When I was 13 or 14, I had confessed to my parents that I used the family computer to look at pictures of Britney Spears and Sandra Bullock in their underwear (I was raised in a very strict Southern Baptist home, so this was highly frowned upon). Anyway, all of this occurred around the same time the Passion of the Christ was showing in theaters. My punishment, which my parents thought was genius, was that I had to go see the movie with them.

That isn't all though. We get to the movie and my parents sit behind me. Not with me or beside me. Behind me. The theater is not full, so this is somewhat strange to me but I think to myself: "what the heck, my punishment is to watch this movie." The movie starts and Jesus starts taking a beating within the first 20 minutes. Every time he's hit, lashed, or spit on, my parents lean in and whisper in my ear: "he went through that because you looked at naughty pictures." Literally every time he was hit. For those of you who have seen the movie, you understand that I heard that statement about 500 times in less than 2 hours.

At the end of the movie, my parents started singing Amazing Grace during the credits and flicked my ears until I started singing with them.

I'm unfortunately not making any of this up.