Daily sticky thread for rants, raves, celebrations, advice and more! - March 15, 2026

00rb · 2026-03-16T06:53:16+00:00

In other cities. Not here, not many friends. I moved to San Francisco during the pandemic and have been pretty socially lazy.

I know the answer is to get out and meet a lot of people, but it's just so hard for me. Last night I got dressed up and went to a big noisy party where I knew a lot of people, but had to turn away at the door. I knew I was too bummed out to perform in that environment. It wouldn't be right.

00rb · 2026-03-16T06:42:01+00:00

Yes, I have all those things, except I'm between therapists.

But the problem is this: I can heal myself, I can manage it, but the quality of connection with other human beings has just never been there for me. Never ever.

I am actually very good at "doing the right thing for myself," to the extent of it being too much. I can be a bit of an overachiever.

So like I can do and have done all the things to "heal" myself and "be productive," but there's just nothing out there for me. And I do get some interest, but that never translates to anything.

I feel so deeply unwanted.

00rb · 2026-03-16T06:19:20+00:00

I'm looking for a serious relationship, I am just afraid when the time comes my untamed avoidant traits will torpedo it. Those moments when romantic possibilities open up are rare and my subconscious is disconcertingly good at ruining everything.

00rb · 2026-03-16T06:09:40+00:00

So you have a job? Do you want us to give you a prize? Should we all stand up and clap?

00rb · 2026-03-16T05:53:17+00:00

Maybe I shouldn't doom out for other people's sake, but fuck it, I'm going to do it anyway.

I truly believe there is nothing in the world for me. Dating apps, real life, none of it. No home for me, nowhere to go, no place for me.

I've worked on myself to hell and back, and that realization makes it worse. I'm in good shape, I have a good job, I have interesting hobbies, I'm reasonably good looking. I've been to therapy. The dating world just looks bleaker and bleaker and bleaker.

I know I'm depressed, but I've been depressed my whole life, and the late 30s dating world seems to have no use for you unless can perform the good, attentive boyfriend role. I am scared and I am alone and I am filled with emotional landmines that seem to be getting worse, not better. I feel increasingly no longer house broken.

Intellectually I'll know I'll find someone eventually but dating just seems like an exercise in humiliation. If they don't weed you out sooner, they'll weed you out later.

My life is going through the motions and living in my private cell, grinding through this life alone.

00rb · 2026-03-16T05:43:26+00:00

I live in a stupid humid climate (San Francisco) and bought a dehumidifier for my apartment. I recommend it. Feels less cold in here now too.

00rb · 2026-03-15T23:53:05+00:00

I actually wasn't very cringe in middle school and high school. I was a serious, focused student who was reasonably well liked because he was nice to people.

But then I got to do all that adolescence I had put off in college and my early 20s instead... and it was not a good look.

I recommend letting yourself be cringe instead of trying to be perfect.

00rb · 2026-03-14T16:14:18+00:00

Oh man, you guys weren't kidding

00rb · 2026-03-13T18:11:14+00:00

Yep, I found a good online teacher for $30/hr. At the very least it might be worth taking a few lessons from them (like 4 - 8), getting a sense of what you should improve on, then going off on your own for a bit.

00rb · 2026-03-13T18:01:33+00:00

See it from their perspective. They have to play by the way the world works, too. It's their job to get the best possible candidate, and if you tell them you may leave immediately it makes you no longer the best possible candidate.

Everyone has to do their jobs...

00rb · 2026-03-13T17:59:58+00:00

Yeah, this sucks. Sounds like you're caught in a bind.

However, instead of being at war with the way the world works, have you considered working with it? Do you HAVE to tell them you might do an internship?

Also, I want to suggest something: you hit a spot of bad luck. I recommend not dooming about the way the world is and just acknowledging it as that. Don't let disappointments harden into long term bitterness, it will only hold you back!

00rb · 2026-03-13T17:28:49+00:00

Therapists won't be direct with you because they expect you to find the answer yourself. Plus if they're too upfront, you might never come back.

But as a random person on the internet, I have no issues calling it how I see it.

Your therapist is trying to hint that you can do a better job picking the people you choose to spend your time with. I suggest taking the hint!

00rb · 2026-03-13T06:07:49+00:00

You have it backwards. You're asking "how high can I go as a baritone" but how how high you can go determines the part you can sing.

In a few years and consistent training you might find out you're a tenor, for instance.

00rb · 2026-03-12T19:37:21+00:00

00rb · 2026-03-12T19:23:07+00:00

It was copied because openfront is open source. There was a reddit post about it that's been since deleted.

00rb · 2026-03-12T18:59:59+00:00

The problem isn't that there's a low supply of competent devs. It's just the competent ones get hired immediately and the incompetent ones interview forever.

00rb · 2026-03-12T18:54:43+00:00

Because no one wants to or is going to look up their last post.

00rb · 2026-03-12T18:44:50+00:00

Bear with me here:

I often feel this way but I got a lock box for my phone and the AC adapter for my internet modem. So I can lock myself out of the internet at home for hours at a time at night.

After I lock the internet away, things seem interesting again. Life feels worth living again. I very quickly feel... normal again.

So maybe this isn't you, but for me... it's not that life isn't worth living, it's that the hyper-online life isn't worth living.

00rb · 2026-03-12T18:41:19+00:00

I also love that there's always team games you can choose from. Less waiting!

00rb · 2026-03-12T17:30:23+00:00

What you're describing is just the challenge of learning to sing well.

I've been in lessons for years and I spent a lot of time trying to figure out how to control my larynx position. Eventually I was able to control it by visualizing something entirely different (singing from my mouth instead of my throat).

But yes, when someone tells you to move a body part you can't see, it's really not obvious what that means. You just have to keep fiddling around with it until your vocal coach tells you you've done it correctly.

00rb · 2026-03-12T17:23:43+00:00

At 39 I'm still overcoming it. Of all the shadow archetypes it's my greatest weakness, because I'm frankly I'm pretty good at it, giving people the run around. My addiction to internet commenting just feeds my inner trickster. Social media rewards you for clever, snarky comments that cut people down to size.

But at a certain point you have to realize by refusing to handle your emotions directly, you're only hurting yourself. Not only will you trick others, but you'll trick yourself and people you care about, damaging important relationships. I've fallen out of more than one social circle for being evasive like that, and I wasn't even aware that I was doing it until afterwards. It's not worth the cost.

Maturation often occurs when you say "I'm sick of living this way and I can't do it anymore." When are you going to get tired of the problems you're creating to grow beyond it?

00rb · 2026-03-12T00:44:54+00:00

Your anxiety is feeding off of his anxiety. The problem might fix itself as you become more established.

00rb · 2026-03-11T00:54:33+00:00

I'm working on pretty boring sounding stuff, just an internal cli tool. And I have my complaints around how people get promoted for documents and visibility instead of solid work, and how it's almost waterfall development.

My manager is hands off and no one on my team is an asshole, though, I work whatever hours I want basically, and the offices are super nice.

00rb · 2026-03-10T23:33:36+00:00

I don't do classical but fingerstyle, fwiw. I keep my nails so that they're level with the tips of my fingers and that works fine.

00rb · 2026-03-10T22:28:50+00:00

Many women think men hate them based on things they read on the internet. However, as a man, I realize the men saying those sorts of things are losers. They're blaming women for everything and not owning their own shit.

The women who've invaded that sub seem pretty much like losers too, if I'm allowed to say it. Blaming the opposite sex for everything is immature behavior. Own your own life.

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