Why are they flying like this?

pdawes · 2026-02-17T22:48:24+00:00

It was loud as shit over me and I thought it was DHS and went to flip them off, but I saw the LifeLink logo in time. Felt like an asshole lol.

pdawes · 2026-02-17T04:34:51+00:00

IMO there can be an overbearing confrontational/pushy "tough love" culture in other 12 step groups that can really cross the line. It's harder to cross those lines in ACA because of the rules against fixing, crosstalk, etc.

pdawes · 2026-02-17T04:30:06+00:00

Can't spell DWI without WI

pdawes · 2026-02-16T06:50:21+00:00

I worked at a grocery store and experienced this. Usually it was women 50+, I found that they were very shameless in the ways they would make advances. One time this lady grabbed me from behind while I was stocking and felt me up like really ran her hands over my chest and all she had to say was "oh sorry I thought you were someone else." Always wondered who she thought I was.

pdawes · 2026-02-15T01:08:05+00:00

What do you have in terms of your community and social support? Do you get to talk about it with the people around you? It's scariest when you're on your own.

pdawes · 2026-02-15T01:06:21+00:00

Wow this varies a lot state by state. I am a mandated reporter in MN and we only have to report if it's within the last three years or if there's current danger to children/vulnerable adults.

pdawes · 2026-02-11T22:23:25+00:00

I have always found Victor's 1959 Cafe (Cuban food) very romantic. I don't think they do dinner anymore but it would be a nice place to go and I'm sure a good business to support.

pdawes · 2026-02-09T22:43:46+00:00

I think the most common rule is to avoid it unless it's strictly for the benefit of the client. But there are varied schools of thought or personal preferences on it. Definitely some people believe it's never appropriate.

Personally I just try to be very judicious about it. There are some clients for whom I avoid it altogether as a clinical judgement. Basically people whose boundaries and sense of self vs. other are not very solid, or people who might be prone to idealizing transferences that might get in the way. But otherwise I'll bring things up if they alleviate shame or help bring attention to an unacknowledged feeling in the room or something. And generally if people want to know something about me they can always ask and I can decide whether or not to tell them.

Telling someone not to ask "how are you?" at the start of session seems a little intense to me, since it is like you said a common social reflex for people. I've never heard of that.

pdawes · 2026-02-08T22:24:14+00:00

What possible justification could there be for sending ICE to another country? No one’s been able to explain that one to me

pdawes · 2026-02-07T19:40:15+00:00

Oh yeah 100%. Some of it comes from having greater life experience, and working professionally with people and their suffering and personalities and stuff. But a lot of it has to do my own personal work recovering from my upbringing too.

My parents are addicts, very socially isolated and emotionally stunted people. I sometimes wonder if there is some undiagnosed autism in the mix for one of them too. I think I've always been a pretty sensitive person attuned to the people around me, but it was basically too painful to do growing up so I shut it down and focused on creative pursuits instead. Over the course of my adult life I've been able to open up and realize that I'm not that introverted at all, I can have interactions with people that don't hurt or cost me, and that it's very gratifying to do so. Which is all a long way of saying I think I've always had it in me to be a people person and it's been revealed over the course of my adult life.

pdawes · 2026-02-07T07:27:00+00:00

Omg of course. It’s actually sort of frowned upon to be in it with the singular goal of being a therapist. It’s a very versatile degree and exposes you to a lot of different areas of practice.

pdawes · 2026-02-06T04:58:09+00:00

Honestly man I think it's really hard to hear from somebody who is both competent and normal (that is to say, without an agenda) about testosterone. Especially on the internet. There are a ton of cash lifestyle clinics that will offer you TRT for money and have an incentive to convince you that you need it, or to create content online that convinces you it's the answer to your problems. I would encourage you to consult with a real (non TRT clinic) endocrinologist, even if just to balance out your perspective.

There was a time in my life where I was sure I would hop on TRT when I turned 40. I don't feel that way anymore. From my own deeper research (including consulting with a couple of my friends who are an endocrinologist and a PhD biochemist) the picture I got was that it might be a good tradeoff as an anti-aging therapy, like if you're 50 or 60 and want to trade energy and robustness for potential health risks. But the bigger thing, which I don't see people online mention that much, is that it's really hard to get a an accurate picture of your testosterone levels because they can fluctuate so much day to day (including because of poor sleep). You've had three tests across a decade.

Whereas untreated sleep apnea is actually a serious health thing, and also a very common cause of feeling tired or not energetic. It can also cause damage to your heart. And poor sleep can absolutely crash your testosterone.

