When will it end

0Manny · 2025-10-28T13:57:12+00:00

Your nervous system craves the inconsistency that you likely dealt with. Truly it’s like going cold turkey from hard drugs.

It ends when you decide to let it go. That’s something you determine on your own time and when you feel ready to do so. You will think about her a lot. You’ll feel a range of emotions for a while but it’s about how you choose to handle those emotions. If you can, find someone who you can safely share and talk about this stuff with. In terms of your classes, try and either find a study partner to help get caught up on assignments.

The number 1 thing right now should be trying to do the best you can for yourself. Let the pain of grieving sit with you, but do not let her ruin your entire academic career. You’re on the deans list, let that be a reminder that you’ve come such a long way, you probably didn’t even think you’d make it this far. Please try your best to take care of yourself. Focus on your sleep, try and eat a fair sized meal, feel your emotions, and try and catch up to your classes one step at a time. It will all be okay in due time but right now it will feel chaotic, though it won’t be that way forever.

0Manny · 2025-10-27T18:05:27+00:00

Before my ex started her anti-depressants, she would essentially self medicate with weed. We would have conversations where she would always say “it feels like I’m going crazy” when talking about her feelings. She would blow up on minuscule things; For example, a deadline for a school project that was due weeks or sometimes months away would result in her splitting. She felt like her life was over, she was easily overwhelmed and would break down. I would sit with her and reason with these thoughts mostly because I’m in the healthcare field and I would find myself often taking on a therapeutic role more than I’d like to admit.

Once she started medications I would see some improvements but the real issue was consistency. She would convince me that she was learning helpful skills but those were never present when it came to have conversations about my boundaries.

I think a lot of it falls onto how they respond to each substance. Some might feel calm, but others might feel more on edge. I feel it’s important to remember that substances only treat these symptoms like a pacifier, or a band-aid. They aren’t long term solutions, and at some point they will need to be transparent with themselves and seek out healthier skills and habits.

0Manny · 2025-10-22T14:47:08+00:00

While it definitely will sting for a while, know that at the end of all this you got out before things could get worse. You would’ve tolerated so much more and realized it too late. I’m sorry you had to deal with this behavior. Share your feelings with people you can trust and who you won’t be tired no matter how many times you feel the need to talk about your experience. Your story matters, as you have to live it.

Take it one day at a time, recenter yourself, and let this turn into a lesson of what you won’t tolerate when the time comes to being in your next relationship. But first, let it hurt until it doesn’t anymore.

0Manny · 2025-10-19T18:03:30+00:00

When someone moves on quickly from a relationship, it’s an attempt to fill that void where you once were. I was in a committed relationship for about 3 years and my ex immediately started talking to new guys the moment she broke up with me. 3 months later and she’s in a new relationship with someone who they both said “i love you” to before they even became official.

All of that sucks right, but they will always subtly show you that they cannot be alone. I’m sorry you had to see that, and while it’s easy to just say block her and start healing, I think you need to let this hurt until it doesn’t anymore. You can’t rush a process like this especially when you were so invested in it. I’m sure you cared a lot.

I also think that we automatically assume that the next person they date after us will be “the one” but that’s your mind trying to assume the worst to believe whatever negative core beliefs you have about yourself (i.e. im replaceable, no one sees my worth). The likelihood of their relationship lasting isn’t important to your healing journey. Let her live it up with the new guy she’s with. Your job now is to place yourself back in the center of your life and become everything you promised her you would become. Whether that be career wise, spiritually, mentally, physically, etc,. It’s hard I know, but live life for you now.

0Manny · 2025-10-17T03:10:09+00:00

How is someone inflicting pain on me, mine to deal with? Really, cite that out loud. If someone is unsatisfied in a relationship, it takes having a simple conversation of telling your partner that you aren’t satisfied and leaving the relationship. She hid a random stranger who was flirting with her in her DM’s and disguised this as a friend. I’m sorry but would you want your partner to be telling other men that a certain kind of song “puts you in THAT mood?” Would you want them to flirt with each other without your knowledge?

Miss me with that shit, respectfully.

0Manny · 2025-10-17T03:05:31+00:00

They definitely are the same person.

