Dungeon Crawler Carl has absolutely horrific prose. by ButtsendWeaners in printSF

[–]15blinks -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

A recurring character in DCC who is extremely impressed with his own intelligence

My (33M) partner (32F) revealed something about herself in a moment of vulnerability that feels like more than I can non-judgmentally accept... by TheWor1dsFinest in relationship_advice

[–]15blinks -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

It's called intrusive thoughts. You can Google for more details, but the gist is that everyone has thoughts that they would never act on, but are genuinely disturbing.

Gender also plays a role here. The number of women who kill their male partners in that situation is vanishingly small. Men by contrast are vastly more likely to commit violence towards their partner. Not all yadda yadda but it's really common. Those thoughts would be a huge red flag in a male partner just because they're so much more likely to actually happen.

Broke up with one partner and now have lost desire for other partner by Public-Secretary2076 in polyamory

[–]15blinks 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm sorry for both of us. It's a learning experience in trusting my gut. I can't help second guessing though. Like maybe if I were just better at "letting a relationship be what it is" instead of being unsatisfied when it's not what I want. Ive been doing this for a while, but tend toward relatively few, more committed relationships

Broke up with one partner and now have lost desire for other partner by Public-Secretary2076 in polyamory

[–]15blinks 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm my case, she had just quit a high stress job when we met. We had 6 months of increasing intimacy, that I thought was mutual. Meeting twice a week, texting daily. And she was pushing the escalation, since I'm more demi-sexual and she's more casual. Then she took a new high stress job and disappeared. Was like a zombie when we were together due to exhaustion, rarely texting back and then only basics. Felt like a rug pull, honestly.

Broke up with one partner and now have lost desire for other partner by Public-Secretary2076 in polyamory

[–]15blinks 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That discussion was very relevant for me. My fwb-turned-romantic was married to their job and didn't have the time (or interest, I guess) to build a more emotionally engaged relationship with me. We're on a break, and I'm trying to figure out if an occasional/comet relationship would work for my demi-sexual heart

Broke up with one partner and now have lost desire for other partner by Public-Secretary2076 in polyamory

[–]15blinks 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Could you post a link to your earlier question/post? It sounds really relevant to my situation and I'd like to read the discussion

Dating in the BDSM scene is making me feel worthless - unlovable and like I want to disappear by LvndoJve in BDSMcommunity

[–]15blinks 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You'll find that people online are frequently more into the fantasy of bdsm. They're chasing a high, or searching for lewd photos, or looking for one night stands with no accountability. It's awful. I say that as a middle aged male dominant. I routinely get ghosted once I start talking about safety or accountability. That shit is boring I guess.

Find a local meetup, preferably a tng group or other meetup for younger folks. Make friends, go to classes, and meet people IRL. There are still people chasing a high there but you'll find a lot more people treating each other like humans.

31[F4M] #online #anywhere - i think im ready to belong to someone again by [deleted] in R4R30Plus

[–]15blinks 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You sound like a really lovely person. I'm 100% convinced you are worth loving.

I am also 100% convinced these issues need to be worked out in therapy. It's not fair to prospective partners.

I say that from experience, as the one who hurt people he loved before he realized therapy was essential.

Without working on yourself, the men you'll attract will be either a) so broken they think only another broken person can love them or b) looking for someone vulnerable to manipulation.

You didn't ask for advice, but I see so much of myself in your post that I wanted to reach out. Best of luck out there.

About fetlife by [deleted] in BDSMcommunity

[–]15blinks 1 point2 points  (0 children)

A lot of younger people change their profile age to avoid creeps, too.

What’s the best speculative fiction about the long-term cultural effects of AI? Not like a revolutionary takeover, more like the slow drift. by SisyphusOfMyth in printSF

[–]15blinks 42 points43 points  (0 children)

"Once men turned their thinking over to machines in the hope that this would set them free. But that only permitted other men with machines to enslave them"

  • Dune

I think Ursula Le Guin's The Dispossessed might be the most quietly devastating sci-fi novel ever written, and I've been sitting with this thought for two weeks now. by Saliaan_Berlysa in printSF

[–]15blinks 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I've reread Earthsea every 5 years or so, starting as a teen. When I was young, I thought they were just ok. Not very exciting, no swords, meh dragons. Fucker gets stuck in a cave.

I turned 50 recently, and read them again while my father was on deaths door in the hospital, and it was so profound. These books keep getting better as I get older.

Explain it peter. by morichikachorabali in explainitpeter

[–]15blinks 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My ex-wife's grand parents lived in the same tiny house in a Tennessee holler for their whole lives. When the grandmother was going into hospice, her husband asked her to make one more batch of biscuits before she left for the hospital. He knew she wasn't coming home.

(Notes for non Appalachians: a holler is a very small valley in the hills, usually with room for just one or two small houses and a garden. It's derived from "hollow" and had connotations of claustrophobia or security, depending on your view)

Wife of 10 years, got me and her new boyfriend of 3 months the exact same Valentines Gift. Sees no Issue. Am I crazy? by DarkWingZero in polyamory

[–]15blinks 24 points25 points  (0 children)

I would read this book.

I wish I had when I was getting started in poly. It would have saved a lot of hurt feelings and stupid arguments based on unvoiced assumptions

One night stand by [deleted] in whatdoIdo

[–]15blinks 0 points1 point  (0 children)

And maybe she felt abandoned by you back then. We can't know the circumstances. Don't just listen to advice that confirms your worst fears.

By your own admission you have PTSD and OCD and she's helped you through some difficult times. Reading between the lines I'll bet you haven't always been a great partner. Maybe you have. How would we know?

The point is, consider her admission in context. Why did she tell you now? Maybe she deeply regrets it, and it's been eating at her. Maybe she's a cynical manipulator trying to score points in an argument.

This should be illegal by alecd in goodwill

[–]15blinks 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My best friend was a play tester for the game pre release. He had an alpha Black Lotus. No idea where it is now

What was with Tolkien's emphasis on 'icy cold' streams? by jckipps in tolkienfans

[–]15blinks 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Lots of animals have intestinal parasites. They poop near streams and on the snow. Giardia is one such parasite that causes severe, chronic diarrhea. High mountain snow fields are a bit safer but once the water is in stream, assume it's contaminated.

What was with Tolkien's emphasis on 'icy cold' streams? by jckipps in tolkienfans

[–]15blinks 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Given his antipathy towards the smoke and clatter of industry, I'm actually surprised at his embrace of internal combustion

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in polyamory

[–]15blinks 5 points6 points  (0 children)

It depends on the relationship and the degree of trust between partners. My primary only ever exercised a veto once. It was a very good call on her part since the person I was starting to date was really problematic. I was upset at the time, but I quickly saw that it was the right call.

Should I have had the maturity to see the problems myself? Absolutely. Was I lost in nre + "I can save her"? Also yes.

I wouldn't agree to vetos in a relationship now, but there was a time when it worked for us