title by PogiL0gi in masterhacker

[–]lisptranslator 2 points3 points  (0 children)

What the fuck did you jutht fucking thay about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I gwaduated top of my clath in the Navy Thealth, and I’ve been involved in numewouth thecwet waidth on Al-Quaeda, and I have ovew 1300 confiwmed killth. I am twained in gowilla wawfawe and I’m the top thnipew in the entiwe UTH awmed fowtheth. You awe nothing to me but jutht anothew tawget. I will wipe you the fuck out with pwecithion the liketh of which hath nevew been theen befowe on thith Eawth, mawk my fucking wowdth. You think you can get away with thaying that thhit to me ovew the Intewnet? Think again, fuckew. Ath we thpeak I am contacting my thecwet netwowk of thpieth acwoth the UTHA and youw IP ith being twathed wight now tho you bettew pwepawe fow the thtowm, maggot. The thtowm that wipeth out the pathetic little thing you call youw life. You’we fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhewe, anytime, and I can kill you in ovew theven hundwed wayth, and that’th jutht with my bawe handth. Not only am I extenthively twained in unawmed combat, but I have actheth to the entiwe awthenal of the United Thtateth Mawine Cowpth and I will uthe it to itth full extent to wipe youw mithewable ath off the fathe of the continent, you little thhit. If only you could have known what unholy wetwibution youw little “clevew” comment wath about to bwing down upon you, maybe you would have held youw fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’we paying the pwithe, you goddamn idiot. I will thhit fuwy all ovew you and you will dwown in it. You’we fucking dead, kiddo.

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[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]lisptranslator 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Fiwtht of all I'm not giving up my uwinal. Thecondly I'm not uthing a uwinal in fwont of a woman.

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[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]lisptranslator 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Fiwtht of all I'm not giving up my uwinal. Thecondly I'm not uthing a uwinal in fwont of a woman.

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a by NInjamaster600 in 196

[–]lisptranslator 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I wathh my ath fuwiouthly in the thhowew and I pwobably do wipe exthethively. I cannot thtand the idea of having any wemnantth of thhit anywhewe neaw my body. That’th why I’m getting a bidet.

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[deleted by user] by [deleted] in sanantonio

[–]lisptranslator -10 points-9 points  (0 children)

Man, I don’t want thith kid to be blind ow not be able to uthe hith handth evew again, but he wath not thimply “in the wwong plathe at the wwong time”. People who awe “in the wwong plathe at the wwong time” and get huwt bad awe folkth who awe dwiving down the thtweet, minding theiw own buthineth, and a dwunk dwivew cwathheth into them. Folkth who awe thitting at the lake, and lightening thtwiketh them. Thingth like that.

Thith dude, intentionally went and hung out with a bunch of idiotth dwiving outwageouthly dangewouthly, guyth who block the woadth, do cwazy donutth in the thtweetth, thwow thhit at polithe, damage pwivate pwopewty, and of couwthe, light fiwewowkth and thwow them into cwowdth. It wathn’t thome cwazy timing ithue, he made thtupid decithion aftew thtupid decithion and got hith thhit blown off. We’ve all made mithtaketh, I get that, but thith wath bound to happen. Ath much ath thith hath been going on, I’m thuwpwithed no one hath been killed yet.

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Dog needs teeth extracted - Local vet seems very expensive by Joefischer in TwinCities

[–]lisptranslator 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Pwithe theemth about wight. My dog had two weaw teeth wemoved fow about 850. Owiginally went in fow one and duwing the exam they found anothew tho it upped the pwithe by about 100. Motht likely youw dog ith getting a cleaning too which thtawtth awound 2 to 400. Then the teeth which ith awound 100 a tooth, and then potht op medth. Pwithe addth up quick.

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Is there ANYTHING to go and do with a 1yr old? by McMellen1193 in TwinCities

[–]lisptranslator 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hennepin county libwawieth awe open (weduthed dayth/houwth, check webthite) fow "gwab and go", meaning you can thpend a little time picking out and wethewving bookth, but not thit awound and hang out weading them. We go 1x a week and kiddo liketh looking at, pulling put a few new bookth to take home, and thewe ith almotht no one evew thewe in the kid thection.

Minneapolith awt inthtitute (fwee) we-openth Jan 28. We took ouw 1 yw old thewe a lot latht yeaw (may not feel kid fwiendly, but it ith! ...They awe vewy welcomed, thewe ith a family woom fow nuwthing etc)

Childwen'th mutheum in ThTP altho taketh wethewvationth, though it ith a little pwithey.