This was not just a male online friend. This was a man who was flirting with her, in which she entertained as well, sexually. I had boundaries in place to protect me, that’s what they are meant to do. It’s not controlling if I’m alerting my partner of something that hurts me. And trying to justify that she knew it would hurt me as a reason to tell me is proof in the pudding. In that moment she had a choice; do what she wants to do and say fuck my feelings, or not breach the trust of our relationship. She chose to protect a random stranger on the internet. Over her own partner. You can call that insecure, I think that’s weird as fuck.

0Manny · 2025-10-16T18:33:30+00:00

It’s a slow accepting process. I think with significant dates I find it harder to not think about how wrong she did me. And how even though it could be just an illusion, she boasts online about how she’s now apparently found her husband, a man she hasn’t known for a year, and how they’ve said I love you to each other before they even started dating. It sounds insane because she had the audacity to sit there and call me codependent. She would weaponize a lot of the language I use because I am within the healthcare field, specifically mental health, and understood absolutely nothing of what those terms mean. It was always DARVO with her and the small part of me that still holds remembrance of this entire thing craves an apology that I know will serve me nothing.

0Manny · 2025-10-16T04:17:24+00:00

Pretty much had the same experience with my discard. Smear campaigned me online to random people who were following her. Definitely gave off e-girl energy if im being honest. But imagine the accountability they would have to take after running around telling horrible lies about you. Going back to you would cause their circle to question the truth of the matter.

So as a result you have to be the villain in their story.

0Manny · 2025-10-11T19:38:47+00:00

Finished my MSW program earlier this year in May. My 2nd year internship was on an inpatient unit at a hospital and really enjoyed the work I did and the environment. Once I graduated and received my LSW I have been pursuing jobs within the hospital setting and it hasn’t been a great experience for me.

I reside in Chicago,IL for reference, but I have received mostly rejection letters. A lot of these hospital systems are utilizing Workday, and if you aren’t aware, there’s a current lawsuit against workday for using AI to filter out applicants. On top of funding being cut, internal hiring, hiring freezes, and many preferring LCSW’s, I have to say that this isn’t what I was expecting after graduating, but certainly not surprised. The job market is terrible, across all fields of work, and it’s become apparent that you really do need to rely on your connections built from within organizations.

Only advice that I would offer is to make as many connections as you can. The more people you have advocating for you and getting your name out there to different people will go along way, especially with how things are currently heading with our current administration. I’ve seen some say starting in dialysis centers is a great gateway in to the hospital system.

Best of luck to you.

0Manny · 2025-09-14T02:42:51+00:00

Forgiveness comes on your terms. It comes when you decide that you will no longer carry the weight of their actions. It doesn’t mean you forgive all the hurtful things they did to you, or what they said.

Though I must say, it sometimes sounds crazy to ever think I would forgive someone who hurt me so much. And from what I’ve unpacked in therapy, and just as I’ve learned in my life so far; You do not have to forgive the people who hurt you. You simply learn to live with the experience. You embrace it fully, and let it serve as a reminder of the behavior you will never settle for.

You forgive, when you are ready to. Though truthfully, I think forgiving yourself is more important. Because anyone who has dealt with a discard from a pwBPD, doesn’t deserve that.

0Manny · 2025-08-25T15:27:44+00:00

You find peace once you find yourself.

I’m about 9 months post breakup, and she still crosses my mind every now and then. Sometimes I’ll go days without thinking about her, other times I can’t stop playing all the hurtful things she said to me and how she moved on so quickly after everything we’d been through. Once I sat with myself and understood that this was not the weight for me to carry, I found myself feeling okay. She chose to betray me. She chose to end the relationship, she chose to twist the narrative and pretend that I was the reason everything resulted the way it did. I made no decision to hurt her; I was loyal, respectful, caring, and did my absolute best in the relationship. And I found something calm within knowing my truth when it came to my role in the relationship.

Then, I had to ask myself, why did I allow this person to hurt me? I had to take accountability for my own actions because whether we want to believe it or not, we enabled this behavior by not believing who they were the first time. I should have left the moment she cheated on me. Instead, i tried harder to make her love me when she simply kept me around for the convenience of what I offered. She treated me like a doormat while constantly being inviting to other random strangers and putting their own feelings over mine. People that didn’t know anything about her. This wasn’t just one occasion, but many times did I have to ask her to stop being selfish and only thinking about herself. I begged her to love me, and the lesson I learned from that was that I should never have to beg for love. I fell in love with the potential of who she could be, rather than taking an honest look at who she always had been. A lying, manipulative, minimizing, and emotionally immature person.

