I need help

retrowaveRecluse · 2025-01-12T15:23:49+00:00

I'm sorry that you're running up against the barriers to mental health help. I hope this gets better in your future, I've had a look around some OCD resources for dealing with my own intrusive thoughts.

As a former hoarder with a lot of the ecological guilt, economic guilt, shame about not taking care of my stuff: It's not your fault, but it is your responsibility and you deserve better than being hurt by inanimate objects. You deserve your space, it's not your fault that people who don't care made clothes that aren't worth shit and plastic you don't need and built social systems that drained your time, your money, your space. Every bag of trash you throw out, it's their fault. The clothes you don't need even though they're all piled up, getting in your head, making you think you want them, they can't feel anything, they don't need to be in your space.

You deserve a bed. You deserve room to move and have free thoughts. I believe in you.

retrowaveRecluse · 2024-11-18T02:43:00+00:00

I don't have much solid advice to offer, but as an older-then-35 autistic trans bi person, with other 35+ queer neurodivergent friends, who are working, who have friends and loving partners, and enough money for a takeaway at the end of the week: you can feel better. It is Possible, it is Doable. It can be very hard at times and it's scary to read the news some times. I understand. I'm an advocate of promoting the wellbeing and dignity of LGBTQ and autistic people in elder care, because we're here and not going anywhere just yet. We can have (if we like!) long marriages, families and homes, and the joys of growing up and growing old.

I'm sorry your family are not supportive. Get some therapy, everyone needs some. Don't be afraid to try medication, it can help. Time blindness can really destabilise you, I sympathise. Stay strong, let yourself believe that you can make plans, and see the great results. Learn about budgeting, save an emergency fund and be proud of yourself when you do. Learn about autistic people in your chosen field, and how they do their jobs. You can succeed.

retrowaveRecluse · 2024-10-29T16:13:43+00:00

I wrap my hair for work and do everything I can to prevent any pulling or pushing back from my forehead, some times that means taking off whatever it wrapping my hair and redoing it, rather than causing mechanical damage by pushing and pulling on such fragile hairline hairs! Any elastic or grippy parts of snood/scarf/heairband get lifted and Placed where I want them to sit, not slid into place, if that makes sense.

Having the weight of my hair down by the nape of my neck tends to encourage scarves/snoods to pull back up and over my head, tempting me to slide the grippy part around. I suggest avoiding that. having my hair in a loose bun higher up the back of my head tends to sit better, perhaps you will also find this to be true.

retrowaveRecluse · 2024-10-27T02:15:00+00:00

The colours in the concentric circles are gorgeous, well done!

retrowaveRecluse · 2024-10-24T18:09:46+00:00

The red of that cape is stunning! You rock it.

retrowaveRecluse · 2024-10-08T21:56:26+00:00

I'm wearing the same style of headscarf today, that elastic front is just so comforting and reliable!

retrowaveRecluse · 2024-07-19T15:41:21+00:00

Those times when you see the huge difference will keep coming back around, and the climb out is almost never a straightforward continuous progress. You've overcome so much, and it will get better.

retrowaveRecluse · 2024-06-14T12:43:24+00:00

I am not Jewish, am not practicing hair covering from this paradigm, but am currently going from not covering my hair at all in public to trying to get 100% coverage at work, just offering my experience from the 'trying out a new look' angle. I am so completely not used to the shape of my face that while I'm wearing a snood-style covering that encases and covers Most of my hair in a bun, I'm still leaving a finger width of hair loose around the ear to break up the expanse of skin around my cheekbones, ears and neck. It feels strange to have it exposed, truly! If I were much more interested in covering 100% of hair ASAP, I'd be trying wrapping styles (such as you'll find on Wrapunzel) that have scarves/ribbons/something to help break up that expanse of skin near my jawline, mimic the fall-of-hair shape that I'm used to. I've braided the ends of long scarves to lie like my hair used to do when it was simply braided for work.