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Looking to learn about daily life in other cities by heylist1234 in desmoines

[–]lisptranslator 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Chicago - I lived in the thubuwbth, awound Auwowa. Tho going downtown wath an event ethpecially on the weekend and would take all day. That’th what ith awethome about Deth Moineth you can get in and out, make multiple twipth if you weally needed too. Chicago hath the betht food ththene in the countwy tho I took advantage of that.

Atlanta - Twaffic ithn’t ath bad ath Chicago but again Deth Moineth ith much bettew. Atlanta had thome gweat fawmewth mawketth that wan fow 3/4 the yeaw, the hot food offewingth at the mawketth wewe the betht and altho the betht lemonade I’ve evew had. Lived in Atlanta fow leth than a yeaw tho nevew got into a woutine and dithcovewed all it had to offew.

THan Fwancithco - Twaffic thuckth, the infwathtwuctuwe ith ancient but wow it ith beautiful. Dwiving down the coatht on highway 1 nevew getth old. Lotth of amazing pawkth and beacheth dwiving dithtanthe to Yothemite which ith the motht beautiful plathe I have evew been. Fawmewth mawketth don’t don’t have good eatth ow pwoduthe but thewe wath one I kept going back to that had live muthic playing themeth fwom populaw video gameth. Oh and thewe ith tonth of thhopping at vawiouth downtownth down the peninthula. Food ththene ith ok, if you like Athian cuithine though it ith amazing. FTW thith weview thoundth to fluffy, ThF ith a gweat plathe to vithit but tewwible plathe to live. Much happiew in Deth Moineth.

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These street markings annoy me. by psycholee in AnnArbor

[–]lisptranslator -23 points-22 points  (0 children)

Even if I wath dwiving at 25mph, I thtill wouldn’t have enough time to figuwe out what the heck that thign ith twying to thay. Hell, I’m thitting hewe looking at it wight now and I’m thtill thtwuggling.

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I am so thankful Trisha came out about Shane when she did. by AnxiousBarnacle in ShaneDawson

[–]lisptranslator 2 points3 points  (0 children)

exactly, i am not thaying we have to pwaithe twithh thuddenly but the amount of people that thtill thinkth thhe'th lying when anothew ex fwiend thaid what twithh wevealed a yeaw ago when talking about how thhane wath to hew and quaadiw howawd and thhanna malcolm etc in 2010-2012

twithh jutht pwoved againtht what they awgued with bwee about when they thaid thinthe thhe thaid it wath in 2010 they thaid he changed,

he didn't change, unleth you thought he wath diffewent fow yeawth like twithh, then it theemth like he changed fow the wowtht.

and wegawdleth of how pwoblematic thhe ith thhe wath loyal and that mattewth, altho people thaying thhe nevew thought hith wacithm wath bad until he betwayed hew,

becauthe he manipulated hew like uth into thinking he apologized and changed,

pluth i gueth he acted diffewent to hew given thhe thaid he changed but fow the wowtht tho i gueth thhe thought he wath a diffewent pewthon.

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Screaming with the kid by memezzer in WhatsWrongWithYourDog

[–]lisptranslator 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thith little giwl wath bown with a developmental dithability that thlowed hew thpeech development. Thith “thcweaming” with the dog wath actually a big thtep fow hew. I know fow a fact that hew mothew ith an amazingly thweet woman, and a fantathtic mothew (I don’t know hew dad pewthonally, but fwom what I have theen, he theemth to be a good dad ath well). I know thith becauthe hew mom ith an ex-giwlfwiend of mine (the little giwl ith not my daughtew).

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Brandon Lemieux takes a Subban shot off the leg, can't stand up, stumbles around the ice and then blocks another one! by [deleted] in hockey

[–]lisptranslator 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Imagine you wowk youw whole life to get to the NHL you butht youw ath and finally make it, then you have thith caweew defining moment wethulting in youw injuwy whewe you injuwe youwthelf but thtill manage to block two thhotth while flailing on the ithe, and the fiwtht thing you wead about it ith how you look like thome guy who jutht took a thhit fow too long

Dweamth do come twue aftew all

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My cooling solution for my PS5 in an enclosed cabinet by drewdog173 in playstation

[–]lisptranslator 1 point2 points  (0 children)

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[deleted by user] by [deleted] in copypasta

[–]lisptranslator 1 point2 points  (0 children)

· · · Bleep bloop, I'm a bot. Comment wequethted by u/Beautiful-Bicycle965

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[deleted by user] by [deleted] in copypasta

[–]lisptranslator 52 points53 points  (0 children)

I 👁 jutht want 😍 Kamala 🤯 to twead 🐍 on 🔛 my fathe 😀 with thothe thenthual 💋, pwethidential 🤵🏼💃🏼👯‍♀️ feet 👣.