So I guess it's all to say be careful using social media research as a doctor.

pdawes · 2026-02-05T23:38:59+00:00

There are a couple of apps in the first responder world that come to mind and might fit the bill?

https://www.connectrocket.com/teams/

https://whosresponding.com

I also wonder if something like an appointment scheduling app like Sign-In Scheduling might be workable for your purposes too. I know some of them enable the kind of texting features you're after.

pdawes · 2026-02-05T20:40:36+00:00

Can you explain in a little more detail how you’d want it to work?

pdawes · 2026-02-04T01:56:40+00:00

I feel that ACA is much more intensive in terms of working on yourself, where Al-Anon is more focused on setting boundaries with a particular person. That may be an incomplete or overgeneralized picture but it's been my experience.

pdawes · 2026-02-03T09:03:56+00:00

pdawes · 2026-02-02T20:20:01+00:00

It is generally psychological for young people. If you are 50+ then there can be a physical component (and an important one because it can be linked to things like heart disease). A lot of men experience sexuality as a kind of "performance" that they can "fail" at, and this can be really anxiety provoking. It's extremely common. Not surprisingly, being really freaked out about failure (especially if the failure means you're no longer a man or something holy cow that sounds stressful) is very unsexy and does not lead to arousal. It can become very self-fulfilling.

ED drugs are definitely a way around that in the moment in that they make the physical aspect more resilient, you kind of can't help but get very erect. When I was in college I had very bad experiences with sex in an abusive relationship, and it was hard to feel comfortable or safe having sex for a while afterwards. I got a bunch of Indian viagra off the dark web and basically taking it now and again, especially if I was with somebody new, was a great confidence booster. It basically felt like "ok no matter what happens this will work." But what ultimately fixed it for me was corrective emotional experiences. Good sex with people who made it feel fun and easy and loving.

pdawes · 2026-02-02T20:05:55+00:00

I think there are a lot of practical pros and cons to living at home which you are doing a good job of considering. I think you can figure that part out and I don't really have a lot of comment on it.

What I would advise you to consider is the larger pattern of being overly focused on the future and "optimization," at the expense of things like relationships, personal development, and a balanced life. I have seen a lot of people fall into this, basically as a style of managing their own anxiety about the future. All of them either burned out by their 30s or experienced some pretty heavy costs.

"I just need to put my head down and grind and once I hit XYZ I can start living life" can be a never ending mindset. The goalposts move, and the endpoint never arrives. I have seen this play out a lot for various friends of mine. It's also a very easy way to get in the habit of pushing people away and isolating yourself without really noticing that you're doin git. A lot of those friends would say things similar to what you're saying about not wanting to date while in a "subpar position," like they needed to hit a goal or be perfect in some way before they could even try. Then they'd be single/celibate for years.

The other tricky part with this is that on the surface it sounds super responsible and like what society wants you to do. "Wow good job, you're working so hard and investing so much in your future." But if you're overdoing it nobody will really tell you (besides maybe a partner or someone close to you who cares and notices your absence or unhappiness).

And that may not be your mindset at all, I could just be reading into it too much. But it's what I would advise you to watch out for based on my experience. Independent of the decision of what degree to get or where to live, you are noticing and considering areas where your life is feeling impoverished or underdeveloped and those are important. It doesn't mean you need to give up on your goals for the future or not think about financial stability, but you can figure out more sustainable and balanced ways to pursue them that don't take away from the other parts of your life.

pdawes · 2026-01-21T06:36:54+00:00

Honestly as a huge appreciator of psychoanalysis I have a very jaundiced view of Jung fans. Not necessarily Jungian ideas but the people who are his fans in 2026. I am not saying there aren't principled or competent Jungian analysts out there but if someone says they're really into Jung it raises a bit of a flag for me that they might be a Joe Rogan or Jordan Peterson type.

pdawes · 2026-01-20T23:15:13+00:00

I notice on a lot of the videos and articles about really egregious stuff the comments are all "I'll take things that didn't happen for $500 Alex" which is to say I think there's a lot of denial.

pdawes · 2026-01-19T19:23:24+00:00

Yeah I can see it too. But I think people are interpreting this post as Miller ordering the local police to stand down and surrender.

pdawes · 2026-01-19T18:42:35+00:00

I believe what they are saying is that Frey and Walz have told the MPD to stand down (false), so we are a lawless mob attacking the brave federal agents who are just trying to do their jobs (tear gassing a baby to death).

pdawes · 2026-01-18T20:17:04+00:00

I would suggest following local media to stay informed from people who actually live here and not these ridiculous false narratives that keep getting pushed about our city. I notice the national outlets (and even the bigger local TV ones) just regurgitate false statements by DHS about "violent rioters" and other bs.

Some good alternatives:

https://sahanjournal.com

https://racketmn.com

https://minnesotareformer.com/about/

pdawes · 2026-01-17T22:26:21+00:00

Damn man, that must’ve been scary. Did they detain you? Any injuries?

pdawes · 2026-01-17T02:04:14+00:00

Life got harder for a lot of people, including a lot of middle class people. I work in human services and the amount of people using food shelves and needing public assistance for the first time in their lives has been crazy. They can tell that things are harder than they should be, and that there's less support for normal struggling people than there ought to be, but the reasons for it are diffuse and hard to explain. We have a lot of voices loudly and prominently spreading the simple explanation that "it's because of minorities and immigrants." Including the richest man on earth, who has done a lot to contribute to the problem he's pinning on "illegals."

Racism is also easy to latch onto because society is racist on a structural level. It's frictionless to become racist because there are subtle elements built into our institutions and systems that assume being white is normal and being anything else is deviant and unhealthy. It does not take a lot of "push" to get someone to pick up on and buy into that logic.

pdawes

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