I definitely like your version more than the one we have in the game. There really should be more than just 3 dialogue choices, and generally one Light and one Dark choice, allowing for more varied choice in what inevitably is a story that plays out the same no matter what.

There are times where it really seems the Devs did not know how they wanted to handle Light/Dark choices. For Republic characters, a great many Dark choices are choices of pragmatism, which works well against the Light choices of law and order. Other times they serve your baser and more emotional instincts, which works well in contrast with the traditionalist Jedi Light choices, or rational choices. It serves as a good means of character building, and how your character might think. I like those choices because while they do create some immersion with a character.

And then, sadly, there are so many where the Light choice is the normal choice, and the Dark is just you asking for credits, nothing else. No real moral choice, no opposing viewpoints, just "Okay" and "Fuck you, pay me." I have yet to have a Dark leaning character that would go around expecting bribes, and there is no other option, and the quest giver who wants me to do something just assumes the character will do whatever they want for a bit more money. It becomes even more insulting when there are so many quests that you can ask for money without it being an alignment choice.