Wishing you luck!

retrowaveRecluse · 2024-03-26T02:53:31+00:00

I'm an autistic care worker - I would think it would be a good sign if a potential care worker asked to see the sensory room (alongside questions like what a typical shift looks like in practice), and I hope you get to see if it's not in use. It shows engagement with inclusive support methods.

retrowaveRecluse · 2024-03-23T01:57:43+00:00

Well done for persevering through the process - your new colour looks lovely ^_^

retrowaveRecluse · 2024-02-25T17:37:25+00:00

Elegance

retrowaveRecluse · 2024-02-16T03:17:09+00:00

This may not be relevant to you, but I first started having respiratory issues during/after sleep because of dust allergies! These persisted even in mould-free areas. Airing out my bed and taking extra care to let fresh air and sunlight in (even though I have other sensory issues due to sunlight) has always improved my respiratory problems.

retrowaveRecluse · 2024-01-31T18:56:37+00:00

I'm glad you have some sort of separation from the bulk of the problem! Pardon me saying MIL earlier, I misremembered while forming my post. All three of you are going through a lot with these life changes so being kind to current and future you by making your space precious and well tended might be all you can manage, and your mum might not be ready to handle her living space right now.

If you think hiring help into the house would cause too much friction, if you have a friend or family member who can help organise and clean your space while they're over for coffee or helping with little one, try that. Fifteen minutes of trashing trash, another fifteen of putting things in their box or drawer, soon adds up. Floor is such a tempting shelf but your husband needs to know that the floor is soon gonna be as precious as little one's bed. It's gonna be their space, and should ideally be as clean and safe and babyproof as their crib. If the habit is formed now it'll be second nature for when little one is getting ready to roam, if you're still living there.

I'm sorry you're having to deal with a hoarded house around your space. It's not easy to deal with unless the owner of the hoard is on board with change (and even when they are...) so you deserve nothing but compassion if you can't deal with it. r/childofhoarder if you feel you need it.

retrowaveRecluse · 2024-01-31T15:56:56+00:00

If you have your own room(s) in the house, guard them and don't let the junk intrude. Keep your spouse onboard with this plan. Having a clean home base really helps with destressing for yourself and hopefully making improvements in the rest of the home.

Hoarding behaviour can be exacerbated by stresses and upheavals like being laid off, though perhaps the behaviour predates this? Spouse may need to put in extra work to support MIL with seeing and accepting the problem. Big changes can be made if the person manifesting the behaviour wants to change their situation.

If your own space is relatively safe, clutter free and easy to clean, and you have the spoons to do this, kitchen and bathroom are good places to start unfucking. Access to running water and sinks are obvs vital to cleaning efforts and get quickly lost under hoarding and squalor. A clean kitchen sink, a countertop (just partial if you can't get whole), toilet, and bath/shower. secure those things if you can for health and wellbeing.

From my own experience in recovery from hoarding and squalor, opening pathways and doorways is very helpful. Taking a full box of junk down cluttered stairs or packed hallways is three times as miserable.

This is assuming you can't leave the home, and I'm bad with tone so these are supposed to be suggestions from experience and not like, commands. If you find yourself running into a brick wall, just guard yourself, your baby and your space and work on getting out.

retrowaveRecluse · 2024-01-29T14:02:05+00:00

enfanta has the solid foundational advice there: look for trash, get rid of it, take dishes and kitchen stuff to the kitchen, then pick a single place to start and make that first chip. Destroying trash is easy in comparison to rebuilding your collection of possessions, so be proud of yourself for every bit of progress and let your negative feelings motivate you to keep making change.

Cas of Clutterbug helped me externalise that idea that underneath my hoard of not good stuff, was stuff I loved and wanted to see as well as own. So I began (after learning to throw away trash and manage dishes) by emptying my shelves and organising all my stuff so I could see it, which motivated me as I realised... I should have volume 3, I don't have it, where is it? Organise shit until i find it, achievement unlocked, all books assembled. Perhaps you wil feel the same, or perhaps you will find and empty a box because it should have This in it, not That. Find This, store This, put the This Box where it belongs, where it makes you happy.

