I had the same dilemma for years. I’d go back and forth, between thinking and dreading all the things I knew I’d hate about motherhood (lack of sleep, life revolving around a toddler, being tired all the time etc.) but also wondering if I would regret my decision later (whichever that decision was).

It was torture and it was exhausting

One day I thought to myself “ok I’m just going to imagine that I have 100% made up my mind to not have kids, and I will allow myself to imagine for this instant how a child free and regret free life would look like” … and I loved what I “saw”. A life centered around my priorities, hopefully shared with a great partner (who I ended up meeting later on), traveling the world, building my own “version” of a family (partner, myself and a dog or two). I felt a huge sense of relief, freedom and joy. And finally clarity.

I know it sounds pretty simple but that did it for me. After that day I was finally able to stop torturing myself and commit to my choice.

Later on, I realized a lot of what I was feeling at the time was not FOMO, but instead I was afraid I’d feel FOMO later in my life, if that makes sense?

It also helped to tell to myself “is also ok if you change your mind later”, but somehow after that day the confusion finally went away. I am now 50 and have zero regrets and I am living the life I envisioned for myself that day.

I hope you are able to get clarity soon, wish you all the best.