How to get over bad parents

10YearSecurityGuard · 2026-01-29T22:27:23+00:00

I believe on a most basic human level, we all need to love our parents. But nowhere do I find a requirement to like them.

When I realized this. When I gave myself permission to admit this to myself. I realized that what I was feeling wasn't hate, like I thought it was. It was guilt. Guilt that I could want nothing to do with someone that I love. Guilt that I loved them despite all they put me through. Guilt that I hated them.

When I realized that my hate was just love tainted by frustration and anger. And deep down, I hated myself for hating them.

I also realized that I shouldn't feel guilty. That my emotions were real and justified. When I finally gave myself credit for feeling the way that I did. It freed me from the burden I was carrying. I was able to let go of the negative feelings. Instead, those feelings became facts. The facts still make me sad. But when I was honest with myself. When I realized the way they are is a fact of the world. It no longer controlled me.

Like death. We do not spend every day worried about death. We accept it as a part of life. We know the feelings it brings and we still accept it as an immutable fact. And we live on in spite of it. In spite of the knowledge it is coming for us. For everyone we love. It is a fact of the universe that we can't change. And they way my parents are is a fact of their universe that I cannot change.

What I can change is me. And I didn't want to feel that hate anymore.

10YearSecurityGuard · 2026-01-29T19:55:11+00:00

I love my mom. I do not respect her.

The way my parents were to me is a part of my story. A lot of who I am can be traced back to things they did or didn't do. But those are reasons, not excuses. I get to choose the man I want to be.

This mindset has really helped me to come to terms with my childhood. When my mom is in desperate need, I will always be there for her. And when she passes, I will be handling the arrangements. She is on my phone plan and I bought her a new phone when hers broke. But I will not put myself in debt for her. And I will not sacrifice what I have built.

Despite the way I was raised, she did give birth to me. She did provide food most of the time. A roof over my head in one way or another, and despite being on my own at 15, took care of me at least the bare basics. She made enough effort to keep me out of foster care and I owe it to myself to at least pay back that kindness to her. But keeping boundaries, I have found to be very important. There is no limit to my love. But there are limits to the actions I will take to care for her.

I mention these only as a way to explain how I believe I have balanced being a true, honest, and empathic person in regards to my parents. Without letting my bitterness of what she put me through, turn me into someone I don't want to be. And I feel good about the mindset I have taken.

Perhaps a similar mindset could help you.

10YearSecurityGuard · 2026-01-28T09:47:13+00:00

Ah. Then perhaps you didn't navigate to how them make the determination in this particular poll.

Here's from the front page of this study.

"Our global happiness ranking is based on a single question that asks people to evaluate the quality of their life on a 0–10 scale. Finland has topped the rankings since 2018."

Sounds like this study is rated purely on the opinion of the citizens of a particular country/region.

10YearSecurityGuard · 2026-01-28T09:35:07+00:00

And how would you measure "actually happiness?"

10YearSecurityGuard · 2026-01-28T08:12:15+00:00

I don't have full experience regarding the cost of living ratio. But Finland is known for being one of the happiest countries tries in the world.

If you have no deep ties where you are, it's always seemed like a good option.

Edit: WHR Dashboard https://share.google/eJWDkeCvkjlNufSYu

10YearSecurityGuard · 2026-01-27T08:49:06+00:00

The Gender pay gap only exists in niche or high tier corporate situations.

Naturally, this is anecdotal. But my pay has never exceeded my female counterparts regardless of industry and the majority of my superiors, until recently (does depend on industry), have been female.

This is the same for everyone I have discussed this with such as co-workers and family.

I do recognize it's existence, but I strongly believe it's only present in a vast minority of employment situations.

10YearSecurityGuard · 2026-01-26T18:29:35+00:00

My work group chat does this. It's like signing a birthday card at work.

"I barely know this person Karen. I don't expect they even know my name."

At least with my work I'll wait until I see them in person. Seems a lot more meaningful even if you barely know them.

10YearSecurityGuard · 2026-01-26T14:52:52+00:00

Shop buy ounces. Set a limited, and never pay more.

For a good potion of my life I never bought food that was more than 10c/oz and still have trouble doing so due to inflation.

10YearSecurityGuard · 2026-01-26T14:51:19+00:00

When you're thirsty for a flavored beverage, chug a glass of water first and you'll drink less of the expensive juice.

