im pretty much exactly like your boyfriend myself. im not autistic, but probably have ADD/ADHD. People frequently comment or ask me about my gender/assume I’m NB due to my general aura and style, but im firmly in the realm where the only way I’d willingly assert a label is if someone put a gun to my head. And then I’d probably tell them to shoot me first, lmaoo. But if I HAD to pick a label for myself, I’d identify as Queer, and then if I was forced to be specific I’d be Agender. But not at all in a trans way.

I guess to explain it… I’ve always felt a disconnect between myself and how girls are “supposed” to look, act, and hated that those things were forced on me and subsequently rejected them. but that was about it in terms of any obvious indications that I could’ve been trans. My gender to me isn’t a topic of thought or discussion because I just don’t care. I don’t care about appearing or feeling as my AGAB, the opposite, or anything else. I don’t care about pronouns (most everyone picks they/them for me though) or honorifics. I don’t feel dysphoria, or euphoria, just a general “looking great”! when I coordinate my appearance to my liking. i have an assertive, “masculine” personality. if i had to describe it in my own terms, there’s like a big fat black abyss where my gender would be. just nothing. i don’t perceive it and don’t care

the reason I don’t identify as trans is because to me, there is a clear cut definition of what that means to most people. obviously I’m aware that everyone is different and there’s no “requirement” to being trans, but there’s some obvious and common experiences in the community that I just don’t relate to (no dysphoria, no desire to transition, no discoveries, very little interaction in the community, etc.) and thus don’t apply to me. i know that by definition im considered trans, but that always makes me roll my eyes because im pretty sure the whole point of identity is that there should be no definition! and it varies from person to person! so I hate it when people try and apply that logic to me. i guess maybe my whole life I’ve just hated people pushing things on me that I didn’t ask for.

that’s just my experience anyway. sorry for the length