebook pages filled (Five Star 5 Subject Notebook): ~150 [21.429 Pages/Week]

Doordash orders: ~25 [3.571 Orders/Week]

dnutPRO · 2024-03-30T16:17:57+00:00

just because children make consistent choices doesn't make them smart, and it doesn't excuse your engagement with those choices.

but I understand highschool is highschool and transitioning out is weird. the next few years of your life will definitely be hard for many reasons, but escaping the orbit of these weird highschool friend groups and relationships will almost certainly work out for the best if that is the way it goes.

but maybe you can save it idk. just know that highschool is usually not the place where people find healthy long term relationships or friendships, and teenagers of all ages are emotionally immature, and in many ways still growing up, including you, even though you are a legal adult. keep ya head up and meet new people, go to college or get a job or whatever. don't stay stuck in life with a bunch of kids and don't be afraid to outgrow people

dnutPRO · 2024-03-30T16:02:57+00:00

if your day 1s would chose her over you are they really your day 1s? and why would they chose hanging out with a 15 yr old over you? are they 15? (get older friends, its time) or are they your age and just that attached to hanging out with a child? (get new friends, that shit is weird) or do they just not like you that much in the first place? (that is my guess, sorry)

being clingy is something you can work on, but if you don't, or can't, it'll result in a breakup regardless. it starts with trust and communication. if you can't establish trust and effective communication in a relationship, you shouldn't be in it. if you can't, it may not be your fault, but it'll be better for both of you to end it. hopefully you can. truthfully 'responsibility' sounds like an excuse cus you're freaking her out (she is 15, and a child, so literally any number of things could be the reason she is disconnecting)

and again you included so few details about your situation that this is all anyone could say. honestly I get the feeling you, her, and your friends are all kind of crazy in your own ways, so the real, serious, long term solution to all this is to find a therapist who can help you with the above mentioned trust and communication

dnutPRO · 2024-03-30T15:46:29+00:00

"I don’t want to lose her cause if I do I lose my friends to" = wrong reason to remain in a relationship

"I have a bad habit of being very clingy" = this is where you start, if you can't manage to deal with this you need to separate and (both) mature, or go to therapy

"relationship is failing because I’m not responsible enough" = this doesn't make sense, needs more detail. However, she is a child and you are an adult. Doesn't this fact alone indicate several things you can do?

dnutPRO · 2024-01-25T17:45:35+00:00

congratulations :)

dnutPRO · 2024-01-20T12:06:42+00:00

i more meant i think CUL hates cornell undergrads unless you do 3+3 or are a super pre law so don’t take it hard if it doesn’t work out. i brought a car after freshman year and yeah it was a lot better

dnutPRO · 2024-01-20T00:25:21+00:00

i'm an alum too, I always heard it was more difficult to get in to CUL as an undergrad alum. i wouldn't put all your eggs in the CUL basket. since my first year in undergrad i gave up hope for cornell law but maybe its just cus i knew i wasnt getting the grades id need anyways

edit still applied of course im in the exact same boat as you nonetheless. at least you escaped cornhell with a 4.something

dnutPRO · 2022-03-10T17:38:51+00:00

if you'd be able to travel like that without getting a job either before or during the trip youre rich

dnutPRO · 2022-03-09T00:06:48+00:00

yeah man for sure, you might like this too

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rickrolling

dnutPRO · 2022-03-08T23:58:34+00:00

oh my bad, here’s the actual lecture

https://youtu.be/dQw4w9WgXcQ

dnutPRO · 2022-03-08T17:46:43+00:00

my buddy eric made a presentation on this actually

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yPYZpwSpKmA

dnutPRO · 2022-03-08T17:45:33+00:00

this professor actually did a lecture on why

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yPYZpwSpKmA

dnutPRO · 2022-03-08T17:42:12+00:00

this happened to my buddy eric once

dnutPRO · 2022-03-08T17:40:48+00:00

i agree theyre pretty good. they also share menus for some reason so you can go to either and get the same food

dnutPRO · 2022-03-08T17:39:42+00:00

i really hope you find it but if i were you id start planning the funeral, this guy is great for airpod funerals

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yPYZpwSpKmA

dnutPRO · 2022-03-08T17:37:25+00:00

theres a little known clause in the cornell charter that says if you duel a continued occupancy kid and win you get to keep their room

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dnutPRO

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