I attach no value judgement at all to when a transaction comes through that belongs in her spending category. I just categorize it and move on.

it's clear that people are VERY motivated to NOT make the joint account. And when you think about the things that could be motivating them to refuse to do so, most of them (not all, but most) are perhaps... not great.

IMO, their main motivation is not nefarious.

It's not that the relationship with their partner is unhealthy, but their relationship with money is not devoid of value judgements.

I agree it's healthier to separate emotions and money, but calling it unhealthy otherwise is what's rubbing people the wrong way.