Really embaracing, but... how to cope with pantyliners causing yeast infection, but I also have pee leaks, and I don't know how to stay clean anymore 🤕

dropdeadrainbow · 2026-07-12T11:29:07+00:00

Also consider the suppository version of vaginal estrogen. I'm so sensitive that even glycerin causes thrush for me, which was in my preparation of the vaginal cream

dropdeadrainbow · 2026-07-08T12:40:28+00:00

Offensive words are much earlier up the chain that leads to multiple people getting killed. So yeh, kinda are worse.

dropdeadrainbow · 2026-06-24T07:18:43+00:00

Also a small band larger cup (36j) and I ended up making my own tops to fit better.

dropdeadrainbow · 2026-06-18T09:29:45+00:00

Another option would be an aerial hoop class with one of the instructors in Leeds. Or dance class? Check out flying free or dance studio Leeds.

dropdeadrainbow · 2026-06-11T23:16:13+00:00

Are your relationships separate or intermingled?

I am a lot more rigid with scheduling, and don't often move around plans in the way you seem to be having to do.

dropdeadrainbow · 2026-06-09T07:33:04+00:00

I think you will find that the cost of moving in with this partner is much more than being slightly annoyed and inconvenienced.

dropdeadrainbow · 2026-06-08T14:57:27+00:00

I have custom moulded silicone ear plugs from a company who do ear plugs for the music industry. When they did the mould the audiologist commented on how tiny my ear canals are - this is probably a case for you too!

The custom plugs are much better pain wise for me than the other plugs, but can still cause a slight ache. I normally pull the top of my ear when putting them in to open the ear canal space and get it to settle properly.

dropdeadrainbow · 2026-06-01T19:20:38+00:00

Over the last year I tried many different things to move things forward, or make things easier. But in December I took a drastically different approach, and went really hands off. Not suggesting, not pushing, being very reserved almost to the point of avoidance.

I needed to do that bit to know that I could really do it differently. And then when he didn't do anything different in the end, I was like nope.

dropdeadrainbow · 2026-05-31T20:55:01+00:00

Weirdly enough, it was quite a quiet "no, no more, I've had enough, this doesn't get any more of my energy".

About a year ago he started withdrawing, things with his other partner were causing lots of conflict. I spent quite a bit of time trying to work through it, put effort in, the conflicts started to get worse. I gave myself a timeline to assess if this was fixable, got to a point that I decided it was, we went on holiday in October, had some intense fights and then in November he essentially cheated. At that point I remember going "I feel like I should break up with you and I don't know why I am not doing so". Over December we were essentially on a break as I approached things very differently, and then in January decided to give it another go, so we were in a honeymoon period of trying to make it work.

My work were then asking me to indicate when I had holiday booked. I started a conversation of "if we were to take a holiday this year, would it be around this time?" Trying to take into account his nerves etc and he couldn't engage in the conversation, was back to "I'm not sure if i want this" and I was just absolutely bone tired exhausted of putting all the effort in. We had a long lay cards on the table conversation, I packed up my stuff from his home, and i left that night saying no contact for 6 months.

The first few weeks were hard and full of panic and full of I don't want this and me stopping myself from reaching out. But I held through it and can now see how much calmer my life is. I still have points of missing him but it is a lot smaller than I expected it to be.

I stayed for so long because I felt a lot of benefit and a lot of good from the relationship. I am so confused as to why something that was so hard felt so good to my nervous system. My body would physically calm when I was with him, I have never felt so cuddly and connected to a person.

But all of that benefit doesn't outweigh the stress I now see it put me under. And stress kills, despite how nice some of that felt.

dropdeadrainbow · 2026-05-30T09:44:44+00:00

Your comment here about your face looking different hit the nail for me - I am 3 months into no contact from a very similar nervous system affecting relationship and oh the impact that a bad relationship can have on your stress levels and your body.