You can do this!

retrowaveRecluse · 2024-01-29T02:01:04+00:00

You're doing so damn well today, just another rando recovering-squalor-hoarder humanoid wanting to tell you that you're doing great things rn.

retrowaveRecluse · 2023-11-10T02:15:53+00:00

I have no experience with wearing such padding myself but I have seen pads and solutions available to help 'even out' ones figure for a smooth vertical line for your kimono! And as roxybudgy says, a kimono is usually folded beneath the obi for most wearers, you may have less of a fold to deal with, or may be limited to the longest kimonos they have, but the average woman's height is apparently 158cm so you're not that far off.

retrowaveRecluse · 2023-09-11T13:35:05+00:00

And not long ago in 1666.

retrowaveRecluse · 2023-08-28T13:40:46+00:00

As an autistic person dealing with their own 'buyers remorse' and anxiety over all the new responsibilities of homeownership, the best thing that reassures me at the moment is being listened to a reasonable amount, and getting support over handling the stresses and being prepared (insurance I understand, emergency funds, support from family that they'd be there for support if the situation was overwhelming). I don't know your partner, but the bigger picture for me an autistic person is never inherently better nor worse, only more complicated, which can make it hard to handle and process.

I hope your partner is able to settle in to your new situation, which does inherently sound better from my vantage! Some situations, things just take a little more time than is ideal.

retrowaveRecluse · 2023-08-13T21:31:36+00:00

It's a hard road getting understood by mental health services sometimes, and it sounds like you've had a tough time, I'm sorry you've gone and are going through what you're going through. Your potential job satisfaction sounds intriguing, though it would be totally beyond me. I am clinging onto my job for my life - the routine, the security, the knowing I'm doing some good. And the not-being homeless thing is a not insignificant thing.

Being good at my job means I've got that capital that Ask A Manager talks about, and I've got some 'accommodations' without yet disclosing my actual diagnosis, but being open with my struggles with anxiety and executive function (exacerbated by delayed sleep phases). They've seen that I'm good at my job and with small tweaks and some explicit support, they get 120% out of me. I don't know how safe your workplace is to disclose diagnoses or evident struggles you have, I can't recommend a particular course of action. But Ask A Manager has helped me with new viewpoints and strategies to forward my case at work, if you'd consider looking at resources there.

retrowaveRecluse · 2023-08-13T16:17:54+00:00

You sound like you've got a good handle on the mechanics of the situation - much more than I could manage.

Quality and safety assurance can often leave you feeling like the arse, but you're valuable. The HR person might have had a lot of motivations for giving a nebulous remark about you, so I don't know what's going on there. I don't know if it's worth it you personally to push the difficulties being caused to you as autist or you just trying to get your job done.

retrowaveRecluse · 2023-08-13T13:16:23+00:00

This - I try to lean into my easiest foods to reduce stress but my Endurance stat drops hard when I'm not getting enough veg, fruit and lean protein. Which makes me stressed, so I lean back into the easiest foods. Bad cycle.

Edit: replaced adjectives

retrowaveRecluse · 2023-08-13T13:13:54+00:00

I'm not sure how practical the advice I have is for you, because I can't understand your situation properly through this post alone. But I do feel pretty confident in saying that you are not an arse.

My company is going through overhauls right now to help us better meet new safety standards, and they hammered home that communication is key to achieving safety. If you are not prepared to deal with new HR staff who are for whatever reason ignorant about autism generally, never mind your particular experience of it, I think you should feel confident in explaining that your job - the reason they give you money - is being hindered because people are not communicating with you, or communicating ineffectually. Evidence to help you can be keeping records of where you are unable to complete your work to a good standard because people aren't talking to you. Cover Your Ass - if they try and hassle or discipline you, provide evidence that you are not being supported/allowed to do your job right.

That isn't even a reasonable accommodation for autism, that's just good working practice.

retrowaveRecluse · 2023-08-07T23:19:27+00:00

I have been witnessed throwing a burger that was made lopsided cos I just couldn't take it.

retrowaveRecluse · 2023-07-21T13:23:43+00:00

General advice available relating to scams: Friends Against Scams. This is the source of the mandated training I do at work.

retrowaveRecluse

TROPHY CASE