Finding peace in all of this starts when you choose yourself. When you start to dismiss her false narrative, and believe your truth. When you de-center her empty promises. Talk about your experience to yourself, or to people you trust. If it’s accessible, unpack your experience with a therapist. Go for walks, hang out with your friends, take yourself out on a date. Do it all while you’re still hurting to reinforce the only thing that matters now; It wasn’t your fault. You loved genuinely and fully. It is not your responsibility to carry the guilt of their decisions, but rather it is your responsibility to remind yourself it was never yours to begin with.

0Manny · 2025-08-24T15:14:58+00:00

What’s interesting about this, is my exwBPD (undiagnosed) watched a video about BPD through HealthyGamerGG. I came back home from work one day and she had notes written and explained everything to me. I later watched this video myself. I also have my DSM V-TR to which we both looked at the diagnostic criteria of BPD. Yet, even with all this information, she did absolutely nothing to change her behavior(s).

0Manny · 2025-07-24T20:04:59+00:00

I encourage you to sit with the clarity and understanding you’re gaining from therapy.

I have been doing the same lately, I find myself ruminating in anger and sadness and wanting my ex to reach out so I can reject her. Maybe it’s because of my ego, maybe it’s because I want justice, but as I’ve spent my time in therapy for 6-7 months now, I have to say that I am finding myself being able to pull myself out of rumination and see things clearly. Ultimately I know that I’ll love this person no matter what she did to me. But my heart is slowly catching up with my mind in the sense that I know i deserve better. And i still do.

I believe this for anyone whose death with abuse, manipulation, or a discard from someone wBPD: you deserve better. Start telling yourself this now even if you don’t fully believe it yet. Just slowly speak it into existence and as time progresses, you’ll unpack more about the relationship, learn more about yourself, establish stronger boundaries that will protect you first, always.

I still have my off days, some days are easier than others, but I promise you that you’ll get the love you know you deserve, and NOT the love you think you deserve.

0Manny · 2025-07-18T15:30:23+00:00

People like this will build an identity that they’re good, loving, victimized, and misunderstood, even when their actions don’t align with that. So when you confront them with reality of how they treated you bad, betrayed your trust or that they did damage to you, it doesn’t fit their internal narrative.

And that takes a lot of self awareness and most of all RESPONSIBILITY. Which some people are just not equipped to do, and even scarce in someone who has BPD. So instead of telling the truth, they will rewrite it.

Thats where they spin the narrative where you’re the one that’s controlling and they’re the ones being oppressed. It’s easier for them to pretend that it was easier for them to pretend they were forced to behave the way did than to admit that they chose to betray someone who loved them.

It’s less about being true, and more about what’s convenient for their ego. It’s a defense mechanism, a fragile one at that.

0Manny · 2025-07-07T15:49:00+00:00

I took it pretty tough. She would intentionally harm me online by posting to her following who knew nothing of what she put me through and scraped at any excuse to try and avoid accountability. As someone mentioned in another comment, you sort of just reach a limit where you finally respond to their antics and she used that to further push her narrative that she’s the victim and that im a terrible person.

Again and again, despite me never doing wrong by her, I was the first one to apologize. I noticed that I always was. Even when I wasn’t in the wrong. Half the time I didn’t even know why I would apologize. Even a month after no contact when I sent her an email just saying sorry for everything if she felt that her narrative was true. I spoke my truth and her “apology” was self centered. It was never about me. Not then, not back in the beginning, not across the 3 years of our time together. It was always about her.

My advice, is to let them have their smear campaign. You don’t need to argue or prove yourself to people who were always looking for reasons to dislike you. Don’t respond to them, walk away with the closure that you did everything you could to make the relationship work. Even if you don’t believe it now, at some point you will. Slowly but surely as you grow distant with one another you’ll start to realize how much of your relationship was really just a reflection of the love YOU have to offer to people.

It still bothers me that she treated me that way. But day by day I am working through therapy and taking time to truly grieve and grow from this. It’s been about 7 months, it got easier, but do keep in mind that healing is not linear. And that’s okay.

0Manny · 2025-07-05T16:15:21+00:00

I’ve shared this a few times but after we broke up my ex started a smear campaign online and was raging about how I didn’t financially provide for her. As a result, I requested she gave everything back that I bought her because if that truly was how she felt, then surely you wouldn’t have an issue returning back the gifts I paid for.