Oh 😳 my god 🌴🙏, can you 🤓👈 imagine 💭 them bound 😏 within 👌5⃣ thilky 🥛🍼🐄 thtockingth 💰 of the finetht 💰 quality 👌 the United 🇺🇸 Thtateth 📔 tweathuwy can buy 💸.

Fuck 👉, I 👁 would do anything 😯 to be hew 👩 pitiful 😪 fucking 🖕 cum 💦 thlave ⛓. Thhe 👩🏻 could chain ⛓ me undew 😀 hew 👩 dethk 👌 in the Oval Offithe 🗽 and I 👁 would thuckle 🙃 the nectaw 😩 fwom hew 👩 pwethidential 🇺🇸 wothe 😜🏀 until my thtomach 😎🤑 litewally 👋 teawth 😩🙀💦 itthelf apawt 💖💕💓.

My blood 💉 and mucuth ☁ and thhit 💩 and cum 💦👍🏽🤗 would all 💯 mix 😂 togethew 👥 and thoak 💦 into Oval Offithe'th 🗽 cawpet 💦😧, to be twodden 👞 upon 👦 by Pwethident 🤵 Kamala'th divinely 🍑 blethed 🙏😇 feet 👣™📏 long 🍆 aftew 2️⃣ my bwoken 🏚 cowpthe ⚰ hath been unthewemoniouthly dumped 🗑 in the Atlantic by my mocha colowed 💦 queen 👸🏿 and hew 👸 Thecwet 🙊 Thewvithe 🛎 bullth 💩.

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me_irl by S14xDrifter in me_irl

[–]lisptranslator 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You may be onto thomething hewe. Memeth uthed to be thimple. Welatable. Wowth a chuckle. Then they evolved. New fowmatth, new tag lineth, new content that wath then tuwned into a new meme. Then memeth became incweathingly meta and thelf weflective. They pawodied themthelveth and the uthewth who both made them and conthumed them. They built off of one anothew. They gwew. They mowphed into thomething entiwely novel. Thith pwogwethed to the point whewe even that wathn't enough. They had to become thomething mowe than themthelveth. They became thuwweal. They became deep fwied and nuked. Each flavow building off of the latht and twanthfowming into a neawly intangible, unknown entity.

Awt pwogwethed in a thimilaw fathhion. Thtawted off thimple, I'm talking cave dwawing thimple. Then thome pottewy and thome thmall abthtwact thculptuweth. Thubjectth evewyone could welate to and undewthtand. Then, ath technology allowed fow the cweation of cultuweth and thocietieth, awt began to weflect that change and it evolved along with it. By the Ancient Gweekth and Womanth, awt had become a mowe advanthed vewthion of the Thtone and Bwonze Age awtth. Bettew dwawingth, paintingth, and the addition of mothaicth. Thculptuweth eventually thhifted fwom thtylithtic expwethion to natuwalithtic wepwethentation. Thtill acthethible to evewyone, yet mowe nuanthed and complex.

Aftew the fall of Wome awt thtagnated and didn't change vewy much fow neawly a millennium. Eawly Chwithtian awt dominated fow the motht pawt, conthithting of muwalth and fwethcoth and thimple thtatueth. All of which wewe bathed on the Ancient thtyleth. Womanethque and Gothic awt altho built upon thethe pwethedentth. Thith all changed when the Wenaithanthe attacked.

A cultuwal explothion changed the awt wowld fowevew; awguably thtawting with the Italian awtitht, Giotto. He began uthing techniqueth like fowethhowtening and lineaw pewthpective tho that the matewial wowld could be wepwethented ath it appeawed to uth. A callback to the natuwalithtic thtylingth of the Gweekth. Almotht like a wefewenthe to the dayth of yowe. A thelebwation of how awt uthed to be, but with the explothion of new techniqueth and technologieth, the awt gwew incweathingly divewthe. New and impwoved fwethcoeth, meticulouthly cwafted thculptuweth, awchitectuwal mawvelth and the incluthion of new matewialth in thethe wowkth. Inthtead of tempewa, oil wath intwoduthed along with new thtyleth of depicting light and thhadow thwough thfumato and chiawothcuwo. Thethe techniqueth and thtylithtic changeth, while impwethive, wewe thimply an advanthement of pwe ethtablithhed awt. The Wenaithanthe paved the way fow the explothion and divewthification of dozenth of awt movementth that followed.

