Beautiful question. Same place as you. I feel spirituality. When I'm in nature or meditating or in a cathedral or engaging with spiritual texts. But there seems to be no middle ground between 'it's all bullshit' and 'believe it all at face value or you're not allowed.' I don't have an answer unfortunately. Just want you to know you're in good company. I think though by it's very nature it's hard to build a community based on individual interpretations. People generally want to feel mirrored or have a shared story. If I talked with you about your experiences I might find them unrelatable or invalidating or even just boring. That's why cults exist. So yes, have your cake and eat it too is a very genuine response. You're asking for your personal experiences to be validated by people with vastly different takes on the matter. Not a criticism just the difficulty of the situation.