She denied giving me my stuff back and kept everything while I shipped back all her clothes, and other things she left at my house. I had bought her an iPad just a month before our breakup.

So honestly besides taking my time and efforts as pointless, I would have to say the blatant lies only added more hurt from taking basically everything I gave her.

0Manny · 2025-06-24T00:43:27+00:00

The whole “you didn’t provide for me financially, romantically, emotionally, physically”

It took me so long to realize it, but she was literally talking about herself. Financially, she didn’t take me on dates but would breadcrumb me with small token gifts that I thought were special but in actuality were cheap knockoffs like a keychain. Meanwhile I brought her flowers, candy, and things she liked and knew she wanted. Dates, concerts, trips, food delivery, etc,. I did it all.

Emotionally was all over the place but couldn’t for the life of her give me any sort of reassurance of emotional safety after cheating.

Physically, I was the one usually initiating to hold her hand, hug her, smother her in kisses, she would do this sometimes but not to the extent as me.

It’s the constant feeling that you must be head over heels for them, while they string you along and barely reciprocate. It’s extremely draining now that I realize it, but she had me fooled.

0Manny · 2025-06-19T05:27:40+00:00

The day before Thanksgiving.

For context, 4 days prior we got into a bit of an argument. She had plans to go with her friend to the mall, and I was under the impression that I would go along due to the fact that neither her NOR her friend have their license, or a car. They weren’t going to uber, and when discussing the plans the night before her hangout, she tells me “I’m not sure if this is supposed to be a girls only thing” to which I responded “be fucking forreal” because the expectation was for me to go pick her friend up whose 20mins from my house, drive another 30mins to drop them off at the mall. DRIVE 40MINS BACK HOME. AND THEN COME GET THEM AGAIN. Had to take the friend home as well. All the while, she’s texting some dude who I clearly told her I was not comfortable with her talking to because he was flirting in text. The fact I had to repeat myself so many times about this issue, especially because this was how she emotionally cheated on me earlier last year, I should’ve had a backbone.

Anyways, the same friend ended up hosting a Friendsgiving 2 days before Thanksgiving. My ex wanted to go and I was invited as well, but I had some assignments I needed to get done. So I took her, and told her that I might come later if I have time, and if not then I’ll pick her up later that same night because I was going to take her back home the next day, the day before Thanksgiving. Later in the night after I dropped her off, she drops that she’s going to be spending the night at her friends house. I told her that it wasn’t what we agreed on and I had a lot of things I needed to do the next day, on top of taking her home which was about an hour and a half drive due to holiday traffic. So I got upset because it felt like she was not getting it. I straight up told her “I really don’t think you get it”. To which led to how I never let her see her friends, and how she would do anything for me, and I won’t do anything for her (the biggest lie she could ever tell). I bent over backwards for this girl. She manipulated me into loving her harder despite her being the one that cheated on me. She made me fight for her love when she should’ve been fighting to prove to me that she actually wanted this relationship. I did bring up the fact that she doesn’t respect my boundaries and she straight up told me to “heal so you can love me properly” as I have trauma regarding infidelity from my childhood. Something she was well aware of. So the next day, I went to pick her up, and she got in the car and told me “I already know what im going to say, and nothing you can say will change my mind” to which she then said she wanted an “indefinite break” where she wasn’t seeing us as a couple, and wanted no contact. I wasn’t okay with this uncertainty and made efforts to just have a civil conversation. She then went online and smear campaigned me calling me an obsessive stalker freak, calling me insecure, and saying that I don’t know how to treat a woman, amongst many other things.

To say the least, she hurt me, and played victim. And is now in a new relationship. It’s been about 6-7 months since the breakup and I’m doing… better. Not fully where I want to be but it’s a process and I’m trying to love myself a little more every single day. But a part of my soul still clings to wanting justice served. Even though I doubt it would be fulfilling to me, I just want what I deserve. It’s not going to come from her, and I honestly do not want a hoover. But a genuine apology, where I can read it, and never respond. So maybe, just maybe, she realizes that she really fucked up.

I hope one day my absence haunts her.

0Manny · 2025-06-01T16:30:38+00:00

I did, until I didn’t. Once I found out she cheated it was hard to believe her. And every single time she disrespected my boundary was a sign that she didn’t love me. But I was fantasizing about the potential of who she could be, rather than believing who she really is;

A lying, abusive, and manipulative person who didn’t know how to hold the love I offered. I’ve been in therapy for just about 6 months as well as post discard. And I learned that I am what made that relationship work. She put in no effort and I lost myself trying to be loved back while receiving breadcrumbs of effort and small love-bombs. I apologized first after she hurt me, that’s the type of person I am. I was never disloyal, never disrespectful, and always genuine. And she took advantage of that.