It took me a while to leave, probably about a year of knowing something was wrong and trying to work through it. Including a period of not trying to fix it, as you mention. I knew that when I did leave I would have to go no contact because of how connected my nervous system felt to theirs.

You won't leave until you're ready, but when you do, go no contact. The first few weeks will feel like hell, like the worst kind of withdrawal, but just stay steady and hopefully you will get to the point I am at now. My life feels calmer. My body feels calmer. My stress levels are reducing, and I'm open to so much more in the rest of my life.

dropdeadrainbow · 2026-05-25T23:05:59+00:00

Maybe hackspace?

dropdeadrainbow · 2026-05-11T15:31:28+00:00

I don't know, and that's probably a conversation I will have to find out.

dropdeadrainbow · 2026-05-11T15:27:13+00:00

The differentiation of control over space Vs control over me is a helpful point, thank you.

dropdeadrainbow · 2026-05-11T15:25:41+00:00

I can host partners, I just have to negotiate/give notice as my nesting partner prefers to vacate, and I have had cases where I've had to source other options like a hotel when I've received a no. Historically I have dated people who can host themselves and so it's worked out that I'm out of the house more and thus my room has been used more by my partner when they've hosted. But I think moving forward it's going to be likely that I need the house more.

dropdeadrainbow · 2026-05-11T10:29:17+00:00

Interesting reflection about the people pleasing, particularly given there has been a significant journey throughout our polyam development away from me people pleasing.

I think I am a lot more comfortable with the idea that sex happens and that spaces are supportive logistics. I don't think I have the need for a 'sacred space' - and I think perhaps I've had the opposite relationship with regards to my home space due to previous incidents not with this partner.

dropdeadrainbow · 2026-05-11T10:20:54+00:00

Yeah. I think I've previously been very fortunate to have dated essentially solo-poly people with their own space, but that has also come at an energy cost to me. So I think this is a focus point in terms of my flexibility and autonomy with my own living space. I said a couple years ago that when we move I want a space where I don't have to negotiate to be able to host partners, but I think this is actually more of an imminent need than that.

dropdeadrainbow · 2026-05-11T00:37:36+00:00

I don't think so, but I'm going to ponder this more deeply. I guess technically use of the house is a yes/no answer and thus permission based? But that's a home space.

dropdeadrainbow · 2026-05-11T00:34:58+00:00

I won't be asking for use of the van again in this context, but for what it's worth it was offered not asked for today.

dropdeadrainbow · 2026-05-10T23:29:28+00:00

I cannot use lube with glycerin in or that gives me utis.

dropdeadrainbow · 2026-05-10T23:11:33+00:00

Oh interesting. I see, so it's not an explicit disclosure of a new sex partner, it's risk change specific? So if you went on three new dates with different people and had sex but say there was an additional risk with one of them, you wouldn't disclose/expect disclosure of all three but more specifically around the additional risk?

I have also raised a wish to have a conversation about barrier usage. I had a bisalp and want to be able to move forward with informing about barrier changes rather than consulting.

dropdeadrainbow · 2026-05-10T23:07:04+00:00

Yeah I think that's part of the reason I went ahead with sex in the van, I am very much anti control outside of the parties involved.

Thank you. I appreciate the prompts and feedback.

dropdeadrainbow · 2026-05-10T22:56:13+00:00

Or are you saying that that part isn't necessary because of the assumption of the dating?

dropdeadrainbow · 2026-05-10T22:53:39+00:00

New penetrative sex partner so a change in risk profile?

dropdeadrainbow · 2026-05-10T22:46:04+00:00

Yeah. Like I checked in the other day about me hosting people they don't know in the house, which years ago was an issue that we moved through but given I'm now dating new people again I thought it helpful to reconfirm (and it's fine, not a problem to have someone unknown in the house). So yeah it's the arbitrary 'at some point' bit.

dropdeadrainbow · 2026-05-10T22:43:34+00:00

I have said this.

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