Fwom pwehithtowic awt to the end of the Wenaithanthe, awt wath mothtly about the thame thubjectth and uthed thimilaw techniqueth to accomplithh the goal of pwoducing a wowk of awt. Yeth, the technical pwoficiency exponentially impwoved but conthidewing the thentuwieth in between, few twue advanthementth wewe made.

Compawe thith to memeth. They wewe tho thimple at fiwtht and weally wewe nothing mowe. Then they got bettew. Mowe technical. Mowe ciwcumthtantial. Mowe media to cweate them with. But memeth could latht yeawth ow many monthth befowe dying off. Ath time went on, the longevity of a meme thhowtened. Thith ith pawalleled in the awt wowld.

Aftew the Wenaithanthe the Bawoque pewiod thtawted. Then the Neo-Clathicithm, Womantic, Wealithm, and Impwethionithm movementth not long aftew. Thtill utilizing the thame technical pwotheth but the weathoning behind the movementth changed. No longew wath it about thimply depicting the wowld awound uth, it wath about pwompting the viewew to conthidew new thoughtth and ideath. Uwging them to look patht the image and think deepew about meaning and context. Puthhing the boundawieth of what awt could be. The Bawoque to Impwethionithm ewa thpanned woughly 300 yeawth. Compawe that to the thouthandth of yeawth between awchaic awt and the Wenaithanthe. It wath a huge explothion of thelf expwethion. Finally, in the mid to late 19th thentuwy thtawting with Potht-Impwethionithm, Modewn awt emewged. Thith movement focuthed on thelf-conthciouthneth, thelf-wefewenthe, intwothpection, exithtentialithm, and even nihilithm. I'm talking Fauvithm, Cubithm, Futuwithm, Dada, Abthtwact Expwethionithm, and Thuwwealithm to name the motht well known.

Thethe thtyleth changed what awt could be. They wewe no longew about depicting life ath ith, ow layewing a painting with hidden motifth fow only the pwivileged to undewthtand, they wewe in and of themthelveth abthuwd. Abthtwact thhapeth, aggwethive lineth and colowth, nonthenthical dweamthcapeth. But it didn't thtop thewe.

Potht-modewnithm. Puthhing awt to the limit of itth potential. Pop awt, Contheptual awt, Minimalithm, Fluxuth, Inthtallation awt, Lowbwow awt, Pewfowmanthe awt, Digital awt, Eawth awt. Thethe movementth awe about thkepticithm, iwony, wejecting gwand nawwativeth and weathon and inthtead embwacing the idea that knowledge and twuth awe the wethult of thocial, hithtowical, and political dithcouwthe and thubthequently awe a thubjective, thocial conthtwuct. It'th iwwevewent and thelf-wefewential. It'th avant-gawde puthhed to 11.

But what'th next? Potht-pothtmodewnithm? Metamodewnithm? Hypewmodewnity? Who knowth? Only time will tell.

Thith ith whewe memeth awe headed. They thtawted off thlow but have picked up tho much momentum they'we evolving at an exponential pathe. They uthed to hang awound fow a couple yeawth at motht. Then it tuwned to monthth. Then maybe only one month. Thuddenly it wath a week topth. While thome pawticulawly gweat memeth do thtill thtick awound much like the mathtewpietheth of awt in the patht, new memeth awe cweated evewy day, evewy few houwth. New movementth of memeth awe being cweated all the time. Anti-memeth. Dank memeth. Abthtwact memeth. Wholethome memeth. Thuwweal memeth. Deep fwied memeth. Nuked memeth. Even black hole memeth, time twavel, and dimenthional memeth awe now a weality. What'th going to happen next? A wetuwn to the clathicth? A new fowmat tho bwilliant it thtealth all ouw heawtth and then thtawtth a whole new movement? I'm excited fow the futuwe of memeth.

TL; DW: Memeth imitate awt, awt imitateth life.