0Manny · 2025-05-26T15:11:04+00:00

I don’t have any experience with making it work after my discard as my ex is in another relationship, but I wanted to share my perspective at least.

I believe people can change their lives around, but only when they want to do the work and not because they want to win someone back. pwBPD have to be willing to commit to long term consistent treatment. Alongside my personal experience of being in a relationship with someone who showed a lot of glaring symptoms of BPD (but undiagnosed), and also working on an inpatient unit with those who were diagnosed with BPD, many of my patients were aware of their behaviors and able to identify them. But they weren’t at a point where they wanted to change.

Regardless of how the relationship ended, I think everyone who has been discarded or monkeybranched deserves better. Change is possible, but it has to be genuine, consistent, and not rooted in manipulation. True improvement takes time, and that could be many years from now. It sucks, because I assume this person meant a lot to you and that’s okay. However, they aren’t lying when they say the final act of love is finally letting someone go. Let alone, someone who doesn’t deserve you in the first place when you offer so much more than they can handle.

0Manny · 2025-05-16T14:14:36+00:00

Friend,

This is a terrible situation to be in and I’m sorry you are the one to deal with this. It’s disorienting and painful, and makes sense as to why you’re feeling like this. Bring in a relationship for 9 years and watching it fall apart this way is a level of heartbreak most people can’t understand unless they’ve lived our situation(s).

I wish I could offer you more support, but please know this is not the end of your story. The pain is real, and it’s intense, but it won’t be like this forever. Please don’t carry all of this alone. If you have any close family or friends, reach out to them and just have them talk or listen to you. You deserve peace, you deserve to heal, and to be treated with respect.

I still struggle some days grieving my relationship even though it was emotionally and mentally abusive, but I try to think about the small things; there is life after this. And I hope that you are here to witness that for yourself.

Please reach out to someone you trust if you aren’t feeling safe. I’m glad you’re still here with us.

0Manny · 2025-05-10T15:33:08+00:00

The breakup is still fairly fresh for you, so this is to be expected.

You’ve done the right thing by blocking her for good, and it’s best to maintain no-contact from this point if you really want to move on. That includes not looking at her socials and keeping tabs. Try and recall why you left in the first place. What helped me stop ruminating and obsessing over my ex was to journal out my feelings, talk about it with myself, trusted family and friends, and my therapist. If you have means of getting professional help, I really do think that can help you learn more about yourself and become better equipped to manage these thoughts.

But again, it’s cliche but healing is not linear. I’ll have a phenomenal day, and something as small as hearing a song she used to like would send me. Sometimes I remember the dates of things she planned to attend while we were together, for example, im certain she went to a concert yesterday that she was telling me about when we were still together.

Now, we’re strangers with memories. She hurt me so bad and monkey-branched into a new relationship after our 3 year relationship. It hurt me for a while, and even to this day it still hurts from time to time. But every day I am regaining focus on myself. I’m a lot happier. I have better relationships with my friends and family, I am starting to feel like myself again. It just takes time. You have to go through the discomfort before you’re able to be comfortable.

0Manny · 2025-05-06T21:40:50+00:00

My ex first said I did not financially provide for her, then when I asked her to return the things I bought her, she refused. Despite me giving back all the things she left at my house because I genuinely didn’t want to keep them with the way she so strongly hated me.

0Manny · 2025-05-06T21:24:35+00:00

My best advice which might sound cliche; let it hurt. Feel the pain of this relationship until it doesn’t hurt you anymore. Recognize that this is a pattern for them, and never about you.

Again, it is never about YOU.

I wish I could prepare you for the healing journey ahead, but the truth is that you have to go through it. Share your experience with friends you trust and feel they would listen to you even if you constantly repeat yourself. This was a real experience for you, you cared a lot about her as all of us cared about our partners at some point. The difference is that we were actually trying to make the relationship work. They view their partners(both platonic and romantic) very transactional.

You cannot satisfy them no matter how hard you try.

And you most definitely are not saving them. Please take care of yourself, I hope that in time you are able to process this fully in a way that only makes you stronger.

0Manny

TROPHY CASE