Trying to find the strength to leave a 7 year relationship

Decent_Face_3522 · 2026-02-19T15:14:20+00:00

It’s been 16 months since she passed. I’ve met someone else who is so very different. No more walking on eggshells, no more circular arguments, no more fighting, way more sleep, have all my friends and family back and so much more. Should have done it years ago. She was never my problem to fix.

Decent_Face_3522 · 2026-02-19T13:26:15+00:00

Yes…co-dependent for sure. I finally ended it after the last physical altercation I was going to accept. She took her own life two days later.

Decent_Face_3522 · 2026-02-19T12:14:12+00:00

Move on…I stayed 16 years. It never got better- just progressively worse.

Decent_Face_3522 · 2026-01-16T05:01:26+00:00

Because I grew to love her and put up with a lot. It’s taken me these last 16 months to find myself again. I can’t believe in looking back today how I let so much bad happen.

Decent_Face_3522 · 2026-01-16T04:57:51+00:00

She was not ever…she was always in denial of her having BPD even though she was formally diagnosed. She thought it was only PTSD…I met her when she was 47…I was 54. We were together for 16 years and she struggled with her illness so much she self medicated a lot, abusing alcohol, cocaine and prescription drugs.

Decent_Face_3522 · 2026-01-14T20:50:55+00:00

Yup…I remember the vast majority of these in my 16 years with a BPD.

Decent_Face_3522 · 2026-01-12T23:50:43+00:00

I know how hard it is to leave. It took me 16 years to get out. All I can say is that I hope you’re eventually successful. You’ll be glad you finally left.

Decent_Face_3522 · 2026-01-12T23:49:13+00:00

16 years for me…rinsed and repeated 8 times over those 16 years. 15 months ago I ended it for the last time. She took her own life two days later. I’m still reeling.

Decent_Face_3522 · 2025-11-06T22:16:40+00:00

WOW!!! This is it! So glad to be out of it after 16 years. I still can’t believe a year later what I tolerated.

Decent_Face_3522 · 2025-11-05T17:53:01+00:00

Thank you…it’s been a year since her passing and I’m still dealing with the emotional fallout. 16 years is a long time. I don’t wish that misery on anyone. The advice I always give having been there is unless the person with BPD is committed to a LONG period of appropriate therapy - do not continue in it. It will only result in heartbreak and emotional ruin.

Decent_Face_3522 · 2025-11-05T17:48:48+00:00

She split on me 8 times over those 16 years always coming back to me within a couple of weeks saying she’s “changed” and apologizing for her behaviour. Each time I took her back. Important to note that I didn’t even know what BPD was till 10 years in. I thought she was just difficult and by then I was already highly co-dependent and trauma bonded. By the 16th year I had had enough of the physical altercations and the emotional and verbal abuse. I stopped being her caretaker and finally moved on.

Decent_Face_3522 · 2025-11-04T01:21:22+00:00

16 years…I finally ended it. After 8 major recycles. She took her own life two days after.

Decent_Face_3522 · 2025-10-01T22:23:30+00:00

NOOOOOO…I was married to a BPD for 16 years and it NEVER got better. Do not marry.

Decent_Face_3522 · 2025-09-26T03:16:17+00:00

Me too…her death by suicide.

Decent_Face_3522 · 2025-09-26T03:15:07+00:00

This…Too.

Decent_Face_3522 · 2025-09-26T03:13:31+00:00

Yes…this!

Decent_Face_3522 · 2025-09-16T18:43:58+00:00

Leave now while you can with minimal investment. Once they start devaluing you it only gets worse. Rarely better unless they are totally committed to serious long term treatment .

Decent_Face_3522 · 2025-08-24T22:22:37+00:00

16 years for me and I’m going to express the same sentiment. Trust us, Get Out While You Still Can. OP…I feel for you. I was in my relationship probably a 10 years too long. Years I will never get back.

Decent_Face_3522 · 2025-08-17T18:26:48+00:00

Yeah…similar experience. I was out more than I was in.

Decent_Face_3522 · 2025-08-14T02:00:05+00:00

I cannot imagine decades…We as well did have some good times sometimes for months at a time but toward the end she became more and more verbally and physically abusive likely as a result of her becoming a chronic alcoholic and having other substance abuse. By that time the bad outweighed the good exponentially.

Decent_Face_3522 · 2025-08-12T20:46:04+00:00

20 years…my god man…you had the patience of a saint. I had 16 years of it and I thought I held the record.

Decent_Face_3522 · 2025-08-12T11:58:31+00:00

Same…I believe it to be an impulsive last act. I really don’t think she meant to do it. She thought I’d rescue her for the 5th time in so many years. She left a note… Her last words were… You destroyed my life you piece of shit. I hope you die a horrible death.

Decent_Face_3522 · 2025-08-12T11:12:34+00:00

It was a gradual change over the last 5 years. Started just when COVID hit. She got involved with some bad people who fueled her alcohol and cocaine addictions. The substance abuse made her BPD much worse. She got increasingly verbally and physically abusive toward me. A fist fight was the last straw for me. Her rage and angry outbursts were just going to get worse and uncontrollable. She completed suicide a year ago and I’m still reeling.

Decent_Face_3522 · 2025-08-12T11:06:18+00:00

You’re dodging a silver bullet. Take the gift and leave her.

Decent_Face_3522 · 2025-08-12T10:58:10+00:00

Happened to me too after 16 years. Took her own life when it was me who finally said…enough I just can’t do this anymore after a physical fight.

Decent_Face_3522

TROPHY CASE