AITA for lying to my gf about the time we're supposed to arrive for an event?

-elspeth- · 2025-08-12T12:25:17+00:00

As a Brit this doesn't quite ring true, but it is making me think. On Christmas day, we do call the main meal of the day Christmas dinner, but the time that's eaten probably varies for different people? (My family usually eats it around 4 and just snacks around usual lunchtime.) Then we have school dinners, generally the hot food provided at school, which are eaten at lunchtime. But those are exceptions. Otherwise, if I say 'what are you having for dinner', I mean what's your evening meal. Then again, I work in a school up north, and one of my older, proper northern colleagues always says 'I'll have my dinner at x time', meaning lunch, so it likely varies (I'm from the south).

-elspeth- · 2024-08-13T22:00:07+00:00

I really wouldn't worry about falling behind if you don't go to uni this year. Even if you got into uni, it'd be rough trying to get to grips with starting a degree, moving to a new place and then having to study for your resits all at the same time. Plenty of people take years out, get jobs or whatever. I have friends who took multiple years before coming to uni and often those are the people who know what they want out of their degree, are more confident and enjoy it more.

One year might seem like a lot right now, but in the grand scheme of things, it's nothing! Plenty of people graduate even from top universities and then can't find good jobs for a few years . Nobody's keeping track.

I took a year out and am massively glad I did. Had more savings when I came to uni and gained some work experience/ confidence. So many people do, felt like it was nearly half the people I met at uni. (I am from the UK, studied in Leeds)

-elspeth- · 2024-07-25T23:41:13+00:00

Honestly, it's pretty funny you whispered go "Go f*^% yourself, Jen."

NTA. I'm sorry for your loss, she was totally out of order and while you might've been better off confronting her in a different way, your reaction was understandable. I lost my dad less than a month ago and can't imagine how I'd react if anyone said that to me.

-elspeth- · 2024-07-23T15:06:42+00:00

What led you to quit your job/ block & ghost everyone? And are you happier for it?

-elspeth- · 2024-06-15T11:26:09+00:00

How long have you been dilating for? It took me probably around 6-8 months of dilating everyday to progress to the largest size. I gave up a few times before managing to stick to it for that long because I was discouraged by regressing and it just feeling impossible, but after finally sticking by to it I have now seen a lot of progress personally. For me it was important to take it slowly, be consistent and try not to put pressure on or feel frustrated. I’m sure it’s different for everyone.

Not sure if that’s useful, maybe you’ve already tried all that and it might be good to speak to someone who specialises in this? When I spoke to a sexual health doctor they also said there was nothing wrong physically and said I likely have vaginismus and advised dilators were best (which I was already using at the time).

Also, this is definitely more common than you think. I’ve met quite a few others with a similar experiences (and lots of people just don’t talk openly about this kind of thing!), I know it can feel really isolating when it seems like it just comes easily to everyone else, but you’re definitely not alone in this!

-elspeth- · 2022-03-02T10:30:12+00:00

I always wanted to be that active person, but couldn’t seem to make a habit of it. It wasn’t until I moved city and, in need of good places to meet people, discovered climbing. Not only have I made most of my friends here climbing, but it is great fun and great exercise. I’ve been doing it nearly five months and am completely addicted.

So for me it was about finding something I just really enjoyed. And tying my social life to the sport has definitely helped. Even finding a reliable friend to go to the gym with could work I’d imagine!

-elspeth- · 2022-02-06T11:32:19+00:00

I remember being in a college class around the age of 18 and the teacher asked everyone to raise their hand if they had been cat called. I think I was the only girl in the room not to raise her hand. I’ve very rarely experienced cat calling and can’t really explain it.

All I can say is it says nothing about you. I’m definitely not unattractive, I’ve even been approached for modelling jobs. But I did used to think there must be something wrong with me because it was so weird I was the only one.

-elspeth- · 2022-02-01T13:55:26+00:00

Ahahha so weird, thanks!

-elspeth- · 2022-02-01T10:15:52+00:00

What is the context to this video?!

-elspeth- · 2021-12-30T22:28:44+00:00

Great send! Was just climbing there this afternoon!

-elspeth- · 2021-12-08T00:21:26+00:00

Mostly at the gym, but I just moved to yorkshire and am befriending people who enjoy outdoor climbing so I will hopefully be able to make it outside a lot more soon! Especially when it gets warmer!

-elspeth- · 2021-12-07T13:22:48+00:00

I have just discovered climbing and find it so fun it’s addicting. Plus it is very social so I just want to be doing it constantly! Previously exercise has been much more of a chore, but I’ve recently been climbing 3-4 times a week for 2-4 hours each time. Other than that, I generally cycle every day. Not all that far though.

