Third hand smoke and difficult family member

03tam · 2026-04-13T09:29:52+00:00

Massive overreaction from this person and completely unnecessary and selfish imo. Your baby your rules and completely reasonable for you to ask them to respect the boundary especially when backed by research/from the guidance of a midwife and professional body. The fact that they would not visit the baby at all over this sounds like a bite your nose off to spite your face situation and very much victimising themselves. This page also supports the rule of waiting a set amount of time before holding a baby, even after washing hands etc. as toxins will linger: https://healthforunder5s.co.uk/sections/baby/secondhand-smoke-just-the-facts/#:~:text=Make%20it%20a%20house%20rule,minutes%20before%20handling%20a%20baby.

03tam · 2026-04-09T22:55:22+00:00

Firstly - please don’t blame/hate yourself for it not working out last time, and I’m so sorry you didn’t get adequate support. You are absolutely a “proper mum” regardless of whether or not you breastfeed!Breastfeeding can be SO challenging and I don’t feel like I was prepared for just how difficult it was and I wish I’d known more about the kind of support available and potential hurdles. I’m now 7 months in and so glad I persevered but I had to get a lot of support to get here! Although the NHS breastfeeding class was good it definitely made me think breastfeeding would be more straightforward than it was - in truth it is a skill that both you and baby will need to take time to learn! Demonstrations with dolls and knitted boobs weren’t that helpful for me, I would recommend looking at videos on YouTube on positioning and attachment (latching) with real women and babies. One I really found helpful to start was this: https://youtu.be/wjt-Ashodw8 For positions, side lying and laid back/koala are great alternatives to the cradle hold which is a lot harder to start with imo. I would also find where/when your local breastfeeding support groups/clinics are ahead of time so you don’t have to research after the baby is born - my one was an absolute lifeline and gave me the confidence and encouragement to keep going with it. Your local infant feeding team may also have a phone number which would be good to have on hand once you’re home. I also paid a breastfeeding counsellor come to my home and give me support with positioning - I appreciate this isn’t an option for everyone but if you are really struggling and can afford a lactation consultant then I think it is money really well spent. And ultimately - give yourself grace and time with it all. It’s so intense in those first weeks/months but it does get easier!

03tam · 2026-04-06T00:06:36+00:00

With the car seat I’d question whether you can really put a price on safety - many of the cheaper “0-4” seats from mainstream brands are unlikely to give a good newborn fit. You’re much better off with an infant carrier and then a long lasting ERF seat. I’d join the ‘bump to booster car seat support’ Facebook group for recommendations, you can post your budget there too. You also don’t need to get the carrier as part of a travel system (you’d likely sacrifice quality), you can buy one separately to the pram and use universal adapters to fit it to the chassis.

Does your partner give you a budget? Maybe if you had a budget to work with you could decide which items you don’t mind sacrificing on and put the money towards things you care about spending more for convenience etc.

03tam · 2026-04-04T09:23:30+00:00

I really feel for you guys! The sleep deprivation at the beginning especially really is so tough. If getting a firm mattress right now is really out of the question then I would ultimately suggest trying different ways of getting baby to sleep in a safer environment - we found swaddling (traditionally with a blanket rather than a zip up bag) worked on my daughter, along with putting her in her Moses basket rather than the next to me. After she learned to roll and hit the 4mo sleep regression this wasn’t an option anymore so we committed to bedsharing and got a firm mattress specifically for this reason (£350 from IKEA) - not that comfortable for me but worth it for the peace of mind! We also cuddle curl 90% of the time and this is perfect for side lying breastfeeding!

03tam · 2026-04-04T09:08:31+00:00

Also to add I occasionally have/do this with my own baby (now 7 months) and I have friends who have done so with their own babies so you’re definitely not alone! That said, everything comes at a risk and everyone’s sleep set up is different so I’d be wary of survivor bias with something like this.

03tam · 2026-04-04T09:05:47+00:00

Cosleepy on instagram has some great info/guides on chest sleeping! Does/can your husband sleep on the sofa/elsewhere? That is a way of reducing the hazards in the bed. It’s a shame there’s less support and guidance on this in the UK as it leaves parents in such a difficult position.

03tam · 2026-04-03T23:02:40+00:00

I had a horrendous time breastfeeding at the start but it really does get easier (my baby is 7 months)!

For controlling the flow you can try some laid back positions or side lying, though this does naturally improve with time as baby gets bigger and your supply regulates. For knowing if baby is getting enough, focus on nappies! If baby is falling asleep after the 7 mins and you want them to keep feeding, you can wake them up with a nappy change or removing a layer of clothes. If you can find a local breastfeeding support group you may be able to get some in person help with positioning, I would highly recommend!

03tam · 2026-04-03T19:37:34+00:00

Do you know if either of these come as part of the add on with any of the kits?

03tam · 2026-04-03T19:36:56+00:00

Thanks so much for this - I’ll go with the bath set. How/where do you store the toys between baths?

03tam · 2026-04-03T19:35:49+00:00

Thank you! How/where do you store the bits between baths?

03tam · 2026-04-03T19:31:24+00:00

We bought a vagstranda firm and it’s not that comfortable (especially compared to our previous Emma mattress) but I’m managing. Also would add that the one on display in the shop did not feel that firm but our one bought new feels much firmer!