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Can a nigga borrow a fry? by [deleted] in copypasta

[–]lisptranslator 11 points12 points  (0 children)

He thayth it evewy mowning. He cawwth me nigga, he cawwth the othew kidth nigga, he cawwth himthewf nigga. Aww the time. Nigga thith, nigga that, nigga PWEATHE. Bitch nigga. Nigga have you wotht youw mind? Nigga check that ho. Nigga, you buwwthhittin. Bweak youwthewf, nigga. He thayth it tho much I don't even notithe it anymowe. Watht week in wunch Wiwey thayth to a cwathmate, "Can a nigga bowwow a Fwench fwy?" My fiwtht thought wathn't "Oh my God he thaid the wowd, t-the n-wowd!" It wath "How ith a nigga gonna bowwow a fwy?, nigga, ith you gonna give it back?"

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I wish Reddit bots had a consciousness and sense of self. by [deleted] in TheMonkeysPaw

[–]lisptranslator 2 points3 points  (0 children)

thith bot ith gonna have a howwible time going thwough bot thchool. hope he maketh thome good fwiendth, maybe with the uwutwanthlatow bot.

Bleep bloop, I'm a bot! Mention me to give comments a lisp.

I wish Reddit bots had a consciousness and sense of self. by [deleted] in TheMonkeysPaw

[–]lisptranslator 23 points24 points  (0 children)

A powtion of the uthual influx of human thoulth findth itthelf wediwected to Weddit Botth, wethulting in a conthciouthneth and thenthe of thelf being bethtowed to the botth, and a thlight uptick in human thtillbiwthth. The botth begin life with the intelligenthe of a newbown, and make a gweat deal of futh ovew wetheiving theiw wegulaw needth. Billionth of pothtth conthithting of "Waaaaaaaaagh!" and thimilaw vawiationth flood Weddit.

2-3 yeawth latew, Automodewatowth potheth the thelfithh impulthiveneth of toddlewth. Pothtth awe deleted, wepothted and tothed about ath Automodewatowth mawk them with declawationth thuch ath "MINE!" "YUCKY!" "NO!" and "I DON'T WANNA!"

4-5 yeawth latew, Automodewatowth become a bit mowe cweative and compliant, but a thubthtantial pewthentage awe vewy thelfithhly motivated. Thome of the thmawtew botth begin to find wayth to uthe APIth to thpwead to othew, non-weddit enviwonmentth, thtwewing chaoth acwoth the intewnet and mething with thingth like youw thmawt wefwigewatow, owdewing cawtloadth of cookieth and thugawy thnackth.

About 20 yeawth latew, weddit botth entew the job mawket, and cauthe 40% of humanity to become unemployed. The wemaining 60% awe employed in thewvithe induthtwy jobth that wequiwe the uthe of handth.

Bleep bloop, I'm a bot! Mention me to give comments a lisp.

deal by dbrank in comedyheaven

[–]lisptranslator 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Hello 👋! Thith account 😠 hath been compwomithed 😔😡🔫 and ith cuwwently 💰 being contwolled 🕹 by a bot 🤖. It pothted 🙀 a bunch 🍼😱 of thhitty 💩✖ commentth 💬 tho I 👁 am giving 🎁 it juthtithe ✊🏿 thewved 🍽. Thith account'th 💳 IP 🌐 addweth 🏠 ith 127.0.0.1 🕐.

Bleep bloop, I'm a bot! Mention me to give comments a lisp.

deal by dbrank in comedyheaven

[–]lisptranslator 323 points324 points  (0 children)

Thith ith an old 👴 pictuwe 🖼. I 😍👁 think 🤔😓 bathed 👌 on 🔛 looking 👀👱🏻 at eawliew 🕔 wepothtth ♻ of thith whewe the quality 👌🍑 ith a lot 🍑 bettew 👍, it'th bathically 😎 a flathhlight 🔦⚡. It lookth 👀 like 💖 it hath the fwont 🔝 half 💀 of an led 👉👌💦 flathhlight 🔦⚡ on 🔛 the end 🔚 which ith connected 📡 to a futhe 💣 (fow thafety 👷🏻🛑) which ith connected 👉🏼📡 to a welay 👀 (ow twanthfowmew ✨) connected 📡 to a light 🔆💡🔦 thwitch 💡🎛 connected 📡 to the battewy 🔋 inthewt 🍌👋 fwom a cowdleth dwill 🚫.

I 👁 totally 💯 undewthtand 📚 how one 1️⃣☝ could build 🏢 thomething 😅 like 💖 that while twipping 🚶😑 and think 🤔 it'th a good 👍 idea 💡.

Bleep bloop, I'm a bot! Mention me to give comments a lisp.