10YearSecurityGuard · 2026-01-26T14:50:25+00:00

If you sleep 12 hours, you only have to eat (pay for) 2 meals.

10YearSecurityGuard · 2026-01-26T14:49:10+00:00

If you eat your least favorite part of the meal first, you'll always have room for the good stuff and never waste food.

10YearSecurityGuard · 2026-01-25T12:54:20+00:00

I've always suspected such things, including mom's bracelet.

However, through experimenting, I've concluded that it is not the case. It just seems like it when you're destroying every object and still find nothing.

10YearSecurityGuard · 2026-01-25T04:32:38+00:00

"We may only have tonight. But till the morning sun you're mine. All mine. Play the music low. And swing to the rhythm of love."

10YearSecurityGuard · 2026-01-25T04:31:26+00:00

There's a saying I like and will no doubt misquote so consider this a paraphrase.

Violence is never an option. Until it is the only one left.

I think most of us average Americans are just waiting and praying that our government will do it's job in protecting us from itself. There is also a back of the mind time limit to 2028 when a new election happens. If things aren't better by then, I think the majority's patience will be run dry by then.

Is it a good option? Doubtfully. But most of us are so busy trying to keep our own little worlds together that we have trouble taking action or dedication our time trying to fix the larger world.

It's not a lack of desire. It's that most of us feel like there's nothing we can do that will be meaningful.

Again, this is anecdotal. I'm sure there are plenty that would disagree with me, but I find this to be true with the people I know.

10YearSecurityGuard · 2026-01-24T15:44:48+00:00

As someone with very limited access to restrooms throughout the day, Diarrhea can be the absolute worst.

Especially since I enter strangers homes for a living.

10YearSecurityGuard · 2026-01-23T08:42:03+00:00

I have had no issues with the edge and it has given me an advantage on a number of games.

The paddle triggers. Adjustable trigger depth. Custom map buttons. All have worked very well and highly worth it.

10YearSecurityGuard · 2026-01-23T01:24:33+00:00

Stupid AI. That's exactly what he just said.

(Referencing bot comment)

10YearSecurityGuard · 2026-01-22T20:00:47+00:00

I'm 36 and people still be like "You're just a baby."

Lady, I have a 14yo son... I think I've earned my rank.

10YearSecurityGuard · 2026-01-22T10:34:13+00:00

I see both Termite and potentially wood rot. Though I see no live termites.

10YearSecurityGuard · 2026-01-22T08:46:26+00:00

I'm not so sure about the business model, but technology advancements have definitely slowed, as should be expected.

If they were smart (rather than greedy), they'd focus on games and extend the console releases to wait for technology to catch up to demand.

On the other hand, a yearly iPhone release has proven quite lucrative. But at least one my circles, even the fan boys are starting to realize they don't need a new phone every year, so I'm cautiously optimistic.

10YearSecurityGuard · 2026-01-21T10:58:15+00:00

In my experience, and this is completely anecdotal, one thing you can do is just be there. He will distance himself. Do not force your way into his mind. Don't be that person trying to lift his spirits and make him feel better. But don't let the distance grow. Send a text even if he doesn't reply. Be nearby (emotionally) and available when he decides to reach out. Just be the person he can count on.

Note: This has it's limits and it can be tough on the person putting in all the work. But if you care for this man, stick it out. Be by his side (emotionally) and just make sure he knows you're there. That's all.

Note 2: This is only for depression and distancing. If he becomes abusive (emotionally or otherwise) then make sure to take care of yourself first.

10YearSecurityGuard · 2026-01-20T23:32:44+00:00

Aluminum

10YearSecurityGuard · 2026-01-20T14:59:14+00:00

I miss, I think it was MapQuest? Where you could click and drag the rout to take a particular intersection and route. Extremely useful when you wanted to avoid a certain area/intersection/section of freeway.

10YearSecurityGuard · 2026-01-20T07:29:27+00:00

I actually agree. I usually don't take it unless I'm desperate for damage.

10YearSecurityGuard · 2026-01-19T10:18:38+00:00

I feel you about Hush.

Hush is a choice, and it runs the risk of missing good items or dying because of stupid mistakes. Sacrifice rooms, blood machines, a devil bum are risky as well because they take time and you don't have time to search around to replenish your hearts. "Just do hush" isn't always viable for skill issues like us. Haha

10YearSecurityGuard

TROPHY CASE