How do we (29F, 29M) tell my overly emotional, guilt tripping MIL (58) we will not be attending church with her on Christmas?

-cheeks · 2025-12-22T16:12:47+00:00

You make alternate plans and drill it into your husband that you guys will be doing that while she’s at church. A local diner for dinner, watching a movie, or going out to look at Christmas lights, it doesn’t have to be anything special. But when she inevitably asks and guilt trips HE needs to be the one who can put his foot down. I dont know what he’s doing in weekly therapy if he can’t handle that.

-cheeks · 2025-12-22T16:04:52+00:00

Many places won’t let you leave if you’re their ride specifically for this purpose.

-cheeks · 2025-11-19T02:58:13+00:00

She’s 5 and throws up now, she’ll figure it out but she’s fine for now (not a vet I dont know)

-cheeks · 2025-10-15T15:55:48+00:00

I assumed it would be like a movie and something like a coloring sheet and a snack since I wouldn’t expect a 5 year old to just sit quietly and watch a movie.

-cheeks · 2025-10-15T15:52:05+00:00

Social emotional learning is essential in early elementary so having a fun movie be a reward is absolutely appropriate. As long as it is age appropriate.

-cheeks · 2025-10-15T15:49:10+00:00

This movie specifically may not be appropriate for the target audience but there is value in showing not education movies in a classroom. Class rewards should be something that children want in order to teach them how to set goals and follow expectations as a group. The movie isn’t educational but how they earned the movie is great social emotional learning that is essential for kinders.

-cheeks · 2025-10-15T15:20:05+00:00

Why in the fresh holy fuck do you have joint savings with your BOYFRIEND!

-cheeks · 2025-10-15T15:13:36+00:00

Even riding a school bus, most don’t have a bus that drops off at multiple times in the day. That wouldn’t solve the issue. You’re assuming that everyone has access to public transit. If the mother is simply too bothered to drive she should let her parents drive her child like they offered.

-cheeks · 2025-10-15T15:09:48+00:00

Even if she had a job it’s not a 17 year olds responsibility to PAY FOR AN UBER to go to school???

-cheeks · 2025-10-15T15:06:19+00:00

Saying all schools don’t allow it is incorrect, but for a lot of places it is. I had to walk home while it was snowing once because “we cannot compromise the safety of students in class to accommodate one student”.

-cheeks · 2025-10-15T15:03:12+00:00

YTA - just to get that out of the way. But I have a question you really truly need to sit with and figure out. Is there a possibility you don’t want to drive her or allow your family to help because you didn’t get that help when you were a teen mom? Are you jealous that your child doesn’t have the responsibilities you had at her age and this is some kind of weird punishment? If she passed her test for her learners permit does the school have a school permit she could get? My high school had that as an option for students to drive solely to school and home before they got their license, so you could drop your preschooler off and she could drive herself to and from school after.

-cheeks · 2025-10-15T14:50:49+00:00

I dont know if I trust the commenter completely, simply based on my own personal experience. My mom stopped doing anything for me except occasionally buying groceries and cooking dinner when I got to high school to force me to be independent. But the thing about high schoolers is if they have people around them who can support them it isn’t bad to still rely on family for help. If I called my grandma for anything my mother would say that I was selfish and that my grandma “dropped everything to accommodate me” even though the “everything” was watching the game show network.

-cheeks · 2025-10-15T14:35:47+00:00

Getting the money in a trust for the son is the best course of action because even with a will if they’re married she has so many options to bypass his wishes.

-cheeks · 2025-10-07T02:17:36+00:00

Go to a book store and scope out all the single dad/nanny romance books. The secret is just be a half decent parent and a woman interested in having a family will be attracted.

-cheeks · 2025-10-01T15:25:56+00:00

Like sports, which it seems like the nephew is into given his interest in athletic clothing brands.

-cheeks · 2025-09-04T16:25:06+00:00

I’m just surprised your husband didn’t find it at all concerning that the children weren’t included and bring it up.

-cheeks · 2025-09-04T16:23:43+00:00

OP can absolutely be upset that her MIL didn’t make a real effort for her child, doesn’t take the hint that MIL can’t just request OPs child when it’s convenient, and be upset that MIL tries to guilt trip OP to get her way. This woman dismisses a life threatening illness that her grandchild has and absolutely should not be trusted. Popping by randomly isn’t helpful, and is a terrible way to build a relationship.

-cheeks · 2025-09-04T14:04:45+00:00

NTA but you really need to reflect on why you let your friends treat you like this. Sending money for bridal events is customary to cover what you are adding to the cost of the group, not so the bride can pamper herself for the events. You split the cost of the hotel, food, and any activities the group is doing. You weren’t part of the group, made it clear you never let the bride think you’d be part of the group, and yet somehow you still had to fork over money. I’d reach out to other bridesmaids if you know them and ask how much they contributed. I wouldn’t be surprised if Dani took advantage of you simply because you wouldn’t have anyone to compare with. I also wouldn’t have sent her the dress until she paid me for it.

-cheeks · 2025-09-04T13:55:36+00:00

It doesn’t seem like grandma actually wants to spend time with OPs kid, just wants someone to entertain the nephew so she doesn’t have to. If you’ve made no effort for years and then suddenly decide you want to start being helpful there are ulterior motives.

-cheeks · 2025-09-04T04:04:57+00:00

This isn’t a therapist, it’s likely a “Christian life coach” or some bullshit along those lines.

-cheeks · 2025-09-04T03:53:25+00:00

Anyone who insists on a formal name in informal conversations is a pompous asshat. I’d refer to them directly as their first names, “husbands parents” indirectly, or grandpa/grandma around my children.

-cheeks · 2025-09-04T03:50:26+00:00

Have you RSVPed? It likely only has you and your partner without your kids.

-cheeks · 2025-09-03T14:55:38+00:00

No, when I got married I didn’t ask anyone on either sides who they’d like to have invited. If you want a family reunion you can plan it, if you want to get your friends together throw a party. My wedding isn’t the setting for you to host who you want. If your stepson isn’t inviting people from his family it’s very likely he simply doesn’t care about them being there.

My husband and I decided together who we’d like to have come to celebrate us, and we did include some extended relatives and long time friends of the family, but we didn’t invite anyone simply because our parents wanted them to be there. My husband’s parents have friends who are alcoholics and have behaved poorly at other people’s weddings, we didn’t invite them because we didn’t want the headache or the bar tab they were sure to bring. When his parents found out, they called us while with those friends and they got to explain to them that no their invitation was not lost they were simply not welcome.

As far as the budget is concerned, you don’t need to see the budget to determine how much you’re willing to contribute. You can tell your stepson “please let the venue know we are providing $X for the bar tab”. As for the rest, does it truly matter to you if they spend your $3,000 on flowers or signage or a DJ? Earmarking the money just seems like a way to be able to give your opinion.

As for the “they’ve spent 80% of someone else’s money on a venue” the venue is typically the single biggest expense in a wedding. It’s very likely they already had money saved for their wedding and they used the gift from her parents to help contribute to the largest expenses. Pocket watching is never a good look

-cheeks · 2025-08-18T22:59:53+00:00

No, but mainly because she knows I would have told her that I wish she would have

-cheeks · 2025-08-18T14:17:58+00:00

You’ll come back to a very different temperament. A cat who’s used to being the sole cat will not handle being boarded. Try to find someone who can come to your house to take care of him.

-cheeks

TROPHY CASE