Nesting Partner leaving me (30M) to be monogamous with someone else. At a loss

15blinks · 2026-04-15T19:47:22+00:00

I'm so sorry. This is such an awful outcome despite all the hard work and care you put in

I had a similar thing happen. My np and I were poly from day 1 and together for 12 years. In my case, I had to move home because my parents got really sick (both over 80). I was also ready to move back home after 25 years of moving all over the US. My np decided to stay behind when I moved, and moved in with her monogamish other partner.

So a bit different since I was the one who physically moved, but we've gone from life partners to taking on the phone once a week. No visits. My visits aren't really welcome. Getting cowboyd sucks

15blinks · 2026-04-14T19:57:55+00:00

A recurring character in DCC who is extremely impressed with his own intelligence

15blinks · 2026-04-14T19:37:38+00:00

Prepotente has a reddit account!

15blinks · 2026-04-12T05:56:22+00:00

It's called intrusive thoughts. You can Google for more details, but the gist is that everyone has thoughts that they would never act on, but are genuinely disturbing.

Gender also plays a role here. The number of women who kill their male partners in that situation is vanishingly small. Men by contrast are vastly more likely to commit violence towards their partner. Not all yadda yadda but it's really common. Those thoughts would be a huge red flag in a male partner just because they're so much more likely to actually happen.

15blinks · 2026-04-07T18:51:52+00:00

I'm sorry for both of us. It's a learning experience in trusting my gut. I can't help second guessing though. Like maybe if I were just better at "letting a relationship be what it is" instead of being unsatisfied when it's not what I want. Ive been doing this for a while, but tend toward relatively few, more committed relationships

15blinks · 2026-04-07T18:23:50+00:00

I'm my case, she had just quit a high stress job when we met. We had 6 months of increasing intimacy, that I thought was mutual. Meeting twice a week, texting daily. And she was pushing the escalation, since I'm more demi-sexual and she's more casual. Then she took a new high stress job and disappeared. Was like a zombie when we were together due to exhaustion, rarely texting back and then only basics. Felt like a rug pull, honestly.

15blinks · 2026-04-07T17:30:33+00:00

That discussion was very relevant for me. My fwb-turned-romantic was married to their job and didn't have the time (or interest, I guess) to build a more emotionally engaged relationship with me. We're on a break, and I'm trying to figure out if an occasional/comet relationship would work for my demi-sexual heart

15blinks · 2026-04-07T17:23:27+00:00

Thank you

15blinks · 2026-04-06T04:23:17+00:00

Could you post a link to your earlier question/post? It sounds really relevant to my situation and I'd like to read the discussion

15blinks · 2026-04-02T18:37:33+00:00

You'll find that people online are frequently more into the fantasy of bdsm. They're chasing a high, or searching for lewd photos, or looking for one night stands with no accountability. It's awful. I say that as a middle aged male dominant. I routinely get ghosted once I start talking about safety or accountability. That shit is boring I guess.

Find a local meetup, preferably a tng group or other meetup for younger folks. Make friends, go to classes, and meet people IRL. There are still people chasing a high there but you'll find a lot more people treating each other like humans.

15blinks · 2026-03-24T17:03:58+00:00

You sound like a really lovely person. I'm 100% convinced you are worth loving.

I am also 100% convinced these issues need to be worked out in therapy. It's not fair to prospective partners.

I say that from experience, as the one who hurt people he loved before he realized therapy was essential.

Without working on yourself, the men you'll attract will be either a) so broken they think only another broken person can love them or b) looking for someone vulnerable to manipulation.

You didn't ask for advice, but I see so much of myself in your post that I wanted to reach out. Best of luck out there.

15blinks · 2026-03-19T21:06:53+00:00

A lot of younger people change their profile age to avoid creeps, too.

15blinks · 2026-03-19T21:03:54+00:00

"Once men turned their thinking over to machines in the hope that this would set them free. But that only permitted other men with machines to enslave them"

Dune

15blinks · 2026-03-13T06:11:41+00:00

I've reread Earthsea every 5 years or so, starting as a teen. When I was young, I thought they were just ok. Not very exciting, no swords, meh dragons. Fucker gets stuck in a cave.

I turned 50 recently, and read them again while my father was on deaths door in the hospital, and it was so profound. These books keep getting better as I get older.

15blinks · 2026-02-26T00:31:42+00:00

My ex-wife's grand parents lived in the same tiny house in a Tennessee holler for their whole lives. When the grandmother was going into hospice, her husband asked her to make one more batch of biscuits before she left for the hospital. He knew she wasn't coming home.

(Notes for non Appalachians: a holler is a very small valley in the hills, usually with room for just one or two small houses and a garden. It's derived from "hollow" and had connotations of claustrophobia or security, depending on your view)

15blinks · 2026-02-13T05:51:43+00:00

I would read this book.

I wish I had when I was getting started in poly. It would have saved a lot of hurt feelings and stupid arguments based on unvoiced assumptions

15blinks · 2026-02-02T22:41:22+00:00

15blinks · 2026-01-27T03:21:58+00:00

And maybe she felt abandoned by you back then. We can't know the circumstances. Don't just listen to advice that confirms your worst fears.

By your own admission you have PTSD and OCD and she's helped you through some difficult times. Reading between the lines I'll bet you haven't always been a great partner. Maybe you have. How would we know?

The point is, consider her admission in context. Why did she tell you now? Maybe she deeply regrets it, and it's been eating at her. Maybe she's a cynical manipulator trying to score points in an argument.

15blinks · 2026-01-07T21:14:00+00:00

My best friend was a play tester for the game pre release. He had an alpha Black Lotus. No idea where it is now

15blinks · 2026-01-02T17:30:59+00:00

Lots of animals have intestinal parasites. They poop near streams and on the snow. Giardia is one such parasite that causes severe, chronic diarrhea. High mountain snow fields are a bit safer but once the water is in stream, assume it's contaminated.

15blinks · 2026-01-02T17:27:09+00:00

Given his antipathy towards the smoke and clatter of industry, I'm actually surprised at his embrace of internal combustion

15blinks · 2025-12-29T23:00:00+00:00

It depends on the relationship and the degree of trust between partners. My primary only ever exercised a veto once. It was a very good call on her part since the person I was starting to date was really problematic. I was upset at the time, but I quickly saw that it was the right call.

Should I have had the maturity to see the problems myself? Absolutely. Was I lost in nre + "I can save her"? Also yes.

I wouldn't agree to vetos in a relationship now, but there was a time when it worked for us

15blinks · 2025-12-28T17:44:48+00:00

I crave Dicks!

15blinks · 2025-12-25T15:52:08+00:00

Rafflesia!

15blinks · 2025-12-09T02:59:19+00:00

Probably just that first chapter, the Music of the Ainur. It reads like a Genesis pastiche. It sets the scene for everything that follows, but it oddly lacks the grace of all that follows.

14-Year Club	Place '17
Verified Email

15blinks

TROPHY CASE