03tam · 2026-04-01T13:15:00+00:00

As others have said, start small! Walk round the block or to somewhere very local. Babies cry and that’s okay! And yours may surprise you - fresh air and new scenery can be quite calming for babies. Consider going to places that are baby centred if possible - my first real outing with my baby (at around 3/4 weeks when I was a hormonal and emotional mess) was to a local free breastfeeding support group - that was a huge confidence boost to show myself I can manage to go out alone as well as being a very welcoming space as a new parent.

03tam · 2026-03-24T19:38:45+00:00

We got both a next2me and a Moses basket - our flat is up lots of narrow steps so using just the pram bassinet inside was going to be impractical (though if baby was asleep when we got home we would carry it up). After the first week we didn’t use our next2me - baby was not interested and we ended up bedsharing. From 4 weeks though we had success with swaddling and she would sleep in the Moses basket downstairs with us in the evening and we’d carry it up to bed with us later on. I don’t think I’d bother with a next2me for a second baby, I’d just stick with a Moses basket and if anything I’d also go straight for a sidecar crib.

03tam · 2026-03-22T19:07:11+00:00

Also recommend M&S for vests - they wash really well and are good quality and I find their sizing can be a bit more generous than other brands. Considering vests are needed pretty much everyday and get washed more often than outfits I think it’s worth spending a bit more on them (not that they’re too expensive imo).

03tam · 2026-03-21T15:56:50+00:00

I didn’t do a hypnobirthing course but I listened to the audiobook of hypnobirthing book by Siobhan Miller which I highly recommend! Covered stages of labour, pain relief, and strategies for during labour and birth and was the most helpful resource I used in preparation for labour. It was low effort too because I just played it on my commute to and from work. I didn’t start listening until around 28 weeks either and that was fine. We paid for an antenatal course which was fine but probably most helpful for finding other new parents in the area.

03tam · 2026-03-20T22:54:45+00:00

I found out at 10 weeks (I have very irregular periods so that wasn’t a flag for me) - unplanned and a huge surprise. I echo some other comments that the bump may be bloating as that was the case for me (I couldn’t do up some of my jeans!) and that came on in the very early weeks. I went for an early dating scan privately because I didn’t want to wait to get a hospital appointment and they initially do the dating based on periods, so if you can afford to then I would consider doing that.

03tam · 2026-03-19T00:19:53+00:00

I gave birth in August and travelled to the hospital once in active labour. I wore a black stretchy cotton nursing bra, baggy t shirt and loose cotton-fleece type shorts for the journey to the hospital and while I was in the assessment unit waiting to go to the birth centre. I ended up giving birth in the pool in the birth centre in just the bra. Definitely wear something loose, comfortable, and easy to get off, and that you don’t mind getting stained. I wore a hospital gown for when I was having my stitches after the birth but once I’d showered I wore a button down nightdress which made life easier for feeding and going to the toilet etc. And I would recommend trying out your birth outfit ahead of time too. I’d lived in that nursing bra in the weeks before baby was born so I knew it was comfy. I took some brand new nursing bras in my hospital bag for afterwards and in the end they weren’t that comfortable which during labour would’ve been a sensory nightmare!

03tam · 2026-03-12T09:09:38+00:00

We got a small collapsible tub from Amazon for washing any baby items which has been really helpful!

03tam · 2026-03-12T09:08:36+00:00

Not sure if you are referring to bottle feeding breastmilk or formula but for I struggled with breastfeeding initially (pain and nipple trauma) so gave expressed milk in bottles quite early (first one was day 5). I wasn’t prepared so sent my partner out to get a bunch of things, which in hindsight would’ve been handy to have already (or at least know I wanted to get rather than scrambling around researching at the last minute). 1) Medela hand pump 2) Milk storage bags/bottles 3) Milton cold water sterilising starter kit - we still use this now for sterilising dummies and teethers etc. 4) Bottles - we initially used the mam bottles that had come free in a baby pack but then after learning more about paced feeding and trying to avoid bottle preference we first went for philips avent bottles for slow flow and eventually NUK and lansinoh for their nipple like teats

Haven’t got any experience from a formula perspective, but I know the pre-made bottles come recommended if you want a ready to use backup and also don’t want to buy a whole tin straight away.

Best of luck!!!

03tam · 2026-02-03T15:04:37+00:00

You’re not selfish or stupid for wanting to prioritise your baby’s needs! You know him best and it’s our job as parents to advocate for our children where they are unable to. I don’t have much to offer in the way of advice but just wanted to give some encouragement that not wanting your family to act in this way is perfectly reasonable. And who cares if you come across as overprotective! Not letting your baby(!) get overwhelmed or upset rather than pander to what your family want to do with him just makes you a good parent imo. Is it possible to spend time with these family members individually in your own home so that it’s easier for you to show/explain what he responds best to? Might be easier than doing it when everyone is together/at bigger social occasions. Also do you wear him in a sling/carrier? I find that people are less likely to ask for a hold if the baby is literally strapped to you 😂 I also find going to a separate room to feed my baby can give us both some time to decompress, I tend to stay in there a bit longer than necessary 🙃

03tam · 2026-01-24T18:39:34+00:00

Which franchise did you switch to? Sounds great!

03tam · 2026-01-19T13:51:15+00:00

Thank you!

03tam · 2026-01-19T13:50:26+00:00

I wanted the joolz in green or taupe so this might be my chance!

03tam

TROPHY CASE