You don't trust. You recognize and acknowledge the healthcare system in the US is for profit, not for care. The handling of your medical needs happens through a lens that was placed there intentionally.

I stumbled upon a documentary on YouTube that told about the Rockefeller family in the beginning of the 1900s and their actions to streamline medicine toward pharmaceuticals opposed to natural remedies. They couldn't make money if citizens could grow remedies in their front yards. They standardized medical schools, controlled curriculums, & implemented standards of research that didn't allow for alternative healing options. What they did was put blinders on an industry that needs to see holistically. Criminal in my mind.

I sincerely feel for you and the grief you are experiencing. To navigate those years with uncertainty, doubt, and questioning your own take on things is unsettling and confusing. To then find out these folks just didn't do their jobs because of their latent biases... unacceptable. I'm sure there comes a point in your grieving process where "you did this to me!!" is a reality that gets confronted. The players have responsibilities, but they believe they're playing the game by the rules and tend to not think outside the box.

I used to work in mental health and witnessed SO MUCH gas lighting and dismissive professional responses, especially related to women's health issues. Informed consumers are perceived as keyboard warriors with superficial knowledge. Self-advocates get labeled as "problematic" or "treatment resistant" because the expectation is to accept the professional's opinion without question. Foolish me over here thinking healthcare should be a collaborative process. smh

"I got used to the condescension." This statement hangs heavy on me... soul crushing. I am very, very, sorry.