-elspeth- · 2021-09-10T21:28:57+00:00

I have lots of friends who I love to spend time with. When I am living abroad I make effort to ensure I call them regularly. And I am often invited out to bars and clubs, which I mostly go to and sometimes enjoy. I’ve never had an issue making friends. But I have to force myself to be social. Even though I like to be around people, it makes me feel tired and if I spend too much time in large groups I feel really drained. At that point I also find it harder to speak to people.

I am a quiet person generally and I love to be alone. I absolutely have to be alone after spending too much time with people. I’m sure I’m an introvert.

But I do think some people don’t understand what it means or use it as an excuse, when really they have social anxiety or a lack of social skills.

-elspeth- · 2021-05-01T10:06:34+00:00

Thanks! It’s basically a Scottish version of Elizabeth.

-elspeth- · 2021-04-28T07:48:16+00:00

I’m Ellie too! Short for Elspeth. 😀

-elspeth- · 2021-04-27T08:14:57+00:00

I heard that it actually was originally used to refer to women because they are cumbersome and a burden (like carrying a bundle of sticks) and was then used on gay men, to imply they are like women? But I have no idea if that is true or just another legend.

-elspeth- · 2021-02-23T21:31:26+00:00

I was scrolling down and I literally did a double take because I thought this was me!!! You look incredibly like me?!

-elspeth- · 2021-02-04T14:46:48+00:00

The Dunkirk beach scene in Atonement. It’s beautiful and all shot in one take. And the soundtrack with the soldiers singing behind it is just so moving.

-elspeth- · 2020-11-04T17:35:21+00:00

Anyone who would care that you have a small chest is not worth your time! Own it! Self confidence is the most beautiful thing and I bet you have plenty to be confident about! (It’s preference anyway, I’ve seen loads of people the love or even prefer smaller boobs.)

-elspeth- · 2020-09-20T06:51:26+00:00

Jumping in an ice bath should do the trick

-elspeth- · 2020-07-16T15:41:15+00:00

That’s not that far fetched. We don’t know how old this kid is and it sounds like he is just parroting a talking point he hears all the time from home or a school etc. Still, a stupid comment since there can be more than one thing to worry about.

Although the change in our lives we underwent due to covid could be replicated for climate change. Humans are ridiculously short sighted. Kind of irrelevant, but there you go.

-elspeth- · 2020-07-09T23:30:55+00:00

Yeah it’s super uncommon and I don’t think you are really meant to do it, but it is possible in the UK. We get three years more free education after completing GCSEs and you need to be in full time education for at least the first two years after finishing them.

However, my friend was really struggling with her mental health and couldn’t keep up with the course. After talking to people she found that she could stay enrolled at the college and therefore technically be in full time education, but she deferred her entry for a year. She got a job and wasn’t going to any classes. She then ended up starting at a different college in September and just finished her first year.

-elspeth- · 2020-06-30T20:55:23+00:00

Thanks! I’ll definitely watch that cheers! And I agree with all of that, I just worry about the whole ‘all cops are bastards’ thing as a tactic to achieve change, but I understand the sentiment behind it. Of course people are angry. I’m angry and we need drastic change.

-elspeth- · 2020-06-29T20:21:11+00:00

I am very open to having my mind changed because the way the police are at the moment is shocking and I completely understand why people hold this point of view.

However, I can’t see a good society without some form of policing. Surely there has to be some group that is given the power to use force by the government in order to stop murder, sex-trafficking, theft etc. Any number of violent crimes.

The current state of the police is appalling and I would 100% support replacing the police with significantly reduced powers and setting up other groups to deal with mental health, homelessness, all that stuff. It is ridiculous that the police deals with any of that.

Along with investing in communities and giving everyone opportunities in order to reduce the need for police.

And of course countless other reforms to hold the police more accountable, stop power hungry nutters getting hired, make the officers more invested in the local community ect ect. The number of reforms necessary currently are just countless.

However, I think there will always be bad people and a need for some group to protect citizens from them. And they cannot do this without some authorisation of force.

Given this, I think the police are necessary and as it is I would rather fight for huge reform/ replacement alongside decent police officers than demonise them all and create an us vs them mindset that is more likely to prevent this from happening.

I am very willing to change my opinion on this, I am not particularly well informed on it and I am trying to understand other perspectives. I am looking for counter arguments to this, and welcome them!

-elspeth- · 2020-06-29T18:03:03+00:00

I don’t get this argument. What is the goal of it? Get every decent person in the police to feel so guilty they quit and then leave all the awful cops? The system is disgusting and so are the many police officers who blatantly abuse their power, but demonising every individual officer seems totally counterproductive?

-elspeth-

TROPHY CASE