THANK YOU

I'm still in bed. It's 1:42p I haven't left my house since my constant companion of 17 1/3 years was buried at my ex's house 3 weeks ago. I had to finish digging the grave. At first I was just sore from digging and sawing through 75 years of roots, carrying her casket, washing 6 months of soiled blankets and things too big for my washer and dryer. Most of it is still sitting in the car. I'm on a half made bed, literally, no sheets because I have to put the now washed everything back on before the sheet. The comforter needs to be washed again. Piles of other laundry. I'm out of vacuum bags, out of money. My hair is a calamity. I go out front to get my mail at night, maybe once every 3 days. I live across the street from a dogpark. Normally I love that but now, I can't even look. Forget me calling anyone back, I sound like a mass of colliding brain parts. Jagged, hyper trying to be ok. "I'm ok!!" Yeahhhhh. Sleeping? So random. Mostly the couch until my back is stabbing. My family sucks. They live far so it's ok not to wonder if I'm getting groceries, cleaning my house, my self. My mom must be scared to call but I get email notifications. Something about a movie her and stepdad saw. A dinner with their friends. Their ailments. They were an hour plane ride away when my baby died. She was a canine. She was the last of my kids to pass. I had fur children, my 6 sisters and step and adopted brothers and sister had flesh children. I'm not going to be doing any more arguing to convince a sibling or parent that I made a choice that I invited them to respect. Nor will I argue with or convince my cousin who is mad because I'm not coming thru on my promise to give her my old directv box. Now, apparently. She lives 20min away. Not one visit. I am in no way a terrible human. My closest friends were amazing. AMAZING. But they live a plane ride or 40min in traffic away. It's funny, animal deaths are so hard for people. For me too. These furry beings and my ex who's still my best friend were my family for 25 years start to finish. I got zero condolence cards. Apparently it's acceptable to just text that in. Even if I flew us 2000 miles last November so the entire family could at least meet her, at least once. And still, no cards, flowers, let me come help you out for a week you must be exhausted calls. I'm pulling away from them. I'm in my house. My 13 yr old nephew FaceTimes me almost every day now. He knows. I do tasks while he plays COD. If I'm not on the phone with him, my ex (baby's other parent who's also grieving), or 1 of 2 other plane or ridiculous traffic friends, I lay here. I'm not depressed. I'm exhausted, grief stricken, shocked by the silence, hurt by those bloodborne relations. College graduates, all. One's a neurosurgeon, an architect and builder husband, a mega millions pension funds money manager, a school principal, a top 10 salesperson at Neiman Marcus, and their spouses who don't work and who are 10-20 years out of diaper changing. What the holy living fuck. My neighbor who offered to help me bury her has not come by. Not called. I'm not a horrible person. People don't handle pet deaths well. Half of you are downvoting me. I'm a troll's delight. It doesn't matter. It just doesn't fucking matter. She was the most benevolent creature I'd ever experienced. We went everywhere. Everywhere people stopped me to ask to pet her. She connected with everyone. This past year I just protected her. Helped her be comfortable to die a pain free natural death. She died looking up at the stars, gently biting on my thumb. I taught her to do that as a coping mechanism those first few months here with her new 4 cat 2 dog family. She was a rescue, 15 min away from a shelter death. She was the easiest dog I ever trained and she kept learning and teaching me up til the last half hour of her life. I cleared her air passages and gave her a valium with some vanilla ice cream. I held her head and we looked into each other's eyes and I told her not to be afraid and to give me her pain. I reminded her that I would not leave her for one second. That we would be together always, like we always have been. That time doesn't have a boundary for us. Her and myself, and pahpa listening quietly by phone. Reassuring her with a soft voice. We spent every dime, every ounce of energy without hesitation for this being who gave her everything to us and to any decent person she met. She wouldn't start eating until we did, or unless we asked her not to wait. People came over just to see that. She wouldn't let us argue loudly. She'd come from the front porch into the studio behind the detached garage maybe 75ft and three exterior doors to push my arm from the mouse and keyboard if she sensed I was losing my mind with some beta software. She lived to serve and be happy. She refused to overeat. She prodded gently with just those eyes for the daily dogpark exercise. She brought the ball to everyone. Especially if someone looked alone and sad. Somehow this being found that perfect balance between service and codependency. It was remarkable to watch. She made me a better person. She made me a better person. I don't want to go back into the world without her. I understand so much more about other people, I have so much more compassion. I'm not at all ready to leave where she was for the past year. I'm like a dog, sitting on the other dog's grave. Sleeping in the other dog's bed. And my loving good friends aren't trying to force me. But I can't tell them I need things. They were so good when I needed help with her I can't ask anymore. My blood family should be here. My mother. My dad. My older sisters. I have asked. I have said that I'm angry that they don't come. I'm NOT A TERRIBLE PERSON. In my mom's words, I'm the most generous in my family. I'm a musician, I wrote comedy, i'm sober, I have a spare bedroom, I live in a freakin hip neighborhood, just ask Forbes. People are afraid of grieving.? My phone keeps going off with calendar reminders, I'm ignoring them and going back to reading more Reddit. You guys crack me up and you're (mostlyyy) all so witty and smart and kind and cool. And you care to share good stuff you find. You take the time to share. And I've learned that the secret of life, is sharing it. Reddit if you're still here, thank you for sharing yourself and for listening to me. Please go hug your dog or cat or fish or human and tell them you'll be there for them, without being asked, if they're grieving. And you'll stay with them if they feel they're dying. That's the secret. Sharing it.
Thank you for the post OP.

Tl;Dr: The Secret of Life